A Clever Interview With Guitar's Cry (ritual, hell, America, myth)

[Sunstone]

Are bath soaps really superior to hand soaps? That's the sort of trenchant, insightful question we'll be asking Guitar's Cry today in our effort to uncover his many secret quirks and scandalous opinions. Join us as we probe beneath the surface to find the deeper, hidden meanings of the man, his guitar, and his favorite insectivores. And now...

What do you most love about Maine?

Would you describe your job for our readers and tell us how much you have embezzled from your employer?

How does your father's politics differ from your own?

On a daily basis, how often do you wish you were a Yeti?

In your opinion, about how many million years ago did we share a common ancestor with the chimpanzees?

Do blonds have more fun?

What is your opinion of post-modernism? Legitimate analytic perspective or French disease?

Which four animals, besides humans, most fascinate you and why?

In what way, if any, can we know deity?

Do you find yourself in fundamental agreement or disagreement with the statement, "The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dog"?

What's your favorite holiday and why?

What would you have done with the money the US has spent on invading and occupying Iraq?

If you could decorate your home in any manner you wished, how would you decorate it?

What do you most like about poetry?

What's the best forum on RF? Why is it the best?

Which six songs do you most like to play on your guitar?

What would you do if someone smaller than you hit you?

What's the secret to great home-made pizza?

Where would you live if you could live anywhere? Why there?

How would you characterize your drinking problem?

Which RFers strike you as being most true to themselves? Please name anywhere from one to six.

In biological terms, are tomatoes fruits or vegetables, and does the answer disturb you?

Over the years you've known her, in what way(s) has your mother changed?

Why aren't insects an important source of fuel for an industrial economy?

When thinking of how airplanes maneuver in three dimensional space, do you often and frequently wish you were a dolphin?

What's more important to you: Happiness, knowledge, or dietary fiber?

In your experience, are nude or semi-nude women automatically sexy?

Have you ever loaned someone so much money that you were worried whether they would pay it back? If so, have you done it more than once?

Is it fair that most humans only have ten fingers?

Have you read any Joseph Campbell, and if so, what do you consider his importance to be?

Is there anything in life that we should take grimly? If so, what sort of things should we be grim about?

Is there such a thing as the soul? If so, what is it?

When are people most realistic? When faced with a tiger or when discussing deity?

Should people who immigrate to the US adopt mainstream American dress? Why or why not?

[Guitar's Cry]

This is what I have so far. The rest may have to wait a bit. (I've had less time than I previous thought!)

What do you most love about Maine?

The seasons and forests. The coastline is also exquisite! All rough and wild; much more manly and testosterone-filled than that “pacific” ocean!

Would you describe your job for our readers and tell us how much you have embezzled from your employer?

I’m a cook’s assistant and student mentor at a Job Corps facility. Basically, I cook and clean while teaching the basics of such (as well as employability, social, and independent living skills) to young people.

It’s also a Department of Labor facility, so no embezzling from me!

How does your father's politics differ from your own?

Not much, though I’m much more environmentally aware. He is, on the other hand, much more aware of the state of healthcare and such.

On a daily basis, how often do you wish you were a Yeti?

At least three and a half times. I’ve already got the hair and run around naked in the woods...

In your opinion, about how many million years ago did we share a common ancestor with the chimpanzees?

-999,990. Give or take, of course.

Do blonds have more fun?

Not in my experience!

What is your opinion of post-modernism? Legitimate analytic perspective or French disease?

Post-modernism is a necessary cultural outlook; not only does it provide the meaning we never found in Modernism, but it provides a necessary cross-cultural canvas on which we can paint our unique information-overloaded experience.

Which four animals, besides humans, most fascinate you and why?

Wolves, because of the mystique of the images in mythology. Bats, for much the same reason and their affiliation with Halloween (foreshadowing!). Owls, ditto. And elephants, because of their neat ancestors (woolly mammoths) and their unique biology.

In what way, if any, can we know deity?

We experience deity in their cultural influence, and in how that influence reflects our reality. “God” is a symbol that I puzzle over, and in that puzzling I find much joy and meaning.

Do you find yourself in fundamental agreement or disagreement with the statement, "The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dog"?

Disagreement. Contrary to popular belief, foxes are direct register walkers. Their footfalls are in line with each other. So obviously, the red fox could not have jumped over a brown dog.

What's your favorite holiday and why?

Halloween! I love the dark imagery associated with it, and it was a very family-oriented celebration growing up.

[Sunstone]

Thank you for the first part, GC!

[Guitar's Cry]

Here are some more...

What would you have done with the money the US has spent on invading and occupying Iraq?

I probably would have used it to help solve some pressing environmental issues. You know, like alternate energy research, a more efficient recycling system, sending Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to the moon...

If you could decorate your home in any manner you wished, how would you decorate it?

Medieval, with walls of books, a big fireplace, and glittering bladed weapons on the walls with the books.

What do you most like about poetry?

Is there anything to dislike? Poetry is my art; it is how I creatively express that intangible relationship between my spirit and the world.

What's the best forum on RF? Why is it the best?

General religious debates is the one I spend most time in (and off-hand, I would say the busiest). It’s where the good meaty spiritual debates and discussions take place. Mm...meaty spirituality. Pass the A1!

Which six songs do you most like to play on your guitar?

Jim Steinman’s “Bat out of Hell,” Lionel Richie’s “Hello,” Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind,” Jim Croce’s “Time in a Bottle,” The Yardbird’s “Heart Full of Soul,” and Scorpion's “Wind of Change.”

(What?! No Stairway to Heaven?)

What would you do if someone smaller than you hit you?

If my years of martial arts training have taught me anything, probably block it.

What's the secret to great home-made pizza?

The sauce in my opinion. I mix tomato sauce and tomato paste for the perfect texture, then add garlic, pepper, basil, oregano, salt, onion, and some sugar. I prefer a spicy sauce, so I go light on the sugar, heavy on the pepper. (With maybe some red pepper for fun!)

Where would you live if you could live anywhere? Why there?

In the forest I grew up in here in Maine. It was where I went as a troubled teen for solace and peace. I learned a lot there, and I feel completely at home.

How would you characterize your drinking problem?

I consume way too much dihydrogen monoxide.

Which RFers strike you as being most true to themselves? Please name anywhere from one to six.

That’s a hard one; I’d hate to name names. There are those who seem genuinely interested in discussing and learning, and then there are those who appear to be here for other reasons.

In biological terms, are tomatoes fruits or vegetables, and does the answer disturb you?

I believe they are considered fruits. And that greatly disturbs me. Doesn’t it disturb you?

Over the years you've known her, in what way(s) has your mother changed?

She’s become more spiritual and more family-oriented, which is a positive change.

[Guitar's Cry]

I have more! Sorry for it taking so long, but I have to be careful in formulating my answers lest they be used against me for some nefarious purpose yet to be conceived.

Why aren't insects an important source of fuel for an industrial economy?

Their superior flying techniques make them too swift for our cleverest devices.

When thinking of how airplanes maneuver in three dimensional space, do you often and frequently wish you were a dolphin?

Only frequently. Especially when considering the varied forms of sex one could have...

What's more important to you: Happiness, knowledge, or dietary fiber?

Tough question! A philosophy professor once asked in a class on Existentialism, “Which would you choose, knowing the truth or being happy?” It was asked in the context of the “steak” scene in the Matrix.

I suppose I would choose being happy, though curiosity always compels me to delve deeper into knowledge and dietary fiber.

In your experience, are nude or semi-nude women automatically sexy?

Both! It depends more on the woman and the way in which she is depicted.

Have you ever loaned someone so much money that you were worried whether they would pay it back? If so, have you done it more than once?

Yes to both. But I don’t regret doing so.

Is it fair that most humans only have ten fingers?

I’ll go with yes. I can’t imagine being able to play guitar with anymore. (Though, imagine the chords I could do!)

Have you read any Joseph Campbell, and if so, what do you consider his importance to be?

I haven’t read his work directly, but have read of him and his ideas.

His work is highly important. Especially in furthering the understanding of the role of archetypes in myth and culture. The success of Star Wars, and the continuing popularity of hero epics speaks of this role.