A Poem of Mine for You to Tear Apart (paradise, Revelation)

[dawny0826]

Then again...you could always try to make it rhyme.

hee hee...

[standing_alone]

I love poetry for the very fact that there really are no rules. It's one of the purest forms of written expression available.

I agree.

If you've expressed what you wanted to express...than it's complete.

I've expressed the feeling I want to express, but I think some of the stanzas have an akward rhythm to them and some parts are a bit "jumpy" - some don't seem to transition well.

[standing_alone]

Then again...you could always try to make it rhyme.

Rhyme schemes are shackles that hold in bondage your creativity!

[dawny0826]

Originally Posted by standing_alone

I agree.



I've expressed the feeling I want to express, but I think some of the stanzas have an akward rhythm to them and some parts are a bit "jumpy" - some don't seem to transition well.

I know I'm not helping...

But I thought it transitioned well. (I'm the defense attorney for your poem.)

[dawny0826]

Originally Posted by standing_alone

Rhyme schemes are shackles that hold in bondage your creativity!

Absofreakinglutely!

(Besides...I'm just not good at it...)

[standing_alone]

I know I'm not helping...

Nah, actually you are. You're giving me much encouragement - that's probably unwarranted.

(I'm the defense attorney for your poem.)

How much am I going to owe you in fees?

[Buttercup]

I don't think I can say anything bad about your poem Alyssa....it's quite expressive and made me feel your pain. It's very good!

I also liked how 2/3 of the way through you tossed in a non rhyming paragraph....smart way to break up the pattern for a moment.

Overall a worthy effort. Was this an assignment?

[standing_alone]

I don't think I can say anything bad about your poem Alyssa....it's quite expressive and made me feel your pain. It's very good!

Why, thank you! Oh, and... sorry for making you feel my pain... but then again, that's what us writers do.

I also liked how 2/3 of the way through you tossed in a non rhyming paragraph....smart way to break up the pattern for a moment.

That actually wasn't intentional, just couldn't work it to rhyme. Also, to be honest, I wrote this poem within an hour - well, I was working on it in my head before I got to my computer, but definately spent less than an hour at the computer typing. This is just the way it ended up. Hasn't been changed since I wrote it October 5th.

Was this an assignment?

Nope. I'm an amateur poet. Oh, and just a plain old writer. I wrote a few short stories and have a novel I'm working on (well, not so much anymore, since I'm losing interest in the novel itself). No published work though - never submitted anything.

[Sunstone]

Great choice of metaphore! Your work transcends the usual teenage angst poem, I think. I suspect you have talent worth developing. Is there a class or two you can take in poetry?