Getting Married for Guilt Free Sex

[Kungfuzed]

I was listening to a radio show this morning and the topic was - Do you know anyone who got married just to have guilt free sex? I only had about a half hour to listen and during that time two JW's and four LDS people called in. I'm sure they aren't the only religions that prohibit pre-marital sex. The callers did admit that they rushed into marriage so they could have sex, but didn't realize it at the time. Of course, they also felt they were in love and all that. Some of the marriages worked and some didn't. I thought I'd ask you all what you think. Do you know anyone who got married in order to have guilt free sex or to stay in good standing with their religion? Are there any benefits or disadvantages to remaining a virgin until marriage?

 

[Jaymes]

I know someone who got married for guilt-free sex. She later got divorced and will tell anyone that will listen about how getting married for sex is a bad idea.

 

[robtex]

That is a common reason for marriage down here kung fu. The baptists, catholics, evangelicals and some of the smaller churches put alot of internal pressure on their own communities for abstince till marriage. I could be here for days listing couples who married to have sex that would be reasonable in the eyes of their church and religious community. A more interesting question for Christians (which has been asked on RF a few times in other threads) is why sex before marriage is immoral?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Getting married for sex is pretty stoopid.

It may be a proven fact that married people have exponentially less sex. :faint: :slap:

 

[robtex]

Getting married for sex is pretty stoopid.

It may be a proven fact that married people have exponentially less sex. :faint: :slap:

Nate, I don't think it is so much less or more as presented in the Chrisitan equation but any sex vs no sex at all. The key idea being "no sex before marriage"

From your vantage point do you thinkthe pro-creation sex protocols had an impact on the idea of no sex before marriage and if so how exposed is the current chrisitan community exposed to the idea of pro-creation sex?

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Nate, I don't think it is so much less or more as presented in the Chrisitan equation but any sex vs no sex at all. The key idea being "no sex before marriage"

From your vantage point do you thinkthe pro-creation sex protocols had an impact on the idea of no sex before marriage and if so how exposed is the current chrisitan community exposed to the idea of pro-creation sex?

I think that the no sex before marriage idea is tied inextricably to the need for legitimate children in patriarchal agrarian cultures. One does not want one's illigetimate children undermining one's estate.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I think that the no sex before marriage idea is tied inextricably to the need for legitimate children in patriarchal agrarian cultures. One does not want one's illigetimate children undermining one's estate.

Otherwise, in Christian theology, Christian marriage mirrors the mystery of the unity between Christ and the Church.

No sex before marriage is not a Christian ideal but an economic one.

 

[Booko]

I was listening to a radio show this morning and the topic was - Do you know anyone who got married just to have guilt free sex?

No, can't say I do.

I'm sure they aren't the only religions that prohibit pre-marital sex. The callers did admit that they rushed into marriage so they could have sex, but didn't realize it at the time.

That's unfortunate. It's a lousy reason to get married.

Of course, they also felt they were in love and all that. Some of the marriages worked and some didn't. I thought I'd ask you all what you think. Do you know anyone who got married in order to have guilt free sex or to stay in good standing with their religion?

First, religious prohibits about sex outside of marriage are not about making people guilt-ridden, though unfortunately it has turned out to be the case. Personally I find that rather strange. It's just as "wrong" for me to gossip, but people for some odd reason don't get so "guilt-ridden" about that. That's really strange when you consider that Baha'u'llah said that backbiting is worse that murder. :areyoucra

Second, it's just one more reason to consider there may be some wisdom in the Baha'i requirment to have consent of all living parents before marriage.

Are there any benefits or disadvantages to remaining a virgin until marriage?

Looked at STD rates lately?

Rates of children being raised in poverty?

Or ask SoyLeche about the data on marriages being more likely to last when the partners don't do premarital sex.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

From your vantage point do you think the pro-creation sex protocols had an impact on the idea of no sex before marriage

I was raised in a Protestant (Baptist) church that did not embrace the Catholic teaching that sex is for pro-creation only. In Protestant churches, recreational heterosexual sex is widely celebrated due to this verse:

2But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Biblically speaking, sex is symbolic of Christ's union with the church, the perfect union between male and female within a lifelong monogamous relationship.

and if so how exposed is the current chrisitan community exposed to the idea of pro-creation sex?

Can't say.

 

[Booko]

I think that the no sex before marriage idea is tied inextricably to the need for legitimate children in patriarchal agrarian cultures. One does not want one's illigetimate children undermining one's estate.

You'd have to explain why the same rule persists in a recent religion that is not based on patriarchal agrarian cultures, then.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I'm trying to develop an opinion about sex that is intelligent and consistent.

