UU joke of the day/week (tradition, prophet, pagan, pray)

[lilithu]

A Catholic, a Jew, and a UU were in line to be executed, via the guillotine.

The Catholic went up first and was asked if he had any last words. The Catholic prayed aloud, "Father who art in Heaven, deliver me from evil" and then submitted himself to his fate. But just as the blade was coming down, it stopped 12 inches from his neck. Everyone said it was a miracle, divine intervention, and decided that the Catholic should be pardoned.

The Jew went up next and was asked if he had any last words. The Jew prayed aloud, "Lord, remember your covenant with me and protect me from harm" and submitted himself to his fate. This time as the blade flew down, it stopped only 6 inches from his neck. Everyone said it was a miracle, divine intervention, and decided that the Jew should be pardoned as well.

Lastly, the UU went up on the block and everyone in the room waited with baited breath to see what miracle might happen next. The UU was asked if he had any last words and he said, "I've been watching that contraption and I think that there's a screw loose. I can fix it if you'd like."

[robtex]

i could not frubar you at this time but that was funny!!

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by robtex

i could not frubar you at this time but that was funny!!

I'll take a laugh over a frubar anytime.

[HelpMe]

i'd be all like...'give me what i've earned father'.

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by HelpMe

i'd be all like...'give me what i've earned father'.

Are you refering to the frubals or is that what you would say to God right before your execution? If the latter, that's pretty ballsy.

[Greyprophet]

For we have earned very little.

Give us liberty or give us death.

God is love.

[Green Gaia]

Thanks for this thread lilithu! I've been thinking about starting something like this, so I'm glad you did.

My favorite UU joke is still this one, (I have it on my RF webpage too):

Q: How many UUs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement:
"We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

I would add in there that coffee and snacks will be provided after the service.

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by Greyprophet

For we have earned very little.

Give us liberty or give us death.

God is love.

Are these jokes?

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by Maize

Thanks for this thread lilithu! I've been thinking about starting something like this, so I'm glad you did.

My favorite UU joke is still this one, (I have it on my RF webpage too):

Ah, so that's where Deut "shamelessly plagarized" his joke from. I didn't realize that you already had a "UU joke of the week" theme going on your webpage or I would have refrained from this thread.

(I love your webpage btw, and I think that we have a lot in common!)

That joke is by far my favorite lightbulb joke, but there are some other good ones. We're really good at making fun of ourselves.

[lilithu]

"Gods Rest Ye, Unitarians" (UU Version)

Gods rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay;
Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day;
When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

Our current Christmas Customs come from Persia and from Greece,
From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East.
This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

There was no star of Bethlehem, there was no angels' song;
There could not have been wise men for the trip would take too long.
The stories in the Bible are historically wrong,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact!