What does the Bible say about being a grand parent? (church, experience)

[Ydnar]

I've had a difficult problem with relationships my entire adult life. Now I'm in the age of grand parenting. I decided to do something for my daughter that I thought I wanted my mom to do for me... STAY OUT OF HER BUSINESS... don't get me wrong. I love my children. But, I recall my mom and in-laws constantly calling and knocking at the door and in general just interrupting my time with my wife/family. My idea is that if my daughter wants me at her house or if she needs me then I am ALWAYS available and always will be there for her when and if she needs me.
Okay, I'm NOT your model Christian. I've had some very rough experiences with women who seemingly are far too involved with their children's lives. One has a daughter that constantly runs to momma when she needs money....a long history of drugs and men and in general no sense of responsibility. I lived with this woman for 5 years and we were to be married and I was very much in love with her. She had custody of two of her grand daughters but allowed the daughter to have them back once she had straightened up. For several months things were fine. The daughter (I'll call her M.) began to visit us frequently and (I'll call her B.) B began to drive to visit M. and the grand kids frequently. It's a 2 hour drive there! B. would work all day then leave work on Friday to pick up those kids to come stay with us for the weekend...then drive them home. Mind you, B's job was 1 1/2 hours away! This meant that she was on the road 5 1/2 hours when she worked all day then went to pick up the kids. Besides that, EVERY DAY M. and the grand children were calling here 2 or more times in the evening when B. got home from work. Needless to say, it was draining her and left no time for us. I just totally felt that the problem became B! She was giving M. every opportunity to not take on the responsibilities of being a parent or a wife. Their living conditions were not very good but they were livable. In the end B. left me, cashed in her 401k, bought a house she could barely afford and M., her husband, and the girls moved into the house together. Shortly after that M. ran off her husband and within 2 weeks had an ex-brother in law moved in.
Okay, enough of that drama... It took me 6 months to overcome the depression of losing B... then I met G. who I've been dating for 4 months. We never can have much time together. She is a "recovering backslider". In the past she had left her husband to marry another man. She divorced him after enduring his abuse, adultery, etc. She visits her daughter and grand children a couple of times a week and spends all day Saturday and some times spends a night or two with this daughter. I tell her that she is taking away from their family life and she is too involved and that it gives us no real time together. My honest feeling is that she visits me for sex while knowing that my intentions are for a relationship which will lead to marriage.... the very last one and forever!!!!
It seems that all the women I've met who are in their 40's or 50's have this attitude that their children and grand children are the most important thing in their lives. I see this as being an enabler to many problems that creep into marriages and in life in general... they can use granny! Use her money and her time to go have "FUN".... rather than developing the discipline and resources to maintain their own home... Remember B. and M.? Well, there's my beloved B... working 2 jobs! M. having FUN, never working, has live in boyfriend, and look who's paying the mortgage! and the utilities!
I'm sure there are biblical scriptures that relate to grand parents and how they should or should not be involved with their children's home but I've yet to find anything telling me one way or the other. It is a dilemma I am dealing with and looking to the Bible for answers... anyone have a clue what the Bible says on this subject?

[EtuMalku]

Which bible are you asking about?

[Dunemeister]

The bible has nothing to say directly about being a grandparent, at least as far as I can remember. The general principle, though, is "leave and cleave." People are to leave their parents and cleave to their wives/husbands. Thus parents lose "controlling interest" in their children's lives once they are married. (In our culture, it happens well before that.) But the point is that once the children have expressed their independence by moving out, they're on their own except for helpful advice when they ask for it. Intervene only when the situation is dire -- addiction, adultery, that sort of thing -- but ONLY when you have all the facts AND realize that you may be risking the relationship by intervening. But for issues like childrearing and such, again as long as it isn't downright abusive or neglectful, stay the heck out of it.

[Ydnar]

Originally Posted by EtuMalku

Which bible are you asking about?

When referring to the Bible... I'm using a general term/name that would apply to any sect of the judeo-christian ethic.... basically, whatever versions which would apply to me as a person raised in the Southern Baptist Church... I don't need to know how someone in a foreign country or a religion that is foreign to me lives... so, just whatever should apply to my own life and the general population I would encounter is all this question really concerns. However, I do think the question really regards the general ethics of parenting from the grand parent's as well as the parent's role and responsibilities. However, any substantiated philosophy would be greatly appreciated. I would really like to know what is considered RIGHT on this subject.

[angellous_evangellous]

"Thou shalt tickle they grandkids, but not until they pee in their pants."

"Thou shalt spoil them with sweets, expensive Christmas presents, and so forth."

2 Assumptions 3:19-20

[Tau]

Originally Posted by Ydnar

When referring to the Bible... I'm using a general term/name that would apply to any sect of the judeo-christian ethic.... basically, whatever versions which would apply to me as a person raised in the Southern Baptist Church... I don't need to know how someone in a foreign country or a religion that is foreign to me lives... so, just whatever should apply to my own life and the general population I would encounter is all this question really concerns. However, I do think the question really regards the general ethics of parenting from the grand parent's as well as the parent's role and responsibilities. However, any substantiated philosophy would be greatly appreciated. I would really like to know what is considered RIGHT on this subject.

Grandparents are 'parents' of the grand kids, once removed, and should consider themselves so, so whatever the bible proscribes for parent child relations probably applies to grandchildren too.

