Is Divorce that Prevelant? (tradition, evolution, doctrine, marriage, religion) - Page 6

MysticSang'ha · #51 03-22-2007, 12:05 PM

Wow. I think many here are being a tad bit too hard on today's youth.

Just think about what our elders were saying about US when we first set foot out in the real world! Granted, I understand the sentiment about this very catchy "me-first" generation coming of age, but I truly don't think younger adults are so intrinsically selfish to not take seriously the vows of marriage.

Consider that back in the "good ol' days", divorce was not considered acceptable, but adultery was often a reality where husbands and wives turned a blind eye. Alcoholism and drug abuse had not been openly sought for counseling and were often times swept under the rug or ignored, and spousal abuse (both sides) and child abuse were also never considered as grounds for divorce.

I am a divorcee who remarried a damn good man. My first husband suffered from a very distinct drug and alcohol addiction where counseling had no effect on any recovery. I certainly don't consider myself part of this "me first" selfish and indulgent demographic that I see some of you so ready to demonize. I worked hard and sacrificed 4 years of constant abuse and heartache........

Certainly not "one" moment of hard times. My ex-husband needed to be homeless, destitute, and without an ounce of support from his birth family in order to finally seek help from his addiction. I assume that some of you would suggest that I should have stayed with this man? I saw what that did from my own parents and my mother's explanation that staying in the marriage is better, and I can safely say that from my own experience of watching my own kids, from observing other family members that escaped abusive situations and remarried to healthy-minded folk, that divorce is not as horrible as some here might point out to be. In certain situations, it truly is the best thing for the children when their safety and sanity is at risk.

Also, I know of not that many Generation-X-ers who are more materialistic than their parents...........my parents bought things on credit, as did my grandparents. And I've also read very convincing reports that show that the major purchases on my generation's credit cards are not hawaii vacations or car accessories to pimp their rides - it's auto shop repairs, dental bills, orthodontic bills for kids, and even insurance payments.

There are also plenty of people in my generation that are still having to work two jobs in order to pay beyond the basic necessities..........no, not that luxury living room set or the health spa fees, but "stupid and needless" things like student loan payments.

So, I'll give you some leeway, that as a whole our culture has become more materialistic, but today's youth is not this stupid. Give the kids a break. Jeez.......

Peace,
Mystic

Quoth The Raven · #52 03-22-2007, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moon Woman

and in my humble opinion, just having to live with the *average*, run of the mill 20-something male day in and day out would be something like torture. sorry but it just seems to me they are much more immature than the average, run of the mill 20-something female.

Actually,in my experience,the average, run of the mill 20-something female is just as immature as the average guy, it just tends to manifest itself in different ways that may not be so glaringly obvious.

Bishka · #53 03-22-2007, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticSang'ha

So, I'll give you some leeway, that as a whole our culture has become more materialistic, but today's youth is not this stupid. Give the kids a break. Jeez.......

Did you read the bit about how this mother paid for her married daughters cars (three times), paid cellphone bills, and bought new clothes for this MARRIED girl? This girl didn't even have a job. You'd be surprised how many people I know still get money and things from their parents. Perhaps I see it more oftne in the LDS culture (which is true from my viewpoint).

SoyLeche · #54 03-22-2007, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MysticSang'ha

Wow. I think many here are being a tad bit too hard on today's youth.

Just think about what our elders were saying about US when we first set foot out in the real world! Granted, I understand the sentiment about this very catchy "me-first" generation coming of age, but I truly don't think younger adults are so intrinsically selfish to not take seriously the vows of marriage.

Consider that back in the "good ol' days", divorce was not considered acceptable, but adultery was often a reality where husbands and wives turned a blind eye. Alcoholism and drug abuse had not been openly sought for counseling and were often times swept under the rug or ignored, and spousal abuse (both sides) and child abuse were also never considered as grounds for divorce.

I am a divorcee who remarried a damn good man. My first husband suffered from a very distinct drug and alcohol addiction where counseling had no effect on any recovery. I certainly don't consider myself part of this "me first" selfish and indulgent demographic that I see some of you so ready to demonize. I worked hard and sacrificed 4 years of constant abuse and heartache........

Certainly not "one" moment of hard times. My ex-husband needed to be homeless, destitute, and without an ounce of support from his birth family in order to finally seek help from his addiction. I assume that some of you would suggest that I should have stayed with this man? I saw what that did from my own parents and my mother's explanation that staying in the marriage is better, and I can safely say that from my own experience of watching my own kids, from observing other family members that escaped abusive situations and remarried to healthy-minded folk, that divorce is not as horrible as some here might point out to be. In certain situations, it truly is the best thing for the children when their safety and sanity is at risk.

Also, I know of not that many Generation-X-ers who are more materialistic than their parents...........my parents bought things on credit, as did my grandparents. And I've also read very convincing reports that show that the major purchases on my generation's credit cards are not hawaii vacations or car accessories to pimp their rides - it's auto shop repairs, dental bills, orthodontic bills for kids, and even insurance payments.

