UU joke of the day/week (tradition, pray, catholic, God)

[Green Gaia]

A street corner evangelist rhetorically asked a passer-by, "Friend -- do you know what path leads to the denial of God and Christ straight into the arms of heathenism and atheism?"

"Oh, sure," said the passer-by. "The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship is just two blocks that way."

[lilithu]

Bart is playing Billy Graham's Bible Busters in which you zap people and convert them to faith in God. Bart is really getting into the game and after zapping a guy he exclaims "Alright I got him". Ned Flanders' boys reply, "No you just winged him, now he's a Unitarian."


AND...


Bart: Ice cream at church? I'm intrigued, yet suspicious!
Lisa: Wow. Look at all these flavours. Blessed Virgin Berry, Commandmint, Bible Gum...
Rev. Lovejoy: Or, if you'd prefer, we also have Unitarian icecream.
Lisa: There's nothing here!
Rev. Lovejoy: Exactly.

[½ Sane]

Woo Hoo. These are funny. Nice thread.

[Green Gaia]

For the Star Trek fans:

Setting - Starship Uniprise crossing over the Bible belt into the Fundamentalist Zone to respond to a distress call from a lost (UU)Association outpost.

Kirk: "Spock, what can you tell me about these people?"

Spock: "The library computer has little information, Captain. Logically, however, we may deduce from their name, 'Unitarian-Universalist', that since Unitarian means one, and Universalist means everything; that these people believe in one of everything."

[lilithu]

Jesus said to them, "Who do you say that I am?" And behold, a Unitarian among them answered and said, "You are the incarnate Logos. You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the kerygma of which we find the ultimate meaning in our interpersonal relationships. You are the eruption of eternity into the space-time continuum." And Jesus looked at the Unitarian and said "What?"

[lilithu]

Did you hear about the insomniac dyslexic Unitarian?

She stayed awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.

[Green Gaia]

Why are UUs the worst hymn singers?

Because they are always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next line.

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by Maize

Why are UUs the worst hymn singers?

Because they are always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next line.

Every time our church sings Amazing Grace we screw up.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch* like me....

There's an asterix after "wretch" in the hymnal and at the bottom of the page, it says that you can substitute the word "soul" if you prefer. But the church has never instituted a policy on which word the congregation should sing, because that would be very un-UU. So we get to the word "wretch" and you hear this slight hesitation and then half the congregation sings "wretch" and half sings "soul." It's hilarious!

[Green Gaia]

Speaking of rewritting hymns...



Coffee, Coffee, Coffee
(sung to Holy, Holy, Holy)
by Christopher Raible

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee,
Praise the strength of coffee.
Early in the morn we rise with thoughts of only thee.
Served fresh or reheated,
Dark by thee defeated,
Brewed black by perk or drip or instantly.

Though all else we scoff we
Come to church for coffee.
If we're late to congregate, we come in time for thee.
Coffee our one ritual,
Drinking it habitual,
Brewed black by perk or drip instantly.

Coffee the communion
Of our Uni-Union,
Symbol of our sacred ground, our one necessity.
Feel the holy power
At our coffee hour,
Brewed black by perk or drip or instantly.