Newbie here (tradition, beliefs, choices, choice, hell)

[beckb]

Hello all, I am (obviously) new here. So, here is a little info about me. I am a 44 year old mother of 2. I have been married 22 years. I have been a Christian most of my life. My sister is Muslim and my Dad is a New Age minister.

My son is almost 20 and my daughter is 13. My daughter told me last night that she doesn't know if she believes in God or anything. Both my kids have gone to private Christian school from Kindergarten through 8th grade. I think that she needs to make her own decisions about her life, and that her beliefs need to be her own. But I feel that I have let her down by not explaining my beliefs to her.

So, that is pretty much what brought me here.

[jonny]

Welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay!

[Ori]

Welcome newbie, although I bet there is a lot we can learn from you.

I hope you enjoy yourself here.

[michel]

Hi beckb,

Welcome to Religious Forums !





Please feel free to ask questions, if you have any. You might like to check out our article with links for our newer members; from there, there is also a link to the forum rules which you ought to look at.

I hope you will grow to enjoy this forum, and look forward to seeing your posts.

Michel

[fromthe heart]

Originally Posted by beckb

Hello all, I am (obviously) new here. So, here is a little info about me. I am a 44 year old mother of 2. I have been married 22 years. I have been a Christian most of my life. My sister is Muslim and my Dad is a New Age minister.

My son is almost 20 and my daughter is 13. My daughter told me last night that she doesn't know if she believes in God or anything. Both my kids have gone to private Christian school from Kindergarten through 8th grade. I think that she needs to make her own decisions about her life, and that her beliefs need to be her own. But I feel that I have let her down by not explaining my beliefs to her.

So, that is pretty much what brought me here.

Hi Beckb...welcome to the forum...I see why you feel perhaps you have let her down...don't beat yourself up; just understand with so many differingfamily members around her she's bound to not know what to think or feel. You haven't 'lost' her so there is always time to explain why you've chosen to believe how you believe and why other's have taken their different choices. Perhaps she is now beginning to search herself and trying to assess beliefs...this would be a good time to have a mother-daughter talk with her on why you have all your life stayed a Christian. You didn't say what if any faith your husband practices...she may be getting all sorts of mixed signals from everyone and it's so confussing for her she perhaps doesn't know what to believe in. I'm sure since you've been living as a Christian all your life God will give you the words to speak to her as well as open her heart to want to hear. Then as you said allow her her own choice because afterall Christianity IS a personal choice and not an inherited one...just because your parents believe one way doesn't mean the kids just fall into that as well. A lot of time we as parents don't live the best example for our kids either (know from first hand experience) it may come down to assessing your walk with God to see if His light IS showing through you or if it's just flickering in the background.

None of which I said is meant to be pointing a finger because as we know when you point a finger at someone there are many more pointing back at YOU....this is well seen if one puts up their hand and points...there are at least 3 pointed directly back at the person doing the pointing...smiles.

Hugs and welcome to the forum.

[QTpi]

Hi, Beckb. Welcome to Religious Forums. We're happy to have you with us and hope you enjoy your stay.

[beckb]

Originally Posted by fromthe heart

You didn't say what if any faith your husband practices...

My husband is also a Christian. He is not handling the situation with our daughter well. He is the one that really does not let his light shine. He does not go to church except every few years at Christmas. That is what brought this up. He wants to go to a very large church on Christmas Eve that we have gone to with his parents before. It is a family tradition for his family. I do not like going because I feel that the church is way too commercial, and I do not feel comfortable there. We talked about all of this without our daughter present. Then, when we picked her up from a Christmas party last night I told her that we were thinking about going on Christmas Eve. That was when she told us that she doesn't know if she really believes in God.

Also, thank you so much for your comments.

[michel]

Originally Posted by beckb

My husband is also a Christian. He is not handling the situation with our daughter well. He is the one that really does not let his light shine. He does not go to church except every few years at Christmas. That is what brought this up. He wants to go to a very large church on Christmas Eve that we have gone to with his parents before. It is a family tradition for his family. I do not like going because I feel that the church is way too commercial, and I do not feel comfortable there. We talked about all of this without our daughter present. Then, when we picked her up from a Christmas party last night I told her that we were thinking about going on Christmas Eve. That was when she told us that she doesn't know if she really believes in God.

Also, thank you so much for your comments.

beckb,

I sense in you a feeling of guilt, and I wanted to make the point that there should be no such guilt. I can understand how you feel (I have two sons, and the older of the two - who is 27 - is an atheist).

Your daughter is 13; I haven't a daughter, but I do understand the adolescent mind. She is at a stage where everything is happening at too fast a rate for her to understand fully. She is also at a stage when she will try to test boundaries.............

Heck, why am I saying this to a mother with a 20 year old son ? you must have been through this before; only this time, you are dealing with a few more hormones...

I wouldn't worry unduly; the only point I would like to make to you is:
If you 'coerce' her into going to Church against her will, you will only make her more determined to rebel. I personally would be tempted to say "O.K, if that's how you feel.......but you are welcome to come if you change your mind"

There's nothing as off-putting for a child as an unexpected answer from a parent.

This obviously is important to you, and I understand, and sympathise with you. But this is one of those 'milestones' in a teenager's life when trying to assert herself, and sort her overburdened mind with what she does andd what she doesn't believe.

I will keep you in my mind, and in my prayers, but I need to ask you not to be hard on yourself..........

[Green Gaia]

Hello and welcome to RF!

[Victor]

Welcome to the forum.