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DS Going Metan

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
After doing a lot of research about the environment, the farming industry, agriculture, and the amount of water needed to grow plants and feed animals, I have decided to become a metan: someone whose diet is primarily comprised of metals.

This decision came after extensive contemplation and hesitation. One of the main reasons behind my decision is that metals are found in nature without the need for humans to grow or raise them, unlike plants and animals, and they don't contain life that we have to kill for food, also unlike plants and animals (unless you're an animist, but I'm not). The blacksmith I buy my food from stuns metals before cutting them. He also never uses halal or kosher cutting methods, so my conscience is unscathed.

But the most important reason behind my decision is to reduce suffering... that is, I want to reduce the suffering of some of my fellow humans who can't handle it when someone has different dietary habits than theirs. I know that if I became a meat eater, some vegans would be unable to cope with my existence, and if I became a vegan, some meat eaters would lose sleep over the fact that I refuse to eat meat. Therefore, as a gesture of sympathy toward their suffering, I have become a metan instead, and I invite more people to do the same.

I'm going to have metal soup soon. I had nickel biscuits for breakfast yesterday, and my lunch was a nice plate of chrome-plated chains. So far so good. I might go to a jewelry shop soon to get some fancy food. I could chew my food just fine yesterday, but I still decided to go for soup instead. :)

Thanks for reading. Stay eco-friendly and sympathetic to the suffering of all lifeforms (including plants), folks! Happy metal-chewing!

P.S. Does anyone know how much good dentures cost? Just for my upper jaw, I mean. (I've been looking for good ones ever since I was done with yesterday's breakfast.)
 

Laika

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
I think this is too conservative DS. You need to be bolder! I'm prefer more of an isotopan diet myself. Nothing like some delicious uranium yellowcake to give you a radiant glow. I can walk down the street safely at night as people can see me glowing.

Although I have to admit the flatulence is a bit of an issue. My cat has never been the same since it slept next to me on the sofa. It's prefers to sleep more on the ceiling now. It turns on the light bulbs as it walks past them. And you can't hear birdsong anymore in the garden as the cats too lethal.

I was however pleasantly surprised that my poop gets recycled by some nice people from North Korea! They say it's fertile or enriched or something.
 

Rival

Si m'ait Dieus
Staff member
Premium Member
I'm sure some mercury at room temperature could provide a good liquid alternative.
 

Debater Slayer

Vipassana
Staff member
Premium Member
I think this is too conservative DS. You need to be bolder! I'm prefer more of an isotopan diet myself. Nothing like some delicious uranium yellowcake to give you a radiant glow. I can walk down the street safely at night as people can see me glowing.

Although I have to admit the flatulence is a bit of an issue. My cat has never been the same since it slept next to me on the sofa. It's prefers to sleep more on the ceiling now. It turns on the light bulbs as it walks past them. And you can't hear birdsong anymore in the garden as the cats too lethal.

I was however pleasantly surprised that my poop gets recycled by some nice people from North Korea! They say it's fertile or enriched or something.

Your poop may be the only contact the authorities in North Korea have with the outside world. Kudos to you!
 

fantome profane

Anti-Woke = Anti-Justice
Premium Member
After doing a lot of research about the environment, the farming industry, agriculture, and the amount of water needed to grow plants and feed animals, I have decided to become a metan: someone whose diet is primarily comprised of metals.

This decision came after extensive contemplation and hesitation. One of the main reasons behind my decision is that metals are found in nature without the need for humans to grow or raise them, unlike plants and animals, and they don't contain life that we have to kill for food, also unlike plants and animals (unless you're an animist, but I'm not). The blacksmith I buy my food from stuns metals before cutting them. He also never uses halal or kosher cutting methods, so my conscience is unscathed.

But the most important reason behind my decision is to reduce suffering... that is, I want to reduce the suffering of some of my fellow humans who can't handle it when someone has different dietary habits than theirs. I know that if I became a meat eater, some vegans would be unable to cope with my existence, and if I became a vegan, some meat eaters would lose sleep over the fact that I refuse to eat meat. Therefore, as a gesture of sympathy toward their suffering, I have become a metan instead, and I invite more people to do the same.

I'm going to have metal soup soon. I had nickel biscuits for breakfast yesterday, and my lunch was a nice plate of chrome-plated chains. So far so good. I might go to a jewelry shop soon to get some fancy food. I could chew my food just fine yesterday, but I still decided to go for soup instead. :)

Thanks for reading. Stay eco-friendly and sympathetic to the suffering of all lifeforms (including plants), folks! Happy metal-chewing!

P.S. Does anyone know how much good dentures cost? Just for my upper jaw, I mean. (I've been looking for good ones ever since I was done with yesterday's breakfast.)
Are you going to eat alloys? Or are you going to be a strict metan who only eats metals found in nature?

Would you drink Flint tap water? It is mostly lead.
 
Last edited:

Tumah

Veteran Member
I found some recipes you might enjoy. Here are the pictures:

A little salad to whet the appetite.
depositphotos_31447221-Pile-of-rusty-scrap-metal.jpg

Some metan style pasta.
b1chains001.jpg

Prime Steak to satisfy the craving.
gold-bullion.jpg
Some food art I found.
chainshands.jpg
 

The Emperor of Mankind

Currently the galaxy's spookiest paraplegic
After doing a lot of research about the environment, the farming industry, agriculture, and the amount of water needed to grow plants and feed animals, I have decided to become a metan: someone whose diet is primarily comprised of metals.

You better not eat Disturbed. If you do you'll be down with the sickness ;)

OOH AH AH AH AH!!!
 
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