UU joke of the day/week (tradition, pray, catholic, God) - Page 12

lilithu · #**111** 11-07-2005, 02:25 PM

Seems there is a guy who saves for twenty years to buy his dream car. He finally shells out a fortune for a brand-new, high-horsepower Lamborghini. Recognizing the deeply felt significance of realizing his lifelong dream, he drives over to a nearby Catholic Church and knocks on the parsonage door. "Father, I was wondering whether you'd be willing to say a blessing on my Lamborghini." "Certainly, my son, " replies the priest, "but what's a Lamborghini?" "Sorry to have troubled you father - I just have a feeling you're not the right man for the job."

So he drives to a nearby synagogue and repeats the question: "Rabbi, I was wondering whether you'd be willing to say a blessing on my Lamborghini?" "Certainly," replies the rabbi, "but what's a Lamborghini." "Gosh, rabbi, I guess maybe you're not the right person for this job either."

So he drives to his local UU meeting house and finds the minister. "I was wondering whether you would be willing to say a blessing on my Lamborghini." "Certainly," replies the UU minister, "What a sweet car! I'd love to have one myself, but what's a 'blessing'?"

lilithu · #**112** 11-08-2005, 05:59 PM

Q: Why is a UU congregation like granola?

A: When you take away all the fruits and and all the nuts, all you have left is flakes!

Green Gaia · #**113** 11-09-2005, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilithu

Q: Why is a UU congregation like granola?

A: When you take away all the fruits and and all the nuts, all you have left is flakes!

That's one of my favorites!

uu_sage · #**114** 11-09-2005, 11:53 AM

A man went to a drive through McCatholics and said,
"I'd like a burger, but hold the guilt."
The worker was a priest, and said,
"I'm sorry, we don't do special orders."
The first guy said,
"But what about your motto, 'Have it your way'?"
And the priest said,
"Oh no, you're thinking of 'Unitarian King' across the street!"

Davidium · #**115** 02-06-2006, 08:54 PM

There once was a town that was overun by squirrels...

These squirrels really liked to hang around around the town's four churches... and the churches all were aflutter with ideas of how to get rid of the squirrels.

The catholic preist decided that the squirrels were God's creatures, and that God must want them to be at the church... so the members just needed to accept the squirrels.

The Methodist minister ordered a large bag of squirrel food, and made a trail of food leading back out into the forrest... After the squirrels ate the food and then came back for more, he just gave up and went on sabbatical.

The baptist minister had his members build a small miniture church outside, and created the worlds largest squirrel house, filled with nuts and berries...

But the best plan for getting rid of the squirrels was actualy hatched by the UU Minister. He brought all the squirrells together, gave them an introductory class on UU'ism, had them sign the book (become members), then asked them for a pledge....

The squirrels were never heard from again.....

Green Gaia · #**116** 02-07-2006, 06:01 AM

Thanks David, I needed that this morning. Very timely since we are coming up on our canvass soon.

lilithu · #**117** 03-23-2007, 09:58 PM

"I am Catholic; in case of an accident, call a priest."

"I am Protestant; in case of an accident, call a minister."

"I am Jewish; in case of an accident, call a rabbi."

"I am Unitarian; in case of an accident, call a doctor."

Quagmire · #**118** 03-23-2007, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilithu

"Gods Rest Ye, Unitarians" (UU Version)

Gods rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay;
Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day;
When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

Our current Christmas Customs come from Persia and from Greece,
From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East.
This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

There was no star of Bethlehem, there was no angels' song;
There could not have been wise men for the trip would take too long.
The stories in the Bible are historically wrong,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact!

^This is Gold.

This thread is hilarious