Bully Bosses

[Heneni]

I have contacted my union. Will lodge a grievance on monday. I figure that I have nothing to loose. I lost my job a long time ago anyway. Eleven other staff members in the last two and a half years have left as well.

[zenzero]

Friend Heneni,
It has been a concious decision not to join any company even after having qualifications of being a V.P. etc. though financially live at the bottom of the pryamid; but surely am a happy person as am not bound by any bosses commands.
However, it is not that those who work for others are doing anything wrong; no surely not. Yes, surely one has to be a survivor and to be that one has to be a step ahead of the bosses in trems of knowledge, intelligence, work output etc. or till such times bear the bosses burden willingly and wholeheatedly.
Just a small incident when was young was slightly chubby and others used to call me *FATSO*. I ignored them and slowly they left tauting me as it had no effect on me. Similarly one need not get bogged down by the bosses but show that their tortures has no effect on you psychologically till he gets sick himself.
That is the only way to win over oneself both externally and internally.
Love & rgds

[Heneni]

Thanks for sharing that.

Loving my enemy...

I believe that the reason im working at this place is to learn a valuable lesson. The lesson of how to treat my enemies. If what i believe she is doing is wrong then to support her would mean that I side with her methods. But there is something interesting about what jesus did. He let his enemies have their way with him. They wanted to get him killed and they did. He didnt shy away from giving them what they wanted even if it meant death. In the same way, if my boss feels happy, content, powerful, and gets a sense of peace by bullying, then that is what I must give her. In that way, i show her love. The best way to overcome my enemy is to give her what she wants. If she wants to get rid of me, i'm going to let her too. If I put up a fight and she succeeds it will make her even more happy and that would mean I showed her love, she will feel happy. I believe she wants me to fight back so she can feel better about herself. To bring to light what she does, to expose her, is not wrong, it will just mean that I will loose my job. I will do what god requires from me. First of all, I will give her what makes her happy, and second of all I will expose her. To expose her, could mean that she realises she hurts people, or it could mean that she finally gets done what she wants. To get rid of me. Either way I show her love. I show her love by not resisting her, and I give her love by trying to bring her to her senses.

So im going to lodge the grievance, i dont expect it to be successful, but it will make her feel great if she survives it. That is what she wants. She believes she is invisible, so im going to show her that she is. Or god will show her that she isnt.

On the other hand, it might get her to come to her senses. Even that would be love towards her. She is on a self-destructive path, and destroys people along the way.

In my mind, I have decided that whatever happens, god is the judge between the two of us. If I am not successful in getting her to come around, then she will feel great. If I am successful in getting her to come to her senses, then I have helped many people.

[zenzero]

Friend Heneni,
Somewhere in you lurks a REVENGE attitude which is personal and it is not proper to make this excuse

If I am successful in getting her to come to her senses, then I have helped many people.

Because the primary concern is your HURT feeling and REVENGE. Both are negative points.
Forget Jesus or me or others.
You are the situation, the problem and the solution. Whatever you do has to be such that you are personally not affected by the result be it good or bad. One must be prepared to accept the result wholeheatedly. If the situation is not such; can only suggest that you have to wait till you mature to that level.
Meantime start a dossier on her deeds signed by all affected individuals before filing your own personal greviances . Make a strong case such that even a blind adjudicator can feel who is wrong.
Best wishes.
Love & rgds

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by zenzero

Friend Heneni,
Somewhere in you lurks a REVENGE attitude which is personal and it is not proper to make this excuse

Because the primary concern is your HURT feeling and REVENGE. Both are negative points.
Forget Jesus or me or others.
You are the situation, the problem and the solution. Whatever you do has to be such that you are personally not affected by the result be it good or bad. One must be prepared to accept the result wholeheatedly. If the situation is not such; can only suggest that you have to wait till you mature to that level.
Meantime start a dossier on her deeds signed by all affected individuals before filing your own personal greviances . Make a strong case such that even a blind adjudicator can feel who is wrong.
Best wishes.
Love & rgds

Thanks for the advice. This has been going on for two and a half years, and i have on many occassions felt like taking revenge. I didnt. To tell you the truth, i have forgiven her for so many things I can hardly remember all that she did before. It has just come to a point, where I am fearful to go to work. I believe it is anybody's right to not have to fear going to work. I have lodged a grievance against her. I did not say anything that in my heart I dont believe to be the absolute truth.