It's harmful outside of marriage (= lifelong manogamy) due to diseases, children without parents, and emotional concerns.

Marriage (=lifelong manogamy), however, secures none of these things.

Added to this is the fact that abstinance before marriage cannot secure a healthy sex life once someone is married.

I may think that abstinance from sex before marriage does more harm than good because lack of sexual experience can be harmful, but exposure to disease and other potential harm balances this somewhat.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

You'd have to explain why the same rule persists in a recent religion that is not based on patriarchal agrarian cultures, then.

They would not have thought of it if it had not been practiced before for this reason.

Marriage is sacred because it used to be needed to keep the human community alive. End of story.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Waiting for sex until marriage also interrupts the natural pair-bonding process. A couple may have plenty of opportunities to have a meaningful first sexual experience and wait until their honeymoon and realize that the "magic" of all those other times are lost opportunities which will never reoccur.

 

[RevOxley_501]

I was accused of getting married for that reason.


I can say, i dont think it would have worked out at all as well as it has if that would have truly been either one of our motivations.

Sex was a factor...but we had to be together because we had to be TOGETHER....i just couldnt be away from her any more, i felt incomplete and that i wasnt going to feel whole without her being there as my wife.


but i know how difficult it is not to have sex... it is even more difficult to be responsible enough to decide at the right time when to get married.

 

[Kungfuzed]

I was a virgin when I got married and she was too. I was also in a hurry to get married cause I was so horny and I didn't want to get in trouble with the church. It didn't work out for me at all. She turned out to have all kinds of sexual problems. I can honestly say that if we had given each other a test drive beforehand we never would have got married. Marriage is not something to rush into, and most people aren't mature enough for marriage until they're over 30. I think it's important for a couple to "know" each other as part of courtship. It should be a prerequisite to marriage because if there is a problem it can have a serious impact on the relationship.

Maybe it's not so important to some people. If you're desire is low and your partner is too then it may not be a problem. It will be a problem if one person is a horn dog and the other person is frigid, and you won't really know until you try it. My first wife had no idea what sex was going to be like, so she thought she would be fine with it. Boy was she wrong.

Anyway, there are plenty of happily married people who waited. I happen to know several. There are also plenty of miserable people getting excommunicated for adultery. My advice to the youth - Find your true love first, live with them for a year or two, then get married, then worry about salvation, in that order. Forgiveness is easier than permission.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

I was a virgin when I got married and she was too. I was also in a hurry to get married cause I was so horny and I didn't want to get in trouble with the church. It didn't work out for me at all. She turned out to have all kinds of sexual problems. I can honestly say that if we had given each other a test drive beforehand we never would have got married.

The same thing happened to me... and some of my friends. Some - including me - have worked through it (we're talking years ), and I think that if some couples had sex before marriage the problems would not be so severe. Dating is completely different from marriage or living together, but I definately think that for many women (at least in my circle of friends) marriage is almost a turn-off. Even test-drives don't ensure a successful sex life in marriage - it will never be the same IMHO.

 

[jonny]

I was listening to a radio show this morning and the topic was - Do you know anyone who got married just to have guilt free sex? I only had about a half hour to listen and during that time two JW's and four LDS people called in. I'm sure they aren't the only religions that prohibit pre-marital sex. The callers did admit that they rushed into marriage so they could have sex, but didn't realize it at the time. Of course, they also felt they were in love and all that. Some of the marriages worked and some didn't. I thought I'd ask you all what you think. Do you know anyone who got married in order to have guilt free sex or to stay in good standing with their religion? Are there any benefits or disadvantages to remaining a virgin until marriage?

I always said that I knew I'd be ready to get married when I wanted to do it for a reason other than sex. People who get married just so they can have sex are probably too immature to get married.

There are plenty of advantages to remaining a virgin until after marriage, but I'm not going to list them here because I already know the attitude of the forums on the subject and I don't really want to debate it. Those who care, try to remain a virgin. Those who don't, don't.

 

[jonny]

I know someone who got married for guilt-free sex. She later got divorced and will tell anyone that will listen about how getting married for sex is a bad idea.

I have a friend who had sex with plenty of guys before she got married and lived with her boyfriend for two years before they finally got married. She later got divorced. What's your point?

Is there anyone in their right mind who would think that getting married for sex is a good thing? This discussion reminds me of the urban legend of BYU students going to to Vegas for the weekend to get married, have sex, and get the marriage annulled the next day. The point is that they missed the point completely. People who get married so that they can have sex (along with anyone who has sex outside of marriage IMO) are in the same boat. They've missed the point.