M O N S T E R
Member
You create the universe, then Adam and Eve, and they are perfect beings. You place them in a lush garden, into which youve also made a special tree. The fruit of this tree, if eaten by a human, will cause them to understand right from wrong, and they will thus lose their perfection (why you created such a tree is unclear, but thats another story). At some point, you also created a sneaky snake and put it proximate to your first children. Snakes, being what they are, its not long before Eve is duped into eating the fruit, and she then proceeds to peer pressure Adam into eating it as well.
Returning from wherever you were, you cannot find Adam and Eve straight away after some searching, you find them hiding their naked bodies from you. This strikes you as odd because they wouldnt be hiding if they werent ashamed/embarrassed youre on to them they probably ate the fruit. Sure enough, after some probing, they come clean and admit their bad deed. This makes you mad, and so you curse all snakes with a belly crawling existence (which they dont seem to mind too much snakes do quite well as a species), you make it such that Eve, and all women hence, will experience great pain during childbirth (why you chose that punishment is not clear how does knowing right from wrong translate to something about the 24 hours or so of labor?), and your punishment for man is that he will have to work for lifes necessities as opposed to just sitting around in Eden.
So, many years later, the many descendants of A&E are running around acting really badly. Not believing in you, fornicating, just being jerks. This makes you really mad, and so to punish them, and set an example for future people, you drown millions of men, women, and children, and also millions of animals. You spare a few humans, and two of every kind of animal (presumably because you didnt want to have to create them again which you could have done).
In time, the earth repopulates itself. Humans once again act badly, but for some reason, you pay particular attention to those living in a very specific area of the globe the middle east. Over a few centuries, you do all kinds of things like kill or have killed hundreds of thousands of people who do bad things such as not believing in you and having sex. Presumably this is to set the example of how bad it is to not believe in you, and that sex (or even thinking about it) is filthy under anything but very specific conditions.
This still doesnt seem to work, so you finally decide to go down there yourself but you dont want to just poof in like a great genie (cuz if you made your existence too obvious, youd take the faith out of faith). So, you resolve to go down as a common man. Once down there, you cruise around for a while, in your early 20s you preach a lot, particularly about how important you are, and how important it is to believe in you. To kick up the ante a bit, let people know you are who you say you are, you perform a miracle or two here and there. Some believe, but still others dont. So, you head into Jerusalem and stir things up by angering the Jews and Romans simply by claiming to be you. So they torture and kill you. Being unkillable, you bide your time for a few days and then reappear. This is supposed to have the effect of REALLY making people believe you are who you say you are, and that your message is Truth and Goodness. Before you leave, you tell a few people that youll be back again real soon sooner than a generation or two. Since you didnt return, you presumably did this as yet another test of humans dedication to you.
All while this is going on, the Devil is racing about tricking people into not believing in you and doing bad things. Its not clear why you dont put an end to the Devil, but the likely reason is that you want to see which humans are of strong enough character to not be tricked by him (which itself is puzzling because you made the humans and their character, and you presumably know the past, present, and future anyway).
Once back in heaven, you kick back for a while and see how the humans will take the message you gave when you came down to earth. Things start slowly, your earliest fans are fed to lions by the Romans, but your message is taken up by the poor and downtrodden, who are sick and tired of the elitist, powerful Romans. A few centuries go by, the pagan Roman destroys itself, and with a man named Constantine, your message becomes seated at the top of human power. But, people being people, there is much argument/debate over what your message really is, and how it should be applied. You watch as the drama unfolds centuries go by and your message is taken to every corner of the earth (usually at the expense of the cultures that existed prior). Great factions with differing opinions of your message manifest themselves.
Incidentally, you never really seemed to pay much attention to people like Asians, Africans, Australians, Island peoplels, Native Americans, etc. At least not in the sense of mentioning these people in the Bible, or giving them the same set of rules as you gave Jewish people (actually, you do mention some Africans in the Bible - apparently hundreds of thousands of Ethiopians deserved to be killed because they didn't believe in you).
Anywho, the human condition will apparently go on for a while, some people will believe in you, some wont. And one day, as you promised in the early first century, youll return, all evil will be destroyed, those humans who believe/believed in you will live in great everlasting peace with you, and those who didnt, wont (which will presumably suck bad for them).
And .sooooo .thennnn ..yeah .you did all that cuz why again? When you look back in retrospect, you kinda wonder what you were thinking?? Were you just bored? Did you make your children, the humans, for your entertainment? Why did you focus your attention so narrowly when you went down to earth? Why didnt you spend more time down there? When you look back you think to yourself You know, I am all about being perfect in everything, especially love. I guess it wasnt the best decision to create these poor, helpless creatures, the humans, in such a manner that not all of them could experience my perfect love. A wise father treats ALL his children with respect and love, unconditionally, even if they dont agree with his views after all, it was HIS decision to bring them into the world. A wise father doesnt disown a child who disagrees with him, or otherwise doesnt follow his rules. And a wise father certainly doesnt kill his children for doing these things.