There are also plenty of people in my generation that are still having to work two jobs in order to pay beyond the basic necessities..........no, not that luxury living room set or the health spa fees, but "stupid and needless" things like student loan payments.

So, I'll give you some leeway, that as a whole our culture has become more materialistic, but today's youth is not this stupid. Give the kids a break. Jeez.......

Peace,
Mystic

Of course these things have always been present. The issue is that they are becoming more prevalent - in the culture as a whole, but manifested more in the younger generation because they have grown up with the changes already present. And I also understand that generalizations are not true, but they tend to be true "in general".

Also, one of the problems is that kids today are given too many breaks - it's hard to argue against the fact that they tend to mature (emotionally) later in life than their parents did.

MysticSang'ha · #55 03-22-2007, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckysoup61

Did you read the bit about how this mother paid for her married daughters cars (three times), paid cellphone bills, and bought new clothes for this MARRIED girl? This girl didn't even have a job. You'd be surprised how many people I know still get money and things from their parents. Perhaps I see it more oftne in the LDS culture (which is true from my viewpoint).

No, Becky. I'm not surprised. I may only be 34, but I do have a tad bit of time around the block. I have a couple of family members who go through this same thing.........where a couple who are my age practically don't pay for anything save for "personal" shopping expenses. Their parents pay for their mortgage, their kids' private school fees, their food budget, their car payments, their insurance.........I mean, the list goes on and on.

And guess what? This couple has been married for almost 15 years.

No, I just get rather annoyed when the younger generation becomes so villified for certain assumptions. The vast majority of younger adults that I know are truly doing their best to save up for college, for a house, for a car (which nearly always is used), among other things. And when we hear accusations such as these that I see in this thread, it really wears thin.

Like I'd said, there ARE couples that use the "no-fault" divorce clause in a ridiculous way, but I also see a lot of assumptions that:

1) Only Generation X and younger are getting divorces at a higher rate

2) The only reason Generation X and younger would ever divorce are for petty reasons. There obviously is no such thing as abuse or any of the other cruel conditions that spouses have desired to get out of their lives.

So, again. I assume some of you would have suggested that my desire to leave my alcoholic and abusive husband was self-indulgent and petty?

Peace,
Mystic

!Fluffy! · #56 03-22-2007, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beckysoup61

So you wouldn't even try to work on it, you'd just leave? Which ways of immaturity are completley unacceptable to you?

adultery, abuse, addictions... the usual

CelticRavenwolf · #57 03-22-2007, 12:25 PM

Why do you think it's getting more common at a younger age? Because people are getting without considering the consequences. Not that in the past people haven't gotten married younger, but back then they were (and sometimes still are) arranged marriages, or marriages of convenience. Teens and young adults get starry-eyed by the concept of marriage, and jump into it without fully getting to know their partner first. They think because the first 6 months were blissful and romanitc their whole life will be like that. Many, many kids see high school as Everything - what happens here is the be all and all of their lives. If they don't find true love in a high school sweetheart, they'll be lonely the rest of their lives. With teenage sex becoming more and more obvious, those that aren't engaging in these behaviours are the ones who feel ostracized and different. Some feel that they HAVE to participate in order to be 'grown up'. It's not cool to be single. And if you're getting married? Über cool! And it's not just married, but living together that makes teens seem so 'grown up'.

Reason you think they are getting divorced? There are two primary reasons: 1) That they wake up and realize it was a mistake.
2) They fall on tough times and find it easier to give up than to work it out.

For the first answer, the couple finds that they continue to mature, and ultimately grow apart. They want different things out of life that they never considered before, they find differences in personality that they didn't reveal in the first year or so, etc. They realize it was a mistake and get out before it's too late.

For the second answer, I think that this one is far more prevalent in people of ANY age. People get married, but when things go south, they just get a divorce instead of trying to work through it? I think a lot of this mentality comes from the fact that divorce is no longer taboo, and people are no longer looked down upon for getting divorced. I know that in my nearly 3 years of marriage (I've been with my husband for about 8 years), we've had moments where I wanted to call it quits. Getting a divorce would have been MUCH easier than dealing with our problems. But I stuck 'em out, and I'm glad that I did. But it opened my eyes to how easy it is to want a divorce, and why so many people take that option.

Anything else you would like to contribute - I have nothing against divorce. Under certain circumstances it's the best option for everyone involved. My problem is the lack of respect people have for marriage and commitment. My problem is with people that fall head-over-heels in love at first sight, marry before their ready (even though they think that they are), only to have their false images crash down around them. I lost one of my closest friends (lost his friendship, he didn't die) because he fell in love and proposed to a girl 7 years his junior after maybe 6 months. This guy had a track record of falling hard and fast, and refused to listen to other points of view. I haven't seen him in years, but last I heard he looked awful. His wife is controlling and cruel, and he is just her devoted, whipped dog. To me he was always the prime example of why people should use their head, not their heart to determine if they're ready for marriage.