The Importance of Actions (minority, Christ)

[Quoth The Raven]

I was talking to someone the other day, and I happened to bring up that he sometimes gives the impression that he'd rather not be having a conversation. He said one of his other female friends gets the same impression at times, and he couldn't understand why, because as far as he's concerned if he doesn't want to be around someone at a given time he'll just say so. This should apparently be straightforward. Obviously the way he's behaving gives makes more of an impact than the fact he's not opened his mouth.
Which leads me to this: how important are a persons actions in interpreting their true intent? Do the words matter more than what they actually do, or does a person not backing their words up with actions that are in line with what they're saying make their spoken intent less trustworthy or believable? Can what a person says be rendered completely invalid by the way they then behave?
Do men and women place different importance on actions? Are actions more likely to have a greater impression on a woman? Are men more likely to take words at face value and ignore actions that don't gel with what's been said as irrelevent?

[ChristineES]

He may be acting differently than he feels or he may be trying not hurt others feelings. People go with what they see and if someone seems to act a certain way, people may get the wrong impression.
Your friend may be unaware of his own actions, he may not even know his body language makes him appear uninterested in a conversation. I don't know because I have never seen him. Maybe you can bring what makes you think he does not want to have conversation to his attention, as he may not even be aware of it.
I think actions are very important. If you are interested in what others are saying, then you should give them your attention. If you play with your hair, look around a lot, or whatever, the person you are speaking to may think you don't want to talk even if you do.

[Ozzie]

Originally Posted by Quoth The Raven

I was talking to someone the other day, and I happened to bring up that he sometimes gives the impression that he'd rather not be having a conversation. He said one of his other female friends gets the same impression at times, and he couldn't understand why, because as far as he's concerned if he doesn't want to be around someone at a given time he'll just say so. This should apparently be straightforward. Obviously the way he's behaving gives makes more of an impact than the fact he's not opened his mouth.
Which leads me to this: how important are a persons actions in interpreting their true intent? Do the words matter more than what they actually do, or does a person not backing their words up with actions that are in line with what they're saying make their spoken intent less trustworthy or believable? Can what a person says be rendered completely invalid by the way they then behave?
Do men and women place different importance on actions? Are actions more likely to have a greater impression on a woman? Are men more likely to take words at face value and ignore actions that don't gel with what's been said as irrelevent?

Non-verbal communication is said to convey more information than the spoken message. So yes action is important. Where it conflicts with the spoken message, yes it may render it invalide. I think there may be differences between men and women (on average). But this would be a vast topic.

[Quoth The Raven]

Originally Posted by ChristineES

He may be acting differently than he feels or he may be trying not hurt others feelings. People go with what they see and if someone seems to act a certain way, people may get the wrong impression.
Your friend may be unaware of his own actions, he may not even know his body language makes him appear uninterested in a conversation. I don't know because I have never seen him. Maybe you can bring what makes you think he does not want to have conversation to his attention, as he may not even be aware of it.
I think actions are very important. If you are interested in what others are saying, then you should give them your attention. If you play with your hair, look around a lot, or whatever, the person you are speaking to may think you don't want to talk even if you do.

What interested me about the whole thing was that he's of the opinion that because he will say if he's actually disinterested - and believe me he will, he can be blunt to the point of rudeness - what he does shouldn't make the impact on others it apparently does.
But I wasn't just speaking of actions in this particular context. In general, if a person tells you something and then appears to act in a manner contrary to what they've said, would you see that as invalidating what they're telling you, or are words more importants than how people behave?

[Quoth The Raven]

Originally Posted by Ozzie

Non-verbal communication is said to convey more information than the spoken message. So yes action is important. Where it conflicts with the spoken message, yes it may render it invalide. I think there may be differences between men and women (on average). But this would be a vast topic.

I wondered especially Oz, in terms of the difference between men and women. I've noticed a tendency in a lot of women - sorry if this peeves anyone, it's purely an observation - to say something that may be more 'acceptable' (as in,'Of course it's ok if you go out with your mates on Friday night') and then behave in such a manner that it's clearly not ok. I've had male friends sit there and swear black and blue that their girlfriend isn't annoyed about what it's quite obvious to me she is annoyed about, because she said it was ok.
I wondered whether perhaps women place more importance on actions because we maybe have more of a tendency to convey the facts about how we're actually feeling through behaviour rather than just straight out saying things.

[Radio Frequency X]

I don't listen to what a person says. I make my judgments based on what they do and, to a much lesser extent, why they say they do what they do. I'm with House - "everybody lies". Also, from the first episode, "It's not what people say, it's what people do" in reference to the question, "Does he care about you?".

Words are shaped and fashioned to give impressions. Some people choose their words carefully and others choose them recklessly. But most people choose their words deliberately.

Actions matter. Someone has to be committed to an action before they can act. Actions tell us the truth. Actions, when taken over a period of time, tell the story of people's true intentions.

[FatMan]

Originally Posted by Radio Frequency X

I don't listen to what a person says. I make my judgments based on what they do and, to a much lesser extent, why they say they do what they do. I'm with House - "everybody lies". Also, from the first episode, "It's not what people say, it's what people do" in reference to the question, "Does he care about you?".

Words are shaped and fashioned to give impressions. Some people choose their words carefully and others choose them recklessly. But most people choose their words deliberately.

Actions matter. Someone has to be committed to an action before they can act. Actions tell us the truth. Actions, when taken over a period of time, tell the story of people's true intentions.

Unfortunately, people like you (and myself as I agree with you) are in the minority. Too many people are in love with words and appearances. That is why a cheesy salesman in a bow tie and British accent is used to hawk items on a shopping channel. It is why people fall in love with Presidential and other political candidates. It is also how thousands of evangelical ministers have built up their followings.

In my opinion, so many people are looking to others to guide them and provide "quick fixes", that they'll scoop up whatever is told to them and eat it. Actions always prove a man's worth, yet so often they are excused away and more weight and responsibilty is given to words.

Just take for instance two murderers. One who appears to be genuinely sorry and one who doesn't. Who gets the harsher sentence? Why? Genuine-sounding words can be faked, but that rarely matters.

[James the Persian]

Originally Posted by Quoth The Raven

I wondered especially Oz, in terms of the difference between men and women. I've noticed a tendency in a lot of women - sorry if this peeves anyone, it's purely an observation - to say something that may be more 'acceptable' (as in,'Of course it's ok if you go out with your mates on Friday night') and then behave in such a manner