Sure I feel hurt but i dont think im trying to take revenge. What I'm trying to do, is to get her to stop. A women that is beaten by her husband, wont be taking revenge by reporting him. I dont feel like im taking revenge on my boss, only that I am speaking out. She will no doubt consider it to be revenge, and I'm sure she will retaliate.

The problem really is, that I do respect her authority, which makes what she does worse. It isnt easy for me to lodge a complaint, because I dont want to hurt her either. As I said, I want her to stop hurting me and others. I dont think the complaint will hurt her, I think it will infuriate her.

Am I willing to reconcile if she would make an appology? Unfortunately, an appology will not change who she is. She is an abuser. When an abuser says that they are sorry, then its only to escape the consequences of what they do. But given enough time it will happen again. I'm not the only person that suffers under her 'rule'. Today she was upset because I didnt obey an ORDER she gave me. LOL. She has no idea that she is not a seargent major in the military. Someone has to get her to realise that.

Whatever happens, I am feeling much better now that I have spoken out already. I feel like I have a voice. Something she tries to make me believe I dont have.

Still, I am not innocent. No one is. No one is perfect. If she believes that I am suppose to respond to threats, then she too will feel threatened now. That in itself, will give her just a glimpse of what it feels like. If she will take that knowledge and stop her threatening behaviour, is another thing.

[Heneni]

A labour representative will be visiting my workplace on monday/tuesday to have a round table discussion with me and my boss. I dont look forward to it, but it needs to be done. What will be interesting though, is to see how she handles being on the OTHER side of an accusation.

[srbbnd]

Originally Posted by Heneni

Hi there! Do you have a bully for a boss? How do you cope? What can you do about it, and how can you prevent yourself from becoming his/her victim?

Heneni

My boss is not, but her boss is... So which sucks because with the waterfall effect she says she will do all these things that are not possible then they fall on me. Then the main boss gets ****** at me and I don't take much of his BS then warnings get issued to my boss due to me... It is one big un-happy family.

[zenzero]

Friend Heneni,
As suspected, you have come out with the truth. It is good that atleast this has given you an opportunity to unburden yourself. Yes, you have found your weapon of negating her powers by *Not obeying her* , but see that it is covered by the rules. Just play by the rules not by her commands. Without getting hurt or allowing her speech to affect you respond by working at a slower space and frustrating her attempts to BOSS over. At the same time be friendly towards her genuinely as that is what you want from her. Make it be known that you are ready to do anything for a friend and only that much as the rules for any boss. Change is the only thing permanent BUT it will come when you do things conciously which is when the mind [emotions] are not controlling you but a true understanding.
Hope the labour Reps visit goes well and also you understand what am trying to communicate.
Best wishes.
Love & rgds

[Heneni]

Just to give an update. After the labour representative came to my workplace and we sat around a table and talked about our problems, my boss now feels entirely INVINSIBLE! The labour representitive, a weak man, easily swayed one way or another, and having absolutely no clue as to what he was doing there either, was the perfect representative to set up this cosmic encounter!

My boss lied or twisted the truth so much , i felt sick. But none the less, she did. And she did it to protect herself. And she now feels like she has got away with it. Worse she really thinks she is right. She has now acquired that which will ultimately become my victory. She has pride. (An overdose of it) And usually THAT leads to a fall. The more invisible she feels the more reckless she will become.

By allowing her to step on me, lie about me, opress me, she has set up a situation, where she cant save herself. She cant lie to my god, she cant opress or step on him. God used me to fill up her cup. And...i think some time in the future, she must drink it. Hopefully then, she will come to her senses.

[zenzero]

Friend Heneni,
Thank you for sharing.
Though you speak about GOD you still show the hurt feelings and somewhere expecting some thing which God will do to Her [boss] that will bring out the truth etc.
As had suggested before; When at work; Remember 1. leave your ego behind. 2. Never worry about tomorrow like *IF* you lose your job etc. Remember that it is only the BRAVE that rules the world and such people are needed by every organisation. Work as per rule till your boss shows any signs of friendly attitude. Do not get angry, remain calm even in difficult situations as *YOU* the *EGO* do not exists.
Love & rgds