Advice Needed (hell, prophet, experience, pray, faith)

[Indo_Babe]

Hello, this is the first time I have used this site and I need assistance with my questions below that can be back up with reference to sections of the Quran.

1) My father is a very self centered man. He cares more about his image and what people think of him before us. Every thing we do must be based on what he expects from us. What does Islam have to say about this and what are the consiquences of this trait?

2) I was to be married to a guy who was not a muslem at the time. He loved me very much and cared about me a lot. In order so that we could be a muslem he got circumsized (spelling???) and also under went the conversation process. Long before he did that, he spent a lot of time reading / studying the Quran. Eventully when it came to the point where my father and him talked about the wedding, he could only afford to pay 25%.

His reason for this, was that his fdamily were to assist him, but his mother has bowl cancer and had to undertake opperations. Both his parents are old and pensioned off. As a result they could no longer pay his half like my family. As a result of this he had to save as much as he could on a low salary. When he told my father how much he had to offer, my father was angry and started saying that he insulted his family. I explained the story to my family about my boyfriends situation and my father did not care.

His reply was, that because my B/F's family was not muslem, he did not care. We only wanted a small wedding which was to be held at our place to cut the cost down. When my B/F and I worked at the cost, it was actully 50/50. But my father had his own agenda and wanted to invite all these people to the wedding to show off and make out what a big man he was and make my B/F pay 50% even though 90% of the people were from my side and mostly my dads friends and business partners. My father feels that anyone who is not muslem are animals. In regards to what I just wrote above, what does Islam say about this.

3) My B/F after this has had a very bad taste left in his mouth towards Islam and has now considered converting back because he says my father shows him what Islam represents and that it is not a religion of the heart as people told him. My father could not understand my B/F situation as he works very long hours (13hrs a day) and weekends a lot. Beside this he has to study his MBA for our future, and he sacrafices a lot for me. He did not like his Islamic teachers much, as he siad they where very pushy like my father expecting him to perform prayes within a week and be a dedicated compulsive muslim. A person who is I always heard that a person who is invited into the religon and becomes a muslem is a very special muslem. About the above, what does Islam state about this?

5) My father always goes on about how my B/F disrespects the family, and he disrepects Islam, just because my boy friend want do what my father expects him to do. When the fact is my b/f until recently was very caring and never did anything to disrespect my family or Islam. Even though he did not pray, he read the Quran, does this not count for something? My father and now my mother complain and say nothing but bad things about my B/F, telling me how they do not want me to marry him, because of their materialistic views. What does Islam teach us about this?

6) I find my father is a hypocrite. He only does good things when he sees that it will do his image good and does something good for him. When I was younger he made me and my family suffer for 7 years because of a business failure. Everyday all he did instead of getting out there and finding a job was praying to Alluah begging for forgiveness, but before this he never prayed 5 times a day. Since then he has become very riggard with the religion. For 7 years we had to live on his savings and suffer till one day he realised that praying will not solve the problem. What does Islam say about this?

7) My B/F has never entered into an argument or reacted towards my father about all the nasty things that have now happened. He always say not to waste your time beacuase no matter what you do or say it will not change a thing. He also says what goes around comes around and my father and mother will pay for they arrogence, insults, and stubboness etc. What does Islam teach us about this type of thing?

I am sorry to put this onto you, but I am very unhappy and starting to question my faith because of my experiences with my parents. Thank you for taking the time to answer if you do.

[Ardhanariswar]

this doesnt sound like a religious problem, just a problem in your father's character. have you tried talking to him about how much ur bf has worked hard to be accepted? maybe your mother can intervene and help. unless if women are passive in indonesia, i wouldnt know.

Islams teachings wont help i think. just using scripture against your father wont help a thing. unless if you have other intentions...

[DontFearMe]

Well , in this matter religion should have something to do with the solution. If your father wants to insist on himself being a muslim he should first know that your fiance has a better standing in front of Allah than he does. When he became muslim Allah forgave his past sins of ignorance, he is cleaner than your father. Your fiance perhaps should also ditch his teachers who are pushing him too hard. When the Prophet used to ask people to do something, he would ask them to do what is easy for them.

As far as the wedding, well you father should also know that big weddings are not a part of Islam. There was an instance where the Prophet was getting married and all he had for the feast was some dates, dried yogurt, butter and some little other things, that was it. If your father wants to pronounce he's a devout muslim maybe he should spend all that money on the big wedding and feed the poor with it.

The prophet was best to his family. The prophet said that you dont truly believe until you want for your brother what you want for yourself. Perhaps your father should contemplate on that one. Tell your fiance to be patient this may be a test from Allah to test his faith. Your father is not the representative of Islam, the prophet is and your fiance should recognize that. And perhaps he should find some new teachers, tell him to take his time. However, its very important that he learns how to pray, this is the 2nd pillar of islam.

Your situation is not at all uncommon and stems from a lack of education on islamic manners unfortunately. Pray and be patient.