Stupid Situation (moral, reject, tradition, experience, charity)

[huajiro]

I was wondering if anyone here has ever gone through this situation I am experiencing. I make good money....not bragging....it is a fact. I have noticed that all of my friends seem to be broke all the time. I don't mind paying for someone if I go out, but it seems like I am paying all the time. I like to hang out with people, but I don't want to pay for friendship.

Should I lie and act like I am broke too?

Am I just being selfish?

What would you do?

[Rex]

I do the same thing sometimes. It's not like your "missing" the money it's just that they are taking slight advantage over the situation.

I just plain stopped doing it. Your not a walking charity and they are your friends and you will help them when they need it but handouts are a no-no.

Just my .02

[Lightkeeper]

I don't think you have to lie. Just stop paying for them.

[robtex]

Huajiro, I am not currently but have been before in the same boat as you. Actually we have similar personalities so maybe my opinion can be relevant to you. I have had many years in my adult life more recently where I made a lot of money and had the same thing. As a matter of fact within in the last two years.

I came to the realization that I just needed to set boundries. It is funny how fast you find out who your friends are when you do that. I had "friends" who were constantly busy the moment they found I wasn't buying every single time. To me it wasn' t a negative experience though because anytime I find enlightment I think I have just found a postitve experience.

Two things I can tell you about what you are saying.
1) you will find it hard to play broke. People know what you do for a living and have a feel for what you are making. You will be caught in a lie over and over and over if you play broke

2) You are already defining boundries by playing broke but in a way that comes across shady.

Based on these two premises (which are my opinions and can be rejected based on subjectivity) I would advocate a heathier alternative of setting boundries. The boundries you set can be absolute and not realtive as it is "your money".

Intreseting enough it has been a very postitive tool in the dating world which are you now a part of again. I will traditionally pay of the first two dates and than depending on her financial status expect there to be an ebb and flow of financial responsiblity on dating.

I have found that a small but signifigant precentage of woman reject this on "moral" grounds and that usually they are looking for a man to take care of them ...(which may have happened with your ex---guessing from your previous posts on here) and that my cash flow is a bigger factor in the decison to date me than I am comfortable with.

As with any information you recieve, it is a tool at your disposal that can either be a benefit or detrement to you dending on how you position it.

When you "play broke" you will not likely fool your friends but instead insult them and not put up the bounderies you feel are neccessary to secure the friendship you have with them.

[huajiro]

I just wish I could find friends like me in San Diego.

[Lightkeeper]

Opposites attract. Would we learn anything from people who are just like us?

[huajiro]

I am just tired of arguing....my wife and I were so different....my friends also....I just want to hear people agree with me for once.

[robtex]

Originally Posted by Lightkeeper

Opposites attract. Would we learn anything from people who are just like us?

LK that could be a thread in and of itself but I would have to say without changing the theme of the thread that my opinion is 180 degrees of yours..I think opposites repel and likeness attract. The whole area of influence one has in the dating arena can be measure I feel, by how wide their sprectrum of acceptance is creating a small window for opposites to exist in.

[Circle_One]

That happens to me because I make better money than most of my friends, but most of the time, I don't care. I pay for them because I want to. Even if they have money with them, I do it just because that's the way I am. I, however, refuse to let anyone pay for me ever. I've actually got into massive fights (that almost always turned into fist fights) with an ex-boyfriend of mine because I wouldn't let him buy me a drink at the bar. It's just a thing I have, I suppose.

But I do know those people who try and milk it and I generally just try to either distance myself from them or tell them straight to their faces that they're constant borrowing is a nuisance and I refuse to continue to foot the bill for them. Usually my version doesn't sound so nice, as I'm not one to keep my feelings bottled up. If I've got something to say, I'm going to say it. I'm not big with beating around the bush, so if you are...I'm afraid I can't help, sorry.

[huajiro]

I am a lonley person....I don't put up with anything from people. This is because I would never do anything to anyone else, I expect the same treatment....people are a trip.