New member in need of some advice or something. (funeral, pray)

[Scuba Pete]

Yes indeed. You AND your family will be prayed for.

Sometimes God calms the storm, but more often he just calms his child.

[michel]

Originally Posted by JustMary

Please... can someone share a thought with me on this?

I just found our that my brother who has been in prison for the past 12years, has cancer and has maybe 6 months. I feel saddened by this new. I can't bring myself to cry or be that upset. Guess I should also include that although he is my brother, before he went to prison he was not such a nice person to be around. Then he goes to prison for what I think is aside from killing one of the most sinful and unforgivable crimes. Although over the years I've kinda forgiven him for some of the things he's done. I still feel that I should be more upset than I am . Now my mom wants to me drive her up to the prison hospital to see him and I hate the thought just cause I haven't seen him in 12 years but then a part of me thinks that I hate the thought cause I know how my mother is going to be. ..I can bearly be around my mother ...yeah we are not a close family unit. I know that one is suppose to forgive and forget. Easier for some of us to do than others...anyway ...I'm so very confused right now. Even if I were to cry I'm not sure it would be for all the right reasons.

HELP.....So confused.

Hi Mary,


I am sorry to have to welcome you to to ReligiousForums on such a sad note; I am not surprised that you are feeling confused;

I can't bring myself to cry or be that upset. Guess I should also include that although he is my brother, before he went to prison he was not such a nice person to be around. Then he goes to prison for what I think is aside from killing one of the most sinful and unforgivable crimes.

It seems to me, from the above (and the rest of your post) that you are finding it hard to cry for your brother, and 'for the wrong reasons, - your words -

Of course you can be sad, whatever has happened, he is your brother, and he is suffering, it is natural that you should grieve. As far as the sins that he has comitted are concerned, try not to judge him; and it might be well to remember Mahatma Gandhi's "Hate the Sin, Love the sinner".

Whatever your brother has done, it is between him and God; there is nothing anywhere to say that you canot do your best to support him.

I really think I understand your plight, and will, if it is accepted, pray for both you and your brother.

Please feel free to check out our guide for our newer members, from which there is also a link to the Forum rules with which you need to acquaint yourself (and there is a pretty good guide on what is not forum etiquette).


I hope you get to enjoy your time with us; please feel at home, and if there is anything about which you are not sure, please don't hesitate to ask.

[Super Universe]

I would say to go and see your brother if only because it will please your mother, she is still your mother. While there, you do not have to lie and tell him that you love him or forgive him. You do not have to say anything at all.

You do not have to forgive him tomorrow. If you wish you can save it until the afterlife but at some point you must be able to forgive or you will not be able to continue on the long journey. Forgiveness is for you, to ease your heart, it is not for the other person.

Don't see your brother as an evil being. See him as one who did not easily learn from witnessing others mistakes or from his own mistakes. See him as someone who could not manage his anger or selfishness. He did not identify the source of it and felt no choice but to direct it onto others.

A truly good being is not one who never makes a mistake but one who learns quickly what harm can come from certain actions or inaction and changes their behavior to prevent that harm from happening again.

[evearael]

Unless your mother has also done something unforgivable, I would advise you drive her to the hospital, but not go in to see him. Bring a friend along to give emotional support and to keep your mom from trying to force you to see him. That way you can support your mother, despite the fact you aren't close, and respect your own feelings regarding your brothers crimes. I'll keep you in my prayers.