I need advice (rejecting, attending, churches, dogma, LDS)

[gmelrod]

So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months and the biggest source of friction in our relationship is religion. She goes to a small church that split off from the SO. Baptists about five years ago and has basicly stalled out. I was raised Catholic but I am less than diligent about attending Mass weekly. She wants me to go with her on SUndays to her church but I do not like it there. I have gone twice and I do not like it. I disagree with the theology. The charismatic nature of the worsip makes me uncomfterble and the music is simplistic and incipid. Yet when I tell her that I do not want to go with her she gets very upset. She says she feels that by my rejecting her church I am rejecting her. But this problems I have with her church she also shares (most of) but she still goes because she likes the people there and it is the curch she grew up in. I want to just give it time. I plan to go to grad school somewhere soon and she wants to go with me and get married. Where ever we go we can try and find a church that suits both of us. But she wants me to go with her now since I am not going to Mass every week. What should I do. Should I put my foot down and run the risk of loosing her ovr somthing that can be fixed with time. Or give in and compromise my principles? I would like everyone's input.

[Quagmire]

Originally Posted by gmelrod

So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months and the biggest source of friction in our relationship is religion. She goes to a small church that split off from the SO. Baptists about five years ago and has basicly stalled out. I was raised Catholic but I am less than diligent about attending Mass weekly. She wants me to go with her on SUndays to her church but I do not like it there. I have gone twice and I do not like it. I disagree with the theology. The charismatic nature of the worsip makes me uncomfterble and the music is simplistic and incipid.

LOL! And amen my friend. I've attended lots of services at alot of different churches and, as trite as it might sound, the quality (lack thereof) of the music was one of the things that convinced me of an absence of any sort of divine inspiration in attendance upon those people (actually made me nostolgic for my Roman Catholic upbringing).

Originally Posted by gmelrod

Yet when I tell her that I do not want to go with her she gets very upset. She says she feels that by my rejecting her church I am rejecting her.

Ask her, "So in other words it's you you'd like me to worship"?

Originally Posted by gmelrod

But this problems I have with her church she also shares (most of) but she still goes because she likes the people there and it is the curch she grew up in. I want to just give it time. I plan to go to grad school somewhere soon and she wants to go with me and get married. Where ever we go we can try and find a church that suits both of us. But she wants me to go with her now since I am not going to Mass every week. What should I do. Should I put my foot down and run the risk of loosing her ovr somthing that can be fixed with time. Or give in and compromise my principles? I would like everyone's input.

"Or give in and compromise my principles" make sure she understands that this is what you'd be doing (allthough I'd bet you've already tryed).

I would tell her (allthough I'm nobody to give relationship advice), "I understand you have an emotional attachment to your church and the people there, but you have to understand there's no reason for me to share that attachment. If you really want me to go there for the sake of humouring you, or for the social aspects, OK, just so you realise that's all I'd be doing".

Again, I would never take relationship advice from me, but I figured I'd put that out there anyway.

Good Luck in any case Gmelrod.

[Terrywoodenpic]

You have a problem...
1.. you are a fairly lame Catholic
2.. she seems to see the baptists more in terms of a social life.
3.. you both seem to believe in the love of God

It would seem that a compromise would be in order for a short while.

Why not try a church that will not seem too strange to either of you.
I would suggest an Episcopal Church ... it is in many ways both in theology and practice not far different to the Catholic, but as a protestant type church it is usually acceptable to Baptists.. I have been quite at home at services in all three churches.( but not the happy clappy sort)

Both of you would be able to take communion if you wish... no one will force you, you can even go up for a blessing instead. (The normal signal is that you hold a book and don't hold your hands out.)

Yes there are differences in dogma. But I am not talking about a long term conversion. Just a way for you to be with each other and God.

Try it on her ... it could be a pleasant learning process for you both, if only temporary til you find your own solution.

[gmelrod]

Actualy it is funny that you mention that. My stepfather was rectly hired as a music director for an episcopal church. I have commited to going with her this weekend (just to end the fight) but maybe next weekend I will see if she will go to the episcopal church. Thanks for the advice. and yea I am a lame catholic. The church here is pretty dead. There are just too many old people in my town. (I live in a SoFla retirement comunity.

[Shadow Wolf]

I too say to comprimise. The Episcopal church might be a good way to do so.

[Quagmire]

Or you could come home with a fake pentagram tattoo on your forhead. I'll bet she'd be open to comprimise when the shock wore off.

(see disclamer in my last post).

[Katzpur]

Well, since you didn't have an option that said, "Both of you start attending the LDS Church," I voted for you to attend your own Church.

Seriously, it sounds as if you've given her church a fair shot. How many times has she attended mass with you? If religion is truly a big issue with the two of you, I can't foresee that this is something that's going to be "fixed over time." What makes you so sure that the future is going to be any different from the present?

[Seraphiel]

It looks to me she is not ready for a serious relationship. A relationship is giving and taking. She should understand the fact, that you don't want to go to her church every sunday. And you must understand that you have to go to her church ones in a while to make her feel cared for. Good luck. I hope you talk calm and with full understanding for each-others feelings.

[michel]

Originally Posted by Terrywoodenpic

You have a problem...
1.. you are a fairly lame Catholic
2.. she seems to see the baptists more in terms of a social life.
3.. you both seem to believe in the love of God

It would seem that a compromise would be in order for a short while.

Why not try a church that will not seem too strange to either of you.
I would suggest an Episcopal Church ... it is in many ways both in theology and practice not far different to the Catholic, but as a protestant type church it is usually acceptable to Baptists.. I have been quite at home at services in all three churches.( but not the happy clappy sort)

Both of you would be able to take communion if you wish... no one will force you, you can even go up for a blessing instead. (The normal signal is that you hold a book and don't hold your hands out.)

Yes there are differences in dogma. But I am not talking about a long term conversion. Just a way for you to be with each other and God.

Try it on her ... it could be a pleasant learning process for you both, if only temporary til you find your own solution.

That's an excellent suggestion; it seems incredible (to me ) that religious differences should be such a contention in a relationship. When it comes down to it, you are both Christians, you love and worship the same God.

As Terry says, I think it would be ideal for you both to try neutral ground. For you to even contemplate splitting up over this is incredibly sad.......unless, of course, there are other problems in the relationship.