Funny Mormon Stories/Strange Church Stories (Jesus, priest, testimony, attending)

Bishka · #1 08-22-2007, 12:04 PM

The idea for this thread came from this post on a blog I read. (If you scroll down to read the comments, you'll see why it is so funny).

So what are some of your favorites that happened to you?

The only really strange thing that I can remember happening in SM (Sacrament Meeting) is when I was about 10 years old. I was attending my grandparents ward (a nearly dead ward) and we were singing the sacrament hymn and the chorister gets this contorted look on her face and then signals the pianist to stop playing and signals the congregation to stop singing. Then she says, "You sisters and brothers are not singing loud enough, we are going to start over until you can sing with the spirit." She stopped us about three other times. That has to be the longest SM I've ever sat through.

What about you?

jonny · #2 08-22-2007, 06:18 PM

That is hillarious! I literally laughed out loud.

I'll have to think about this one.

Bishka · #3 08-22-2007, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonny

That is hillarious! I literally laughed out loud.

I'll have to think about this one.

Did you read the comments all down the page? The hundreds of them and they range from the wacky to the down-right insane!

jonny · #4 08-22-2007, 06:40 PM

I didn't even follow the link the first time. Those are HILLARIOUS!!!
'
I was in a ward in Provo that was unique when it comes to Provo Singles Wards. It made things really fun at Testimony Meeting. One of the most ackward was when a guy got up and started bearing his testimony over losing a testicle to testicular cancer. I don't really consider that one funny. I can't decide if the funniest was the girl getting up and yelling "HOLLA!" to her roommates or the smoker who got up and said, "Yours might not stink as bad as mine, but we all sin." Oh, there was also the girl who got up in testimony meeting to get her Book of Mormon off the piano behind the pulpit. She went to the pulpit and said, "I didn't really want to bear my testimony. I just noticed my book on the piano and had to grab it."

Oh, there was also my drug-addicted-gay-Jew-returned-missionary neighbor (he was also the smoker from the story above) who went to the same institute class as me. He asked, "Was Jesus gay?" one day. When the teacher asked what he meant, he replied, "Well, you said that Christ has felt everything we feel. I feel like I like men, so I was wondering if Christ liked men also."

Bishka · #5 08-22-2007, 06:45 PM

Wow!

I'm sure there are other stories, when I go back to Church I'm going to have to start watching.

Oh, another one for you.

When I was about four years old, and I was attending my grandparents ward (same one), I did not quite understand the sacrament and apparently when the young men were passing the sacrament (after I had already gotten my water) I decided to tell my grandmother in a very loud voice, "Grandma, I want another drink of THAT water." My grandmother said her ward got a kick out of that one.

jonny · #6 08-22-2007, 06:48 PM

This one was pretty funny!

Quote:

My favorite sacrament meeting story is a woman who gets up in my ward and invites a young man to help her. She has a sword which she “stabs” him with (by sliding it through the arm that faces away from the congregation) She then summons the bishop to remove the sword, courtesy of his Priesthood Keys. It was hillarious. After that, we got the offical “no props” during sacrament meeting talks.

jonny · #7 08-22-2007, 06:49 PM

This one is even better!

Quote:

A woman got up to bear her testimony and went on and on about how grateful she was to the ward for all of their recent help since her husband’s surgery on his “scrotum” - she repeated the word several times in the testimony. Right after she finished, her husband got up and said “I have have one word for you - STERNUM!!”

Katzpur · #8 08-22-2007, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jonny

This one is even better!

Oh, my gosh. They don't come any funnier than that!

Okay, here's mine. This one happened in my ward, to me!!!! When my daughter was about 3 years old, she had an extremely annoying habit. She loved to suck her thumb. No, that's not even the annoying part. Not only did she constantly have her thumb in her mouth, she had her other hand in her underpants. It was her own little unique comfort thing, but it just about drove me nuts. It was one thing to have her do it in private, but she wasn't old enough to know that there are just some things you don't do in public, especially at church. Well, she was also pretty late in learning to talk. I always worried about that, but on this one occasion it proved to be a blessing. Anyway, we're sitting in our regular pew during Sacrament Meeting when I glanced over to see her with her one thumb in her mouth and her other hand down her underpants. "Honey, don't," I said. "Don't do that now." She looked at me, and indignantly announced (NOT in a whisper, either), "I payif my dzina if I want!!!!" Don't ask me to translate. You either get it or you don't.

silvermoon383 · #9 08-23-2007, 06:18 AM

My friend's dad related this in a talk once-

The church they were at was recently equipped with wireless microphones and speakers (for at least the chapel) and they had no problems at all. Then during the closing prayer, when the dear sister opened with "Our Father in Heaven", a voice came over the speakers- "Yeah, what'd'ya want?"

Turned out that truckers on the major road that the church was on could pick up the church service over the wireless mics on their CBs!