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#1
06-21-2006, 02:52 AM
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Drafts - Poetry
I saw Sunstone's "Draft: Of Lions And Deer" post and thought it would be nice to have a draft thread. Where we can dump our unfinished work and get suggestions from the better artified of you.
I'll start
__________________
The only reason why conscious intentions fail is because they are sabotaged by subconscious counter intentions. 
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#2
06-21-2006, 02:54 AM
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I've kissed you everywhere
Your body has warmed mine We had a hot and romantic bath There were candles everywhere We were kissing with such passion and such an intensity of love You've touched me everywhere Oh, how I enjoyed last night. It feels sleasy. I want to romance it up a little. Any suggestions?
__________________
The only reason why conscious intentions fail is because they are sabotaged by subconscious counter intentions.
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#3
06-21-2006, 02:59 AM
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What about re working these lines to freshen them perhaps:
We bathed hot and romantic With candles everywhere ? Or, We bathed in waters hot and romantic With candles standing everywhere The shadows golden in the night ??
__________________
Then I came back from where I'd been. My room, it looked the same - but there was nothing left between The Nameless and the name. - Leonard Cohen.
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#4
06-21-2006, 03:01 AM
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Warm gold thrown against the night
?
__________________
Then I came back from where I'd been. My room, it looked the same - but there was nothing left between The Nameless and the name. - Leonard Cohen.
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#5
06-21-2006, 03:04 AM
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We bathed hot and romantic
With candles standing everywhere Warm gold thrown against the night ? That's my offering of gnat dust.
__________________
Then I came back from where I'd been. My room, it looked the same - but there was nothing left between The Nameless and the name. - Leonard Cohen.
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#6
06-21-2006, 03:51 AM
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Quote:
Maybe also with candles singing/flowing/dancing everywhere?
__________________
The only reason why conscious intentions fail is because they are sabotaged by subconscious counter intentions.
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#7
06-21-2006, 04:00 AM
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We bathed hot and romantic
With candles singing/swirling/dancing everywhere Warm gold thrown against the night ?
__________________
Then I came back from where I'd been. My room, it looked the same - but there was nothing left between The Nameless and the name. - Leonard Cohen.
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#8
06-21-2006, 04:03 AM
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Your kisses fell on me
More gold in the night ?
__________________
Then I came back from where I'd been. My room, it looked the same - but there was nothing left between The Nameless and the name. - Leonard Cohen.
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#9
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