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How to go out to eat with small children

ScottySatan

Well-Known Member
About once a week since he was one (he's 5 1/2 now), my son and I would go out for a meal, just the two of us. It's a challenge, but it's worth it. Now, his table manners are very advanced, despite otherwise having a very rebellious nature to do a Satanic daddy proud. I want to leave some suggestions for a lone parent taking a little kid out to eat.


-Avoid buffets.


-Waiting in line, especially if you have all the gear for a little one, sucks. Keep that in mind for places where you have to go to the register to pay or there's counter service. Sometimes you can get your waiter to take your payment at the table anyway.


-You may cheese off your waitress. You won't be ready to order yet when she comes, maybe twice. After coming twice for your order and you're still not ready, she will very understandably not come back for another 5-10 minutes. You'll also not have taken a bite of your food yet by the time she comes to see how stuff tastes the first time. Try to go somewhere not busy so your table is not likely to be replaced with another tipping customer right away.


-Pay the bill early so you can leave if Kid gets restless and you don't have to wait around when you're finished.


-Bring books, toys, and extra crayons for those places that only give you two colors for the kids activity menu.


-Not every place is as kid friendly as they say they are on Yelp. Consider taking an empty sippy cup for that Indian restaurant that serves him a heavy glass tumbler filled to the brim with no lid. Have a plan if they don't have a changing station in the men's room.


-Sit in a booth. Put the kid next to the wall and then sit next to him to trap him in. Try to have him face the nearest diners, so he's not tempted to stand in the booth turned around, staring at them.


-Don't put him in a booster seat. The kid will be happy to go on his knees to reach the table, but a booster seat is pretty restrictive and will agitate him.


-Pick your battles. Don't impose every table manner right away, it's too much and he'll get frustrated. When Boy was a toddler, the only rules I really enforced were: don't scream, don't run around, don't throw stuff. It wasn't until later that I started moving up to "use your silverware, don't eat pure ketchup".


-Think of several punishments you can do immediately. It's surprisingly hard in public. The pinnacle punishment for Boy has been to haul his *** out to the car, buckle him into his seat, close the door, and wait outside for a minute.


-You might have to tell a young childless waiter certain basics about children. If you get soup, salad, or appetizer, tell him "Please bring all the food out together, don't serve me anything without serving the kid too, it might make him really mad".


-If Kid has to go potty, you'll have to go with him. If you have to go, he has to come with you. Expect 2-3 trips to the bathroom, leaving an empty table. Your busser gets yelled at for not clearing tables quickly enough, and will steal all your food when you go to the bathroom, whether you've paid or not. You can mostly avoid this if you leave a big sign, crayon on napkin, "WE WILL BE BACK". When it's happened to me anyway, I've always been able to politely talk the manager into waiving the price of the entree.


-Clean up after yourself and tip well.
 
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