Another topic on fault (church, abortion, sunday)

[GeneCosta]

Three girls I've known since middle school have fallen pregnant over the past year. All of them are still minors and all them were abused by their fathers when they were little. I know plenty of people who engage in intercourse, but these three are the only ones I know on a personal level that are expecting mothers. I suspect they were less cautious with their protection. One of them for a fact I know was deliberate.

Two of these three girls are excited about the prospect of a child, even though they're relatively poor. The third is absolutely devastated. She's also the only one whose parents make a decent income. I was talking to her on the phone yesterday and she cried over the line, talking about how she doesn't want to give away the man's name since he's 23. She also is unsure what to do with the child. Apparently friends from her church got wind of the news and ignored her last Sunday. When she confronted them they said it was her fault and that she should have 'known better.'

Now, I may be drawing too radical of a conclusion here, but the fact these girls were all abused seems too big of a coincidence. I wonder if anyone has had circumstances like this?

[Storm]

Originally Posted by GeneCosta

I wonder if anyone has had circumstances like this?

Yes, I have.

[Zephyr]

Being abused when you're little is no excuse. The abuse is beyond terrible, but if you go out and get pregnant afterwards it's still your fault. Unless it was rape that impregnated you.

[Seyorni]

If you're ignorant of biology and have had no comprehensive reproductive education at school perhaps it's not entirely your fault.

The religious right is responsible for more unwed pregnancies, not to mention abortions, than any other political or religious institution I can think of.

[UltraViolet]

Originally Posted by Seyorni

If you're ignorant of biology and have had no comprehensive reproductive education at school perhaps it's not entirely your fault.

The religious right is responsible for more unwed pregnancies, not to mention abortions, than any other political or religious institution I can think of.

Apparently friends from her church got wind of the news and ignored her last Sunday. When she confronted them they said it was her fault and that she should have 'known better.'

Not to mention cruelty,
judgmentalism,
and lack of love
(which in this case would constitute hypocracy)

ahhhh... calous "blame" in the place of love.
(really makes you want to go to church don't it.)

[standing_alone]

Originally Posted by Zephyr

Being abused when you're little is no excuse. The abuse is beyond terrible, but if you go out and get pregnant afterwards it's still your fault. Unless it was rape that impregnated you.

It takes two people to make a baby, so I hope you recognize that it's just as much the male partner's "fault." That you completely disregard the male role in this disgusts me. That you phrase it "go out and get pregnant" and "unless it was rape that impregnated you," you remove, subtly, the contributing actor. Whether intended or not, it's alarming none-the-less.


As to the OP, I have heard of plenty of instances where a girl that got pregnant came from a home where she had an abusive father. Made me wonder if these girls get themselves into this situation because they sought "favorable" attention from males, and since most males will treat favorably for-the-time-being that which will fulfill their immediate sexual urges, they mistook sexual intercourse for a sort of the "favorable" attention they so sought (when, in sad actuality, they are merely being used; a different, but similar mistreatment as the abuse from their fathers)...

[Zephyr]

Don't get me wrong, it's the guy's fault too. Sorry if it didn't come out so clear. The OP mentioned the girl getting talked down at church. And I agree with her friends that it was her fault, but also her partner's. The ignoring is kind of childish though.

[ChristineES]

These girls (and the boys) made a mistake by getting pregnant at an age when they would not be able to care for a child financially and maybe even emotionally. But does that make them bad people? NO! Abuse may have been the reason, but who truly knows.

Putting all this fault on them is counter-productive and instead someone should help these girls and boys cope and maybe get help so something like this doesn't happen again.
I feel particularly bad for the ones who are happy about having babies. Babies are very sweet and lovable but they are also tremendously hard work and take a lot of money to raise. Once they have their babies, reality will hit them in the face.

The people ignoring the one girl at Church did totally the Unchristian thing to do! "He who is without sin may cast the first stone" and other biblical verses would prove that.
I never went through this (thank The Lord) but I have known people (a lot of them) who have. Very seldom does it have a happy ending.