I was briefly a theist at primary school (which had a 'Christian ethos'), simply because adults kept talking about god around about age 4 or 5. I struggled to make friends and for lack of an imaginary friend, I talked to god instead in the event that "someone" might be paying attention. it was not a deep conviction by any means, but there was "belief" or a sort. What I wanted most of all way to make friends and I was painfully shy, so I prayed to god that someone would be friends with me. There was no change and it was painful. By the time I was eight, any 'belief' I had it god had gone. that was all the proof a small kid needed. Atheism became an accepted part of my life and during my adolescence, it got stronger in intensity as I was under the somewhat bigoted impression that science "had all the answers" and that it was therefore superior to religion. I still have roughly this view that there is a "scientific" answer, but I've become more philosophical and appreciate the psychological dimensions of belief.
Over the past couple of years I have re-explored my thoughts on religion in response to mental illness(depression/anxiety in the main); the fact that a lot of my ideas were inadequate and unsatisfying from an emotional point of view drew me towards "Communism" (in much the same way a person is drawn to religion). Whilst I still don't believe in god, I have had to overcome 'gradation' of dis-belief, as I found that I am a strong agnostic in many ways in thinking I cannot dismiss the existence of a deity and the supernatural. I am also having major battles as I unravel the implications of rejecting god on my ethical views which have become steadily more relativistic as I feel more certain they come from a human source rather than a divine one. At the moment I am having a long thought process as I become more certain of my atheism and over-come my agnosticism, to establish the depth of my convictions but this is really the fear of not knowing (and in itself implies a higher authority that can know what cannot be known) which I will overcome in time.
Over the past couple of years I have re-explored my thoughts on religion in response to mental illness(depression/anxiety in the main); the fact that a lot of my ideas were inadequate and unsatisfying from an emotional point of view drew me towards "Communism" (in much the same way a person is drawn to religion). Whilst I still don't believe in god, I have had to overcome 'gradation' of dis-belief, as I found that I am a strong agnostic in many ways in thinking I cannot dismiss the existence of a deity and the supernatural. I am also having major battles as I unravel the implications of rejecting god on my ethical views which have become steadily more relativistic as I feel more certain they come from a human source rather than a divine one. At the moment I am having a long thought process as I become more certain of my atheism and over-come my agnosticism, to establish the depth of my convictions but this is really the fear of not knowing (and in itself implies a higher authority that can know what cannot be known) which I will overcome in time.
