When Does Tact Become Deception?? (experience, cross)

[johnnys4life]

I've been thinking about this and, it seems to me that the number 1 reason people lie is to influence somebody else. You usually do it because you want others to think good things about you, like you admire you (vote for you) etcetera.

I don't do that too much...I guess you can call it having a big mouth - or being set in my ways. I don't agree with most people. I never find anyone I agree with on EVERYTHING, and I think I never even pretend to.

I've noticed that a lot of people are chameleons...thier ideas and opinions seem to change depending on who thier talking to. Do you think that's a good thing? When does it go too far? When does it go beyond tact and people-pleasing, and become deception?

Aren't you decieving yourself and not being true to yourself? Is that a form of lying?

[johnnys4life]

I guess what I mean to say is, is it more important to be tactful, or to be totally honest? I must admit my way isn't winning me any popularity contests....but then again I'm not sure I'd want to if I wasn't being honest with myself...

[No*s]

You don't have to be dishonest to be tactful .

However, where one has to choose, can we draw lines? Things are much more organic than that.

[Lightkeeper]

I don't like to hurt people's feelings and avoid it at all costs. We have to make decisions about whether tact will save the person's feelings or will cause more harm because of withheld information. Sometimes I am just withholding my opinion that might hurt someone. For instance, if someone asks me what I think of their new clothing and I don't like them, it's just my opinion. Why hurt the person's feelings? I think tact goes too far if withholding would harm the person. Tact can also be tone of voice. I'm working harder on that.

[groovydancer88]

I'd say it depends on the situation. There are times when it's more beneficial to both parties to be honest, there are times when it's more beneficial to be tactful.

I have to agree with No's... if you're skillful and you think before you speak you can be both.

[Bastet]

I dunno, I think it depends on the situation. For the record though, if I ask "Does my bum look big in this?", then I want an honest answer. I'd be very cross if the person I'd asked had said "No, you look fine", and then I find out later I'd been walking around with an enormous arse because that person thought they were sparing my feelings, and I'd had an opportunity to get changed into something more flattering if I'd had an honest answer in the first place.

[Feathers in Hair]

I've noticed that a lot of people are chameleons...thier ideas and opinions seem to change depending on who thier talking to. Do you think that's a good thing? When does it go too far? When does it go beyond tact and people-pleasing, and become deception?

This happens often to people that are associated with fox spirits. They try so hard to fit in that they can lose themselves in the person that they become. My opinion is that tact does not necessitate deception. For example, I would never change my ideas or opinions based on to whom I am talking, but I also strive to not offend anyone and to please people. (Yes, I'm working on not worrying about either of the latter too much.) It only becomes deception when you misrepresent yourself or your opinion. For example, I could tell someone "Baron von Haha, you are the looniest fruitloop it has ever been my bad experience to make the aquaintence of," and be completely truthful in doing so. However, I'd prefer to say "Baron von Haha, I have never met anyone quite like you" and also be truthful in saying it. Unless the jist of my point was to alienate the person, I see no problem in using the other.