The Family Bed (sunday, service)

[Nanda]

Until I had reached college, and taken a topics class called "The Child," I had never heard of "The Family Bed," or the practice of a parent allowing their infant/child to share a bed with them. Much like breastfeeding, this is something we'd done in my family for years, so it was surprising to me that this practice even needed a name, but more surprising was certain people's aversion to the idea. What is wrong with the family bed? For thousands of years, infants slept in their parents arms - it's only in more recent times that we've abandoned the practice. There's a lot I could say on this subject up front, but in the interest of debate, I'll hold off until others weigh in.

[JMoum04]

People are scared of what does and doesn't look appropriate to the outside world these days. The bed, much like the female breast, has taken on a secondary sexual role in the past few centuries.

For example, I was spending the night over at my friends house the other night and his room was an utter mess. Since there was no room on the floor, we both slept in his bed. The next morning, when he woke up, his mother grilled him with questions thinking he was gay, all because we shared the same bed for practical reasons.

[Booko]

One of my closest friends practiced the "family bed" and was also an "extended nurser" and her two children, now teenagers, are very well-adjusted kids.

"Family bed" used to be the regular practice in humanity (have you ever looked at the size of those 'houses' in ancient digs?) so I don't see what all the ruckus is about.

It's we who have the unusual and untested ideas about child rearing in these areas.

Frankly, I wonder if our aversion to "family bed" isn't rooted somewhere in our weirder obsessions with sex.

It isn't sleeping that gets the "ewww" factor -- it's the idea that the kids might be around if the parents are getting a little nookie, or that someone might touch a body part somewhere. (gasp )

Have you ever noticed that no one seems to get their panties in a wad over the idea that a family might be sharing a 4-man tent while camping?

Things that make you go hmmm....

[GeneCosta]

"Family bed" used to be the regular practice in humanity (have you ever looked at the size of those 'houses' in ancient digs?) so I don't see what all the ruckus is about.

Along with family bath. Peasants couldn't afford the time and effort to make a warm bath, so they either took turns with the same water or cleansed themselves all at once.

Eh, just more taboos. I could care less.

[Terrywoodenpic]

The only possible reason for objecting to a family bed is that babies have sometimes been suffocated or crushed.
It is no longer recommended to have babies in bed with you while you sleep.
This is official health service advice.
There are no other objections to the practice.

[Nanda]

Originally Posted by Terrywoodenpic

The only possible reason for objecting to a family bed is that babies have sometimes been suffocated or crushed.
It is no longer recommended to have babies in bed with you while you sleep.
This is official health service advice.
There are no other objections to the practice.

More babies die from SIDS each year alone in their cribs down the hall than have been suffocated or crushed in a family bed. And in the cases of suffocation, the parent was usually impaired in some way - drugs or alchohol - or the bed was not set up properly for co-sleeping - pillows around the baby, etc.

[Booko]

Originally Posted by GeneCosta

Along with family bath. Peasants couldn't afford the time and effort to make a warm bath, so they either took turns with the same water or cleansed themselves all at once.

Heck, Gene, it wasn't even that long ago. Saturday was Bath Night. You had to be clean for Sunday morning, you know.

When I was very young, no one in my family bathed more often than once a week, though obviously you'd wash up with a basin and cloth daily.

We took turns, with the dirtiest person going last.

My Mom still can't deal with the fact that we all shower daily when we're at her house. She always makes a complaint about the water bill, and when I hand her a C-note for the added expense, then she acts like I'm the one that lost her mind.

Anyway, to get vaguely back on the subject -- anyone here had parents that slept in separate beds? It used to be on TV that you couldn't show a married couple in bed together, no matter how many clothes they were wearing.

In our families, separate beds would be a sign a married couple was having trouble, and all the in laws would get together to help (or force) them to solve their problems.

My in laws had 2 separate twin beds in the same room, but that's only because my father-in-law would come to bed about 2am and my mother-in-law was a light sleeper and didn't wish to be woken.

Me -- I just got a Tempurpedic. Problem solved.

[Draka]

Originally Posted by jmoum

People are scared of what does and doesn't look appropriate to the outside world these days. The bed, much like the female breast, has taken on a secondary sexual role in the past few centuries.

For example, I was spending the night over at my friends house the other night and his room was an utter mess. Since there was no room on the floor, we both slept in his bed. The next morning, when he woke up, his mother grilled him with questions thinking he was gay, all because we shared the same bed for practical reasons.

I think you're right on the money here. So many people are afraid of what others may think, even when there is no way others would even see to comment or have an opinion anyway.

Oh, and I get the practicality thing with the bed. Now, granted, I'm an adult and I was when this happened, but I still don't think my mother would have flipped (my mother is just different, what can I say). I friend of mine stayed with me for a while, in a house where there were already several people living, and the only place for her to stay was my bedroom. The floor was hard and cold and so she stayed in my bed with me, and she IS gay. We just slept, nothing happened, and I don't think anyone thought anything happened anyway. Not everything has to do with sex, though a lot of people are obsessed with it enough to believe so.