Tourist Guides written by, and for, enemy states (churches, eternal)

[Djamila]

This is the most fun I've had all week.

Visit Serbia has produced a tourist guidebook that includes reviews of possible day-trips to cities surrounding Belgrade. They include Serbian cities such as Novi Sad, and Nis - but they also include Croatian cities Osijek and Zagreb, and Bosnian cities Mostar and Sarajevo.

The review for Sarajevo is absolutely hilarious. I want to find whichever sly, Serbian writer wrote this and give him or her a big hug - hahaha.

Sarajevo is a multicultural metropolis in the middle of the Bosnian mountains, that's right - it is located beyond the borders of Serbia in Bosnia and Hercegovina, but it is still possible to visit this city on a guided day-trip from Belgrade.

The most famous tourist attractions, in our opinion, are the two Serbian Orthodox Churches - though residents of Sarajevo probably do not agree. One of the churches, the New Orthodox Church, is located on Liberation Square, a square which also features a Roman Catholic Church and a Muslim mosque (we are required by Serbian law to write mosque with lowercase letters).

The Turkish market in Bascarsia (where you absolutely have to eat the typical Sarajevo meatballs cevapi and afterwards the sweet Turkish baklava) is also a tourist attraction. Bosnians, though, have forgotten that these treats are Turkish, so be sure to order Bosnian baklava and Bosnian coffee.

The Eternal Flame (a WWII monument) and the National Library are also worthy attractions. It is here that one will find plaques and other monuments thanking Serbs and Serbia for every mishap throughout the entire course of Bosnia and Herzegovina's history.

All of these attractions are situated around a crowded, pedestrian district that includes most of the Old Town area.

Sarajevo lies in a long, phallic valley between several mountains, on both sides of Miljacka and Bosnia rivers. This is why, outside of the main downtown core, Sarajevo despite its population remains a largely rural city. In one village in the suburbs, you may witness the “Tunnel Museum”. This tunnel was used to smuggle people and goods in and out of Sarajevo while it was under siege by Serbian troops. The museum lies outside of town, behind the airport, and is reachable by tram and bus, and is too expensive, but worth a visit.

You may save the money you spent at the Museum by staying in one of Europe’s best hotels with double rooms with your own bathroom under 12 dollars a night, just a few minutes minutes walk uphill from the town centre. I is part of the Bijelave student dormitory for the University of Sarajevo.

In the winter, the Jahorina Mountain next to Sarajevo attracts ski tourists, but as this mountain resort is in Serbian-held territory, it does not attract residents of the city perched below it.

Travelling to Sarajevo from Belgrade is a mess, quite simply, because bus companies think they have still to fight a war against Bosnia and Herzegovina instead of serving their customers. Several daily and night busses stop in irrelevant places like the village of Pale, and even then - instead of driving to the central bus station - they go around the entire city to arrive after about seven hours in the Serbian-populated village of Lukavica, nicknamed "Serbian Sarajevo". From here you can reach the city itself without difficulty.