Personally I think you should just use your intuition and judgement, assuming you have these qualities, no offence intended.

[Super Universe]

Originally Posted by Ydnar

I've had a difficult problem with relationships my entire adult life. Now I'm in the age of grand parenting. I decided to do something for my daughter that I thought I wanted my mom to do for me... STAY OUT OF HER BUSINESS... don't get me wrong. I love my children. But, I recall my mom and in-laws constantly calling and knocking at the door and in general just interrupting my time with my wife/family. My idea is that if my daughter wants me at her house or if she needs me then I am ALWAYS available and always will be there for her when and if she needs me.
Okay, I'm NOT your model Christian. I've had some very rough experiences with women who seemingly are far too involved with their children's lives. One has a daughter that constantly runs to momma when she needs money....a long history of drugs and men and in general no sense of responsibility. I lived with this woman for 5 years and we were to be married and I was very much in love with her. She had custody of two of her grand daughters but allowed the daughter to have them back once she had straightened up. For several months things were fine. The daughter (I'll call her M.) began to visit us frequently and (I'll call her B.) B began to drive to visit M. and the grand kids frequently. It's a 2 hour drive there! B. would work all day then leave work on Friday to pick up those kids to come stay with us for the weekend...then drive them home. Mind you, B's job was 1 1/2 hours away! This meant that she was on the road 5 1/2 hours when she worked all day then went to pick up the kids. Besides that, EVERY DAY M. and the grand children were calling here 2 or more times in the evening when B. got home from work. Needless to say, it was draining her and left no time for us. I just totally felt that the problem became B! She was giving M. every opportunity to not take on the responsibilities of being a parent or a wife. Their living conditions were not very good but they were livable. In the end B. left me, cashed in her 401k, bought a house she could barely afford and M., her husband, and the girls moved into the house together. Shortly after that M. ran off her husband and within 2 weeks had an ex-brother in law moved in.
Okay, enough of that drama... It took me 6 months to overcome the depression of losing B... then I met G. who I've been dating for 4 months. We never can have much time together. She is a "recovering backslider". In the past she had left her husband to marry another man. She divorced him after enduring his abuse, adultery, etc. She visits her daughter and grand children a couple of times a week and spends all day Saturday and some times spends a night or two with this daughter. I tell her that she is taking away from their family life and she is too involved and that it gives us no real time together. My honest feeling is that she visits me for sex while knowing that my intentions are for a relationship which will lead to marriage.... the very last one and forever!!!!
It seems that all the women I've met who are in their 40's or 50's have this attitude that their children and grand children are the most important thing in their lives. I see this as being an enabler to many problems that creep into marriages and in life in general... they can use granny! Use her money and her time to go have "FUN".... rather than developing the discipline and resources to maintain their own home... Remember B. and M.? Well, there's my beloved B... working 2 jobs! M. having FUN, never working, has live in boyfriend, and look who's paying the mortgage! and the utilities!
I'm sure there are biblical scriptures that relate to grand parents and how they should or should not be involved with their children's home but I've yet to find anything telling me one way or the other. It is a dilemma I am dealing with and looking to the Bible for answers... anyone have a clue what the Bible says on this subject?

You are here telling us, strangers, that you will always be there for your daughter, but does your daughter really know this? Does she know it absolutely, positively, without any doubt? She is YOUR daughter, not your mother's. I think that maybe you should visit your daughter and have a serious talk. Make sure she knows. Smile when you are explaining yourself, cry, but make sure there is no doubt whatsoever in her mind that you love her.

Women feel that grandchildren are the most important thing in their lives because they are. Maybe you should stop being jealous of a child you cannot compete with?

You believe that children should, essentially, raise themselves. That they should learn every lesson on their own. A bit of this is good but a bit of that is also good. There is value in the attempt because it shows you care. I think you are afraid to show you care because you are afraid of being disappointed. Children develop into their own identity, they are not copies of you, and you know, it's okay that they do that. Do you wish you were exactly like your parents?

[Charity]

Buy grandchildren everything you couldn't buy their parents whey they were small.
Spend lots of time with them
Let them eat cake, ice cream, candy and everything that you told their mom or dad, that they couldn't have.
In other words spoil them rotten and then send them home for their parents to deal with the problem that you created......

HA! The ultimate payback for the parents that tormented you when they were growing up........................My way of doing unto others as they did to me

Just joking I think you should bring them up up and train them to have right ethics and morals and love them........I think that is what The Bible would teach same as for all children...............

[Ydnar]

As for my relationship with my kids... they have absolutely no question whether I love them or not... they KNOW I AM THERE FOR THEM and respect them by not telling them how to live since they are doing a fine job of living and rearing my grandchildren without my help. I can only feel that I did my job very well BEFORE they left home. It sure makes it easier to enjoy my senior years without worrying what terrible things they've gotten into.
The problems I've had are not my children but children of women I've dated... they can't seem to live their own lives without being totally dependent on their mothers so they can dump the kids on mom while they go play and get into all kinds of things rather than staying at home and being a good wife and mother... to the point that mommy cashed in her 401K to buy a house so this girl could move in with her and play while her husband was out of town working all the time rather than living in a smaller house owned by his mother who could keep an eye on things while he was out of town working... and now they're divorced and she's shacked up with a bro/law from a previous marriage... had her mom stayed out of it she would have had to accept the responsibility of family and mother and in essence been forced into a stable life.