not the man I married (hell, attending, America, marriage)

[Mestemia]

Originally Posted by Nanda

I think that deserves a separate thread of its own.

Well, here it is, in its own little thread.

[Nanda]

I think a lot of it may be that women think they're going to get total fullfillment out of a man/marriage, and when that doesn't happen, instead of looking inward, they try to "fix" things. It may also be that in certain cases, a man behaves a certain way while he's courting a woman, but his behavior lapses soon after marriage, because he feels that he shouldn't have to try anymore. Or maybe it's both.

[Mestemia]

Originally Posted by Nanda

I think a lot of it may be that women think they're going to get total fullfillment out of a man/marriage, and when that doesn't happen, instead of looking inward, they try to "fix" things. It may also be that in certain cases, a man behaves a certain way while he's courting a woman, but his behavior lapses soon after marriage, because he feels that he shouldn't have to try anymore. Or maybe it's both.

I believe that you may well be right.
But not in all cases.
i know of several cases where the woman is not interested in 'Mr. Right'.
they are much more interested in 'Mr. Needs Help'.
They sem to think that they are going to 'fix' him.

My neice is a prime example.
She only want the guys that have problems, be it drugs, bad grades, drinking, all of the above and she spends her time trying to straighten them out, all the while complaining about having to spend all her time straightening them out.
Yet when she dates someone who does not have the problems, she dumps them for one with the problems.

I have started referring to this as the "Mother of the World Syndrome"

[PureX]

Originally Posted by Nanda

I think a lot of it may be that women think they're going to get total fullfillment out of a man/marriage, and when that doesn't happen, instead of looking inward, they try to "fix" things. It may also be that in certain cases, a man behaves a certain way while he's courting a woman, but his behavior lapses soon after marriage, because he feels that he shouldn't have to try anymore. Or maybe it's both.

I was going to reply with a similar idea on the other thread and decided not to, because I didn't want all the grief I assumed I was going to get.

Too many women have come to feel that it's the job of their men to make them happy. And the truth is that even if we men were so inclined, and we are ... sometimes .... but sometimes not, we haven't got a clue, how. And we know that YOU don't have a clue, either. And frankly, we learn fairly quickly that trying to make a woman happy is a losing proposition from the start. There isn't a chance in hell that we'll figure out how to make a woman happy when the woman doesn't even know how, herself. And it's just as clear that if we try, no matter what we do, it won't be right, or it won't be enough, or it won't last.

Screw that!

If you want to be happy, then you figure out how, and stop waiting for us to do it for you, then blaming us when we guess wrong.

I will add, here, that this does not apply to all women, or to women in all parts of the world. But it sure does apply to a lot of american women. And I think the reason is that our culture here in the U.S. raises girls up with this ever-present fantasy of "Mr. Perfect", who just by his very nature will magically fulfill all the dark empty corners of his pre-destined princess-bride. And it just ain't that way. It's a ridiculous fantasy and it causes a lot of outrageously unreasonable expectation.

[Nanda]

Originally Posted by PureX

If you want to be happy, then you figure out how, and stop waiting for us to do it for you, then blaming us when we guess wrong.

This is fair enough; but then men shouldn't be surprised if they don't like the end result of the woman's search.

[MdmSzdWhtGuy]

Mestemia,

It is because they want one guy to be everything in the world that they need, and many of those needs are mutually exclusive. For example, and this is grossly simple here, but just extrapolate this to every possible thought and emotion, and bang, you have a relationship. But I digress, here goes:

1. Women like dangerous, capable fighters - Because from caveman times on down, women know, instinctively, now, that a dangerous, capable fighter, tough guy type of man, will be willing, and more importantly, able to go out and get food, fight off the bad guys, etc. . .

BUT:

2. They also need a guy who comes home every single night and will be sexually faithful only to her, thus ensuring she will have a mate for years to come to help raise the little brats that sexy tough guy knocked her up with.

OK, get it? The dangerous alpha male described in paragraph numbered 1. above is needed by the female, but alas, she also genuinely needs the guy described in paragraph 2. and the reality is that she needs him just as bad, but at a different time in her life.

That, in a very oversimplified way, I think, illustrates why women are not happy with you for the long haul. Add to that, the fact that she has her own emotional stuff going on totally independant of you, and you start peeling off the layers that is a marriage, methinks. Then, of course, you have to multiply this one tiny example above tims every single situation that ever occurs, take that huge number, and multiply it by every emotion that a person can have, multiply that even bigger number by the number of emotions the other person in the relationship has, take that ridiculously huge number and multiply it times every memory that each of these people have, divide that obscenely huge number by all the love, patience, understanding and kindness that each of you can muster, and then maybe, just maybe, you have a recipe for a successful long term relationship.

I say maybe, cause I have only been in a good relationship for about 5 years, going on 75, I hope.

B.

[PureX]

Originally Posted by Nanda

This is fair enough; but then men shouldn't be surprised if they don't like the end result of the woman's search.

This all should have been done BEFORE they got married. But in america, we teach women that it's the marriage that will bring her happiness. And then when she discovers that it doesn't, it's too late. To seek out her own happiness, then, is to actively threaten the marriage. So she's stuck. I think this happens to men, too, but not as often or to the same degree.

I didn't mean to blame women, specifically, I think our culture "tricks" them into unhappy marriages.

[Storm]

Originally Posted by MdmSzdWhtGuy

It is because they want one guy to be everything in the world that they need, and many of those needs are mutually exclusive.

To be fair, men do this, too.

[PureX]

Originally Posted by Storm

To be fair, men do this, too.

Yes, we want the virgin-whore. *smile*