I feel trapped between Christianity, Islam, and Atheism.

[JeremK]

I've posted a bit about this kind of thing before, so I'll make my introduction quick.

I'm an Atheist who has been deconverted from Catholicism for two years. As a bisexual, I was really turned off (no pun intended) by the way I was treated at my church. Additionally, I started to have massive doubts on the content of the Bible and I was going through a very hard time.

I suffer from depression and anxiety, as well as intrusive thoughts. I cannot shake the idea out of my head that God hates me. I miss the community of my church, and I miss being able to feel truly at peace. Furthermore, I have a massive fear of the Christian and Islamic Hell, and I'm scared that I will someday be persecuted and killed over what I end up believing.

I feel stuck between Christianity, Atheism, and Islam, and I'm not sure which is right. What can I do?

I miss having the presence of God and a Church-like community. But I also fear the possibility of me having incorrect beliefs; for example, I'm worried that I will become a Christian, but Islam will be right and I'll go to Hell. I'm also afraid of being delusional, and I don't want to waste my life believing a false religion. Additionally, I'm concerned that becoming religious will cause me even more stress in the end, especially if I'm once again deconverted and can't build another worldview. I'm even worried that ISIS might have the truest interpretation of Islam, that I'll be killed by Muslims or Christians, or that I'll be discriminated upon if I go to any place of worship.

Furthermore, I'm still worried that, if there's a God, he hates me and is making me suffer intentionally, and wants me to go to an eternal Hell. I'm still just so damn confused and scared.

 

[Oldsoul]

You sound like a prisoner in your own mind.

 

[Valjean]

I feel stuck between Christianity, Atheism, and Islam, and I'm not sure which is right. What can I do?

Define "right."

 

[JeremK]

Define "right."

"Right," as in, correct. The right God, right morality system, etc.

 

[Valjean]

Right being useful, psychotherapeutic or objectively true?

 

[JeremK]

You sound like a prisoner in your own mind.

This is incredibly accurate... :/

 

[JeremK]

Right being useful, psychotherapeutic or objectively true?

Objectively true.

 

[Valjean]

Good. This is at least something that can be researched or tested.
I see problems distilling Christianity and Islam into a generally accepted essence, though. They seem so scattered and inconsistent in their various doctrines.

 

[Shusha]

Would you consider a G-d who doesn't punish for incorrect beliefs or for simply being human?

 

[JeremK]

Would you consider a G-d who doesn't punish for incorrect beliefs or for simply being human?

Yes.

As I said in the post, I love the concept of a loving God, but I don't feel as if the Abrahamic God fulfills that for me.

 

[Oldsoul]

This is incredibly accurate... :/

Whatever religion you choose or not choose will not calm your head if you are holding yourself hostage..

Knowing what you know about the oldest being in existence. .
Do you think he hated you because you like sausages?
I can't speak for God. .but
Personally I'd seek out a better reason to dislike an individual. .

Do you chew with your mouth open?

 

[Terese]

What you're feeling is very sad. Why do you think God hates you? What deeds made you think that?

 

[JeremK]

What you're feeling is very sad. Why do you think God hates you? What deeds made you think that?

I have had these intrusive thoughts of God hating me since I was a Catholic two years ago. I used to worry that I had committed the "unforgivable sin," which caused me to be absolutely irredeemable to the point where God hated me. My sexuality also has made me feel like God hates me, as the OT calls gays abominable and the NT references that they will be going to Hell. My anxiety over ISIS' existence also makes me think that God hates me... Why would he let me have so much fear over something that I will likely never actually meet? Why would I have intrusive thoughts over such terrible things, even when praying for God to guide me to truth and rid of the thoughts?

I just feel lost when it comes to God...

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Why be afraid of the Hell of two religions that really don't even resemble the source of their beliefs? Why not fear Zeus' wrath? Why not fear Ammit devouring your soul? Instead of Armageddon, why not await Ragnarok? And I doubt god hates you. How could such a being even punish us, a highly flawed species who frightens easily is prone to acting out entirely and purely on emotional outbursts, an ignorant creature that asked far more questions that it could ever answer, for all eternity, forever, over a few decades of bad and dumb behavior? Even misguided Hitler and his misguided Nazis, how could punish them without end in a world where people are often the products of environment and circumstance? And is god really so jealous that everyone who believed in some other god must suffer forever and ever?

 

[Valjean]

I think jeremK makes a good point. It's hard to reconcile the cruel, tribal, jealous God of the OT with a loving God.
On the other hand, his loving the concept of such a god has no bearing on its objective reality.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Why would I have intrusive thoughts over such terrible things, even when praying for God to guide me to truth and rid of the thoughts?

Because you probably suffer from depression and anxiety that is exacerbated by this "unforgivable sin," or perhaps a source, but I don't know your history. You probably don't need god's forgiveness, it sounds like you need self forgiveness.

 

[Oldsoul]

I have had these intrusive thoughts of God hating me since I was a Catholic two years ago. I used to worry that I had committed the "unforgivable sin," which caused me to be absolutely irredeemable to the point where God hated me. My sexuality also has made me feel like God hates me, as the OT calls gays abominable and the NT references that they will be going to Hell. My anxiety over ISIS' existence also makes me think that God hates me... Why would he let me have so much fear over something that I will likely never actually meet? Why would I have intrusive thoughts over such terrible things, even when praying for God to guide me to truth and rid of the thoughts?

I just feel lost when it comes to God...

Jeremy. .
I can tell you.. the God I know is bigger than all of this.

I think in your mind your complexities exceed the love and understanding of God.

Do you love yourself?

 

[JeremK]

Jeremy. .
I can tell you.. the God I know is bigger than all of this.

I think in your mind your complexities exceed the love and understanding of God.

Do you love yourself?

No. I have a bit of a self-hatred complex, actually.

 

[Terese]

I have had these intrusive thoughts of God hating me since I was a Catholic two years ago. I used to worry that I had committed the "unforgivable sin," which caused me to be absolutely irredeemable to the point where God hated me. My sexuality also has made me feel like God hates me, as the OT calls gays abominable and the NT references that they will be going to Hell. My anxiety over ISIS' existence also makes me think that God hates me... Why would he let me have so much fear over something that I will likely never actually meet? Why would I have intrusive thoughts over such terrible things, even when praying for God to guide me to truth and rid of the thoughts?

I just feel lost when it comes to God...

This is all in your mind. Let go of it. It really sounds like abrahamic religions aren't for you, as they are making you feel terrible. I see no spiritual development in you. And you have a self-hated complex. You think this is God's work when its all you. God is existence knowledge and bliss itself. It's silly to think he hates you. What is this 'irredeemable sin' you speak of?

 

[Oldsoul]

No. I have a bit of a self-hatred complex, actually.

I can see why you'd have trouble fitting religion into all of this.

And why would you hate yourself? because someone from a church who knows absolutely nothing about YOU thinks you're not worthy?