New to UU and would like to get catholic boyfriend involved

[Chitownhopeful]

I thought a little background might be helpful for any advice that people might have.

My experience with religion growing up was limited to attending occasional services and summer camps with my cousins at a VERY strict baptist church. Unfortunately these were horrible experiences and turned me off to organized religion for a long time. While my father was raised catholic, my immediate family never practiced a certain religion. When I finally found what the Unitarian church was all about I was very intrigued and feel that it matches what I want to get from a church.

I decided to visit my local UU church because I'm interested in self reflection, community involvement, and to meet new people. The first time I went, my boyfriend came along with me. He was raised as a catholic, although has not been 'practicing' for a while now. While I loved the service, he seems very turned off by the concept of this being a 'church' because it isn't what he grew up with. My next two visits to Sunday service I have gone alone.

The problem is that I was hoping this could be something we could do together. I thought if any church would be excepting of both of us, it would be this one! Yet while it is, my boyfriend is not excepting of the church.

Any ideas on how we can find some common ground here?

[linwood]

Originally Posted by Chitownhopeful

The problem is that I was hoping this could be something we could do together. I thought if any church would be excepting of both of us, it would be this one! Yet while it is, my boyfriend is not excepting of the church.

Any ideas on how we can find some common ground here?

First I realise I`m not UU and this is a directory forum and I`m only supposed to ask questions.
I`m going to give an answer this time.


Having grown up in Catholic culture I really must say a Catholic mass is a hard thing to beat as far as theological entertainment goes.

Practicing Catholics are enmeshed in the ritual of it all and if UU doesn`t have a substitute for that ritual he probably isn`t going to enjoy it as much as he does his own church.

Even as an atheist I myself still find some pleasure in watching the rituals of a Catholic mass.

A solution might be to both go together to each others services.
Most Catholic churches hold mass throughout the week.
I don`t know about UU churches.

Try a compromise.

I`ll shut up now.

[bicker]

Originally Posted by Chitownhopeful

... my boyfriend came along with me. He was raised as a catholic, although has not been 'practicing' for a while now.

So essentially, he needs to decide whether he is a Catholic (in which case he's lapsed ... essentially a bad Catholic ... and for addressing that, this isn't the correct forum). If he's not Catholic (anymore), the next step is for him to decide whether a spiritual life is worthwhile and/or important to him at all. Pursuing a spiritual life because your girlfriend is keen to the idea may not necessarily be the best foundation.

(I gloss over the selection of UU as the spiritual life one would pursue, should one wish to do so. I'll take that as a given, for now.)

Also, please note, that while sharing a spiritual life together is a fundamental part of most long-term romantic relationships, it isn't absolutely always the case. I have to say that, for full disclosure. However, I do believe that spiritual compatibility, at least, is a major factor in the level of happiness within most long-term romantic relationships. Without it becoming a, "You need to come to church with me," situation, the issue of whether you and he are spiritually compatible is one that bears inspection, at some point in your relationship, before things get beyond any type of "point of no return".

[EverChanging]

UU may not be for him. Some people find that UU really works for them, but others miss ritual. I know that some ex-Catholics still long for the ritual they were provided with in their own community. This seems only natural. As I've stated before, rituals can be a very profound way to express emotions that cannot be verbalized. Some ex-Catholics, therefore, are drawn to neo-paganism, but no one but him could ever decide what he needs (or doesn't need) spiritually.

You could go to each others services, as suggested. But it's his life. He shouldn't be pressured to do anything he isn't comfortable doing, including attending services. Coming from a Catholic background, it may be hard to conceptualize UU'ism as a religion: many people don't even consider us a religion. (Going on my anthropology text book here, there is no universal definition of religion, but UU'ism does conform to their very broad, basic definition of a religion: it provides rites and moral guidelines. No rites or rituals are required in UU'ism, of course, but congregations provide them nevertheless.) But coming from a religious background that is very heirarchial, dogmatic, and doctrine-oriented, it may be hard to understand what UU'ism is all about.

[sasham]

I was raised Catholic and think that UU is more of a "World Religions" approach to religion. Perhaps if he looked as it as an educational experience - that is to say - a way to learn about other religions and practices, he might enjoy it more. The only requirement for this is an open mind. There is a decided lack of ritual, however it is still good for the spirit!