New member in need of some advice or something. (funeral, pray)

[JustMary]

Please... can someone share a thought with me on this?

I just found our that my brother who has been in prison for the past 12years, has cancer and has maybe 6 months. I feel saddened by this new. I can't bring myself to cry or be that upset. Guess I should also include that although he is my brother, before he went to prison he was not such a nice person to be around. Then he goes to prison for what I think is aside from killing one of the most sinful and unforgivable crimes. Although over the years I've kinda forgiven him for some of the things he's done. I still feel that I should be more upset than I am . Now my mom wants to me drive her up to the prison hospital to see him and I hate the thought just cause I haven't seen him in 12 years but then a part of me thinks that I hate the thought cause I know how my mother is going to be. ..I can bearly be around my mother ...yeah we are not a close family unit. I know that one is suppose to forgive and forget. Easier for some of us to do than others...anyway ...I'm so very confused right now. Even if I were to cry I'm not sure it would be for all the right reasons.

HELP.....So confused.

[Mike182]

i'm affraid i lack words of comfort, and i can't advice you on what is best to do as i don't know any of the persons involved, but i will be thinking of you and preying for you, if you don't mind?

[Djamila]

I don't know your faith, or what role you'd like faith to play, so I'll answer without it.

My Uncle and my mother hated each other and after the war I had to live with him for a short time. His own daughter ran away to Norway because of his violent nature, so you can imagine how he was with my sister and I - the daughters of a woman he despised.

He died a few years ago now, and only one of his three daughters went to the funeral - and she went only to spit on his grave. I didn't go, nor my sister. And I don't regret it, he's nothing to me, I don't have any emotion at all when I think of him today.

From what you've said, you do. Even the slightest emotion for him can tear you apart later if you don't sit down and determine what you need to do, for yourself, for your own heart.

Imagine he is gone, and go through the different options you have, and determine which one you feel best with.

[lizskid]

JustMary, I agree with Djamila. You have to look in your heart for what you need from this situation. Every family has it's issues, so don't feel ashamed or whatever about that. While you may not be able to help your mother out with visiting him, if that is what you decide, because of either him OR her, or both, there is somethign I'd like you to remember. She is losing a child, whether or not he is a "good" person, he is her child. Maybe you could find someone else to take her to see him, so you wouldn't have to deal with it directly? That would be a kind thing to do, and more than a lot of people could ask, but maybe a healthier way for you to approach it at this time.

My prayers for you, your family, and your brother. I hope you all find peace.

[Scuba Pete]

Mary,

you are not required to love your brother "because you are related". Given his absense in your life, your ambivilent feelings towards are not only understandable, they are perfectly normal. Not wanting to just get into the emotional drama of his pending death is especially normal. Do what you are comfortable with and don't look back. Especially don't feel guilty over perfectly normal feelings.

[Booko]

Originally Posted by JustMary

Please... can someone share a thought with me on this?

I just found our that my brother who has been in prison for the past 12years, has cancer and has maybe 6 months. I feel saddened by this new. I can't bring myself to cry or be that upset. Guess I should also include that although he is my brother, before he went to prison he was not such a nice person to be around. Then he goes to prison for what I think is aside from killing one of the most sinful and unforgivable crimes. Although over the years I've kinda forgiven him for some of the things he's done. I still feel that I should be more upset than I am . Now my mom wants to me drive her up to the prison hospital to see him and I hate the thought just cause I haven't seen him in 12 years but then a part of me thinks that I hate the thought cause I know how my mother is going to be. ..I can bearly be around my mother ...yeah we are not a close family unit. I know that one is suppose to forgive and forget. Easier for some of us to do than others...anyway ...I'm so very confused right now. Even if I were to cry I'm not sure it would be for all the right reasons.

HELP.....So confused.

Drive your mother there for her sake. Your brother, however misguided he's been, is still her child.

Please don't worry about what feelings you may or may not have about his illness and not so distant death. It hits us all differently, and it will happen when it does. You may find you grieve more than you thought you would after his passing.

This may be an opportunity for you and your mother to grow a better relationship. And it may be an opportunity for your brother to see clearly what he's done with his life and be really repentant. It's better for him that he understand it now than find out later, when it's too late for him to ask anyone's forgiveness.

If you're of the sort of religious inclination where you'd appreciate prayers, there are plenty of us around here who would be willing to do that little bit we can.

Sharon

[JustMary]

Originally Posted by NetDoc

Mary,

you are not required to love your brother "because you are related". Given his absense in your life, your ambivilent feelings towards are not only understandable, they are perfectly normal. Not wanting to just get into the emotional drama of his pending death is especially normal. Do what you are comfortable with and don't look back. Especially don't feel guilty over perfectly normal feelings.

Thank you...I think that a light come in when I read this .....I don't want to drama of his pending death. How's you get so clever?? *s* thanks again.

[JustMary]

ooops typo queen tonight. I don't want to get dragged into the drama of his pending death.

[JustMary]

I have to admit that for a long time I've not thought about faith...its hard sometimes to stop and remember that if all else fails...He's there to help out and i truly beliieve that is was my tucked away faith that lead me hee when I was feeling so much confused..because after sitting here for the last 3 hours not knowing how I felt. Now I feel that part of those feelings come from that fact that I don't want to deal with all that is involed in his passing. Although emotionally I"m not close to him at all nor my mother .....I still hate to see anyone in pain..and I know first hand as I'm sure a lot of us know the pain of losing someone we love...

This forum I'm saying a little pray for as I hope that if any of you have a little room in yours please pray for my mother and brother.

[dawny0826]

You will be prayed for. God Bless.