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  #1  
Old 07-03-2007, 10:37 PM
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Default Dating advice?
I need some advice here. I have not really dated anyone in a really long time, so I'm kind of naive. I recently met a neat guy online (quite by accident), who is the first guy I've ever met who shares an incredible amount in common with me. So I took a chance and decided to go out with him. I confess I was a bit disappointed in his looks in person, and he's definitely not the "type" physically that I'm usually attracted to. However, he's a great guy it seems, and we got along really well.

Should I continue to see him to see if anything develops? Or is physical attraction on a first date essential? I don't want to be superficial or shallow. I'm very picky about guys (which is why I haven't dated anyone in so long), and I've finally met a guy who has potential. It's the only reason I decided to take a chance. Anyone have any advice? Should physical attraction happen right away?
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Old 07-03-2007, 10:49 PM
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Should I continue to see him to see if anything develops? Or is physical attraction on a first date essential? I don't want to be superficial or shallow. I'm very picky about guys (which is why I haven't dated anyone in so long), and I've finally met a guy who has potential. It's the only reason I decided to take a chance. Anyone have any advice? Should physical attraction happen right away?
Sometimes physical attraction happened right away and things worked out pretty well.

Other times it happened right away, but on further examination, our values were just too different. Oops.

And in other cases, the physical attraction came later.

I can't say I was terribly physically attracted to my husband for months after I met him. It took longer.

But we've been married, what...22 years now? I've never found anyone I'd be willing to trade him in for.
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  #3  
Old 07-03-2007, 10:55 PM
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As a Christian you should be looking for another Christian. Who will treat you like a queen, and will love you better than himself. If you cannot love him based on his looks don't waste his time. However if you will love him, even though he may be less attractive, if you are willing to see into his heart, like God does, instead of on the outside, then date him.

But dont act like you are "all that" as though no one is worthy of you. But still don't set your boundaries be too low...or too high.

However a good looking man or woman is what we humans seek. I would want a good looking wife...so I can understand if you want a good looking man, or atleast one with a good looking body.
Last edited by JayHawes; 07-03-2007 at 10:59 PM..
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  #4  
Old 07-03-2007, 11:13 PM
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Hope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on treesHope thinks frubals grow on trees
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As a Christian you should be looking for another Christian. Who will treat you like a queen, and will love you better than himself. If you cannot love him based on his looks don't waste his time. However if you will love him, even though he may be less attractive, if you are willing to see into his heart, like God does, instead of on the outside, then date him.

But dont act like you are "all that" as though no one is worthy of you. But still don't set your boundaries be too low...or too high.

However a good looking man or woman is what we humans seek. I would want a good looking wife...so I can understand if you want a good looking man, or atleast one with a good looking body.
He is a Christian. I wouldn't have given him the time of day if he weren't. That's the first thing I look for. But I have other specific criteria I look for in a guy (not physical criteria, but character, and goals in life...stuff like that), and because I have these criteria, I haven't dated anyone in ages. This is the first guy I've met that actually meets much of my criteria.

I think being physically attracted to someone is absolutely essential, but I also know it's not the end-all and be-all.

I'm certainly not "all that," but I do value myself enough to know I'm worth waiting for, and that the right man is worth waiting for as well.
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  #5  
Old 07-03-2007, 11:20 PM
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He is a Christian. I wouldn't have given him the time of day if he weren't. That's the first thing I look for. But I have other specific criteria I look for in a guy (not physical criteria, but character, and goals in life...stuff like that), and because I have these criteria, I haven't dated anyone in ages. This is the first guy I've met that actually meets much of my criteria.

I think being physically attracted to someone is absolutely essential, but I also know it's not the end-all and be-all.

I'm certainly not "all that," but I do value myself enough to know I'm worth waiting for, and that the right man is worth waiting for as well.
I can confess that I would rather my mate be asthetically pleasing (good looking), but i also know that character matters most as you have said. But if you set criteria, as though a man will come along and fill all them you'll be waiting for a long time becuase noone is perfect. Remember, that if God set criteria for you to come to him...you wouldn't be able to, becuase you would never meet them. Yet, God still accpets you as you are, not base on your looks, or your goals, but your commitment.


P.S.- dont look for too much, but also dont date a dead-beat.
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  #6  
Old 07-03-2007, 11:33 PM
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I can confess that I would rather my mate be asthetically pleasing (good looking), but i also know that character matters most as you have said. But if you set criteria, as though a man will come along and fill all them you'll be waiting for a long time becuase noone is perfect. Remember, that if God set criteria for you to come to him...you wouldn't be able to, becuase you would never meet them. Yet, God still accpets you as you are, not base on your looks, or your goals, but your commitment.