Returning from wherever you were, you cannot find Adam and Eve straight away after some searching, you find them hiding their naked bodies from you. This strikes you as odd because they wouldnt be hiding if they werent ashamed/embarrassed youre on to them they probably ate the fruit. Sure enough, after some probing, they come clean and admit their bad deed. This makes you mad, and so you curse all snakes with a belly crawling existence (which they dont seem to mind too much snakes do quite well as a species), you make it such that Eve, and all women hence, will experience great pain during childbirth (why you chose that punishment is not clear how does knowing right from wrong translate to something about the 24 hours or so of labor?), and your punishment for man is that he will have to work for lifes necessities as opposed to just sitting around in Eden.
So, many years later, the many descendants of A&E are running around acting really badly. Not believing in you, fornicating, just being jerks. This makes you really mad, and so to punish them, and set an example for future people, you drown millions of men, women, and children, and also millions of animals. You spare a few humans, and two of every kind of animal (presumably because you didnt want to have to create them again which you could have done).
In time, the earth repopulates itself. Humans once again act badly, but for some reason, you pay particular attention to those living in a very specific area of the globe the middle east. Over a few centuries, you do all kinds of things like kill or have killed hundreds of thousands of people who do bad things such as not believing in you and having sex. Presumably this is to set the example of how bad it is to not believe in you, and that sex (or even thinking about it) is filthy under anything but very specific conditions.
This still doesnt seem to work, so you finally decide to go down there yourself but you dont want to just poof in like a great genie (cuz if you made your existence too obvious, youd take the faith out of faith). So, you resolve to go down as a common man. Once down there, you cruise around for a while, in your early 20s you preach a lot, particularly about how important you are, and how important it is to believe in you. To kick up the ante a bit, let people know you are who you say you are, you perform a miracle or two here and there. Some believe, but still others dont. So, you head into Jerusalem and stir things up by angering the Jews and Romans simply by claiming to be you. So they torture and kill you. Being unkillable, you bide your time for a few days and then reappear. This is supposed to have the effect of REALLY making people believe you are who you say you are, and that your message is Truth and Goodness. Before you leave, you tell a few people that youll be back again real soon sooner than a generation or two. Since you didnt return, you presumably did this as yet another test of humans dedication to you.
All while this is going on, the Devil is racing about tricking people into not believing in you and doing bad things. Its not clear why you dont put an end to the Devil, but the likely reason is that you want to see which humans are of strong enough character to not be tricked by him (which itself is puzzling because you made the humans and their character, and you presumably know the past, present, and future anyway).
Once back in heaven, you kick back for a while and see how the humans will take the message you gave when you came down to earth. Things start slowly, your earliest fans are fed to lions by the Romans, but your message is taken up by the poor and downtrodden, who are sick and tired of the elitist, powerful Romans. A few centuries go by, the pagan Roman destroys itself, and with a man named Constantine, your message becomes seated at the top of human power. But, people being people, there is much argument/debate over what your message really is, and how it should be applied. You watch as the drama unfolds centuries go by and your message is taken to every corner of the earth (usually at the expense of the cultures that existed prior). Great factions with differing opinions of your message manifest themselves.
Incidentally, you never really seemed to pay much attention to people like Asians, Africans, Australians, Island peoplels, Native Americans, etc. At least not in the sense of mentioning these people in the Bible, or giving them the same set of rules as you gave Jewish people (actually, you do mention some Africans in the Bible - apparently hundreds of thousands of Ethiopians deserved to be killed because they didn't believe in you).
Anywho, the human condition will apparently go on for a while, some people will believe in you, some wont. And one day, as you promised in the early first century, youll return, all evil will be destroyed, those humans who believe/believed in you will live in great everlasting peace with you, and those who didnt, wont (which will presumably suck bad for them).
And .sooooo .thennnn ..yeah .you did all that cuz why again? When you look back in retrospect, you kinda wonder what you were thinking?? Were you just bored? Did you make your children, the humans, for your entertainment? Why did you focus your attention so narrowly when you went down to earth? Why didnt you spend more time down there? When you look back you think to yourself You know, I am all about being perfect in everything, especially love. I guess it wasnt the best decision to create these poor, helpless creatures, the humans, in such a manner that not all of them could experience my perfect love. A wise father treats ALL his children with respect and love, unconditionally, even if they dont agree with his views after all, it was HIS decision to bring them into the world. A wise father doesnt disown a child who disagrees with him, or otherwise doesnt follow his rules. And a wise father certainly doesnt kill his children for doing these things.
