Draft: Of Lions And Deer

[Sunstone]

A while back, I lived in the small artist's community of Manitou Colorado for a fall and winter. The town is jumbled between mountains, and during the cold months, the deer come into the town for food, followed a few days or weeks later by mountain lions.

I began a poem on it, and although I didn't finish the poem, I came across this draft the other night. Here is a part of the draft in which I work an image through four steps begining with prose and progressing into a minimally acceptable three lines of poetry:

About this time of year, the lions come down from the mountains. They come in close to town. Because of the deer.

About this time of year
Lions come from the mountains
And come in close
Because of the deer.

About this time of year
The lions down from the mountains
Come in close
Because of the deer.



And the lions down from the mountains
Come in close
Following the deer.



Comments?

Does anyone else want to post a bit of draft work for us to read?

[Mystic-als]

Originally Posted by Sunstone

Does anyone else want to post a bit of draft work for us to read?

When dolphons cry
Angels weap
He hears them
Hears their pain
When I cry
I weap
He hears me
fells my pain.

It feels emotionless. bland ant crap stuff. I want to get some feeling into it to help the imagery of the weaping angels and dolphins. But also don't want to detract from my pain.

Oh well...

[Mystic-als]

I'll start a "drafts" thread.