Intelligent Machines (evolve, verse)

[Scarlett Wampus]

Microchips more like ancient temples;
Silhouettes etched on the gold red sky.
The strange eggs
of futurism and magic
are hatching on the horizon of England.

We, the mediators
serve masters we've never met;
Machines put in motion
from eukaryotes to leviathans
without conceivable purpose
or violable laws.

As information evolves
communication goes beyond light
and shadowy forms dance into existence.
Before the human mind is mapped
it's daemons will be free
as they were from the beginning.

[Sunstone]

First quick impression: This is a poem to return to. Soil rich enough to plunge my hands in, rich enough to pull it loose and hold it up by the handful to my nose to inhale of its smell.

I'll read this poem again and let you know what I think of it beyond that first quick impression. Good work Scarlet. Keep 'em coming!

[Mystic-als]

Nice one! " Silhouettes etched on the gold red sky." my favourite line!
Keep them coming.

[Scarlett Wampus]

Thanks.

Sunstone I have to return to it as well (not right now though). I think this one needs to be fleshed out more. I know what I'm trying to say and its not clear enough, not enough feeling or description.

[Sunstone]

Microchips more like ancient temples;

I love the association of microchips with ancient temples. It's startling and moving. Also, I like how the first line above and the last three lines below echo each other in some way: ancient temples/ancient daemons perhaps. That's a very powerful echo and elaboration.

Before the human mind is mapped
it's daemons will be free
as they were from the beginning.

These last three lines frighten me, as they should, for they have much too much truth in them for me to ignore them. And the very last line is quite thought provoking. Human nature is a constant, don't you think?

[Scarlett Wampus]

Originally Posted by Sunstone

Microchips more like ancient temples;

I love the association of microchips with ancient temples. It's startling and moving. Also, I like how the first line above and the last three lines below echo each other in some way: ancient temples/ancient daemons perhaps. That's a very powerful echo and elaboration.

Needs work though. I feel that advancements in technology and what we want/expect from it is linked to archaic magic. In a way something very old contributes in pushing us forward, ancient desires are still trying to find fulfillment.

Since things start with that vision of microchips and ancient temples its a bit disorientating. Something like the bit below to begin with might've helped build up the context of when and where I was seeing this: -

The sanctuary of a paycheck
spent too quickly affords just this:
A night of feeling beautiful
on the balcony of a classy bar.

Yet with the sunset I am uneasy

Originally Posted by Sunstone

Before the human mind is mapped
it's daemons will be free
as they were from the beginning.

These last three lines frighten me, as they should, for they have much too much truth in them for me to ignore them. And the very last line is quite thought provoking. Human nature is a constant, don't you think?

Whatever it is, it escapes our capture and breaks out of our best efforts to change and define it. It shares with nature these qualities and through that I would think of it as a constant. If and when I ever get round to finishing this poem I want to emphasise this, and I should at least mention the kind of wishful thinking that the transhumanist movement has as I was reacting to this when I wrote it. With the potential of genetic modification, body augmention through nano-technology and strong AI we have no idea what we could unleash. Since much of this comes through reverse engineering our own biology I feel its like we could let lose things of wonderful and terrible power that we barely understand in ourselves.

Hmm, maybe I'll never finish it. I have to be in a certain mood to write.

[Sunstone]

I like your suggestion of begining with the immediate, the personal, rather than starting with the image of ancient temples and microchips. In a very subtle way, it helps to set a reflective mood and humanizes the poem.

The themes you wish to develop in this work excite me Scarlett. I hope you will soon work some more on this very important topic and share with us what you come up with. This is a poem that deserves to be finished or at least taken as far towards a finish as possible.