P.S.- dont look for too much, but also dont date a dead-beat.
Thanks for your advice, JayHawes. I am certainly trying to keep my mind and heart open to anyone God brings along, which is why I decided to go out with this guy in the first place. I don't expect perfection at all. However, I do know that my calling in life is to serve God abroad, and only a man with a similar calling or goal would be suitable for me. I would rather remain single and fulfill God's calling, than marry someone who has no desire to live and serve God abroad. My priority in life is not getting a husband. My priority is to serve God. And if it's His will, He'll bring me someone to work alongside me.
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Old 07-04-2007, 07:23 AM
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I need some advice here. I have not really dated anyone in a really long time, so I'm kind of naive. I recently met a neat guy online (quite by accident), who is the first guy I've ever met who shares an incredible amount in common with me. So I took a chance and decided to go out with him. I confess I was a bit disappointed in his looks in person, and he's definitely not the "type" physically that I'm usually attracted to. However, he's a great guy it seems, and we got along really well.

Should I continue to see him to see if anything develops? Or is physical attraction on a first date essential? I don't want to be superficial or shallow. I'm very picky about guys (which is why I haven't dated anyone in so long), and I've finally met a guy who has potential. It's the only reason I decided to take a chance. Anyone have any advice? Should physical attraction happen right away?
Maybe he's a real prince charming underneath. It's really hard to get a true gentleman. If he makes you happy and treats you with respect, give him a chance. You might fall in love. It is better to try and be disappointed for a while than to spend a lifetime wondering what could have been.
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Old 07-04-2007, 05:23 PM
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Hmm...I think you're right that physical attraction is important, but in my experience it can grow on you if you really like the person. There's a big difference between somebody who is just so-so, and someone who you really don't want to think of being physical with. The first one often gets better but the second one just leads to problems for both partners. That's just my take on it of course. Also remember that even if it seems like there are barely any guys out there, this one is definitely not the last man on earth, you don't need to hang onto someone because it seems risky to let them go and be single again. Again just my opinion. : )
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Old 07-04-2007, 06:19 PM
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I need some advice here. I have not really dated anyone in a really long time, so I'm kind of naive. I recently met a neat guy online (quite by accident), who is the first guy I've ever met who shares an incredible amount in common with me. So I took a chance and decided to go out with him. I confess I was a bit disappointed in his looks in person, and he's definitely not the "type" physically that I'm usually attracted to. However, he's a great guy it seems, and we got along really well.

Should I continue to see him to see if anything develops? Or is physical attraction on a first date essential? I don't want to be superficial or shallow. I'm very picky about guys (which is why I haven't dated anyone in so long), and I've finally met a guy who has potential. It's the only reason I decided to take a chance. Anyone have any advice? Should physical attraction happen right away?
Sometimes I meet people who I think are attractive at first, but after getting to know their personality they start to seem very ugly. On the other hand, I've met people who I was less than impressed with at first, but after getting to know them they have become more attractive in my eyes. Maybe that will be the same for you.
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Old 07-04-2007, 08:08 PM
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I'm the last one who should be giving dating advice. I always hated dating, in fact I basically skipped that part. There is something I remember and I don't know where I heard it but it stuck with me. I'll paraphrase it as best as I can remember.

There was a student, I don't remember if it was a student of Plato or Aristotle or Confucius, but it was some famous philosopher.

Anyway, the student asked the teacher "What is love?".

He responded "Go to a field of wheat. Walk straight through the field without turning left or right or stepping backwards. As you walk find the fullest head of wheat and take it, but remember you can only take one. When you do that, I will tell you what love is.".

The student went out as instructed but came back empty handed. The teacher asked, "Why did you come back with nothing?"

The student replied, "I did just as you said. I walked straight through the field of wheat and I saw many full heads of wheat. But when I went to pluck one, I thought to myself, if I just go a little further I might find one even better. Before I knew it I had reached the end of the field without taking anything."

"That is love." said the teacher.

The student then asked "What is marriage?"

The teacher told the student "Go into the forest and walk straight through it without turning left or right or going back and find the tallest, most magnificent tree. Cut it down and bring it to me. When you return I will tell you what marriage is."

The student returned sooner than expected with a rather average looking tree. The teacher asked "Is this the best one you could find?"

The student answered "I was afraid I would reach the end of the forest and return with nothing, so I found a good tree and cut it down, and here it is."

"That is marriage." said the teacher.
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