Men - Would you take your wife's last name instead? (tradition, atheist)

[Nanda]

Before I was married, my partner used to insist upon the fact that when we got married, he wanted me to change my last name to his. While an atheist, he was raised in a very traditional Portuguese, Roman Catholic family, and that's "just how things were done." I, on the other hand, was raised an atheist, in a very non-traditional family, where my mother was the head of the household, and while she had changed her name to my fathers, many of her sisters had chosen not to when they married. I was insistant on keeping my last name when we married. My partner and I bickered back and forth about this for years, but ultimately, I won out, and I think mainly because I posed this question: "Why don't you change your name to mine when we marry?" He didn't want to. "Why not?" I asked, "Then we'll have the same last name, just like you want. There will be no question that we're married, no confusion over whose last name to give the children." After much discussion, he really couldn't come up with a good reason not to change his name to mine other than the fact that he just didn't want to, and if that reason was good enough for him to keep his name, it was good enough for me to keep mine.

So, now I pose the question to the men of RF: Would you change your last name to your wife's if she asked you to? And if not, what are your reasons? Would you expect her to change her last name to yours? Why, or why not?

[Wandered Off]

Before we got married, I was very clear that it was my wife's sole decision about whether to change her name upon marriage, and I would be completely at peace with whatever she decided. I didn't want to change mine, and I didn't think it fair that she should have to change hers if she didn't want to either.

If it had been really important to her that I change my name, I would have suggested that we hyphenate as a compromise, even though that has its own logistical problems.

[Terrywoodenpic]

Over the years this has caused problems in many families
It is often settled by turning it into a double barrelled name.

I think we tend to cling to our family history if we know it.
It would also be strange to be a head of a large family of many branches and not have the family name.

I like the old Spanish system where the children use both their parents family names and when married use their fathers and their husbands , it makes cousin relationships much clearer.
A wife uses her name first then her husbands
A daughter uses her fathers first then her mothers.
when she marries she drops the mothers name and adds her husbands.

[angellous_evangellous]

I care more about being with my wife than what our name is. I'd rather our names were hyphed so that our friends could both locate us easily.

[michel]

It is part of the Culture in the U.K that the wife takes on the husband's surname......... I have never heard of anyone who has even thought to question that, but I guess I can understand your point. The only time I have seen a wife retain her maiden name has been when she was a professional person before marriage, and didn't want to lose the name.

As far as the married name is concerned, I don't think that the married name has anything to do with the Religious aspect of a marriage; on the European Continent, a wife legally is called by her husban'ds surname ( hyphen ) her Maiden name.

i.e my mother was (legally) Mrs Hiernaux-Copping.

[Darkness]

I would have no problem changing my name as long as it was a good last name I was changing it to.

[The Seeker]

I wouldn't change my last name and I wouldn't care if my wife decided to keep her maiden name. I would want my children to have my name though.

[Nanda]

Originally Posted by The Seeker

I would want my children to have my name though.

Please explain why that is. (This is what my husband and I did, too, mainly as a compromise for him, and because I didn't really care. But if I had cared, it might have lead to another 8 years of bickering, because I don't think his wants would be any more important than mine in this regard.)

[CaptainXeroid]

I've heard of people taking each other's last names and hyphenating when they get married, but I can't say I'm a real fan of it.

My wife took my last name, and as I am an old traditionalist, were I faced with marrying again, I would insist that a future wife take my name as well. I think it's important for family cohesiveness that a married couple shares a common last name and a religious faith(yes, I know that's a different thread).

So, the answer to the thread title question, for me, is an unequivocal NO.