Abused Men (tradition, elder, divorce)

[Buttercup]

Today Jason Kidd, an noted NBA player with the New Jersey Nets, filed for divorce from his wife claiming, "extreme cruelty".......

"In the dissolution papers, filed in state Superior Court in Bergen County, Kidd accuses Joumana Kidd of physically and mentally abusing him, threatening to make false domestic violence complaints against him to police, and of interfering with his relationship with his children. The defendant's extreme and unwarranted jealousy and rage has left the plaintiff concerned about her emotional stability," the papers say.

The divorce filing came less than a day after the 33-year-old NBA player filed a domestic violence complaint seeking a temporary restraining order against his wife.
"Jason Kidd filed for divorce from his wife today on the grounds of extreme cruelty over a long period of time," Kidd's attorney, Madeline Marzano-Lesnevich, said in a statement Tuesday." from the Washington Post

Today, one day after Jason filed divorce papers claiming spousal abuse, his wife's attorney said this: "He says he's threatened by her? He's a star athlete. She's 5-foot-2, I think, and 105 pounds," said celebrity New York divorce lawyer Raoul Felder, one of the attorneys representing Joumana Kidd.

"It's shameful what he did here. The truth will come out," said Felder on Wednesday, adding his client planned to file a counter compliant within a week.


According to Murray Strauss, a family violence researcher,....

Men are less likely to call the police, even when there is injury, because, like women, they feel shame about disclosing family violence. But for many men, the shame is compounded by the shame of not being able to keep their wives under control. Among this group, a "real man" would be able to keep her under control. Moreover, the police tend to share these same traditional gender role expectations. This adds to the legal and regulatory presumption that the offender is a man. As a result, the police are reluctant to arrest women for domestic assault. Women know this. That is, they know they are likely to be able to get away with it. As in the case of other crimes, the probability of a woman assaulting her partner is strongly influenced by what she thinks she can get away with.


Do you think the court system generally believes a woman more than a man in a domestic violence case?

Do you think the defense that because a woman is smaller she's not capable of hurting a man is valid?

Do you know anyone personally who was abused by a woman verbally or physically who was taken seriously by the police or court system?

[Booko]

Originally Posted by Buttercup

Do you think the court system generally believes a woman more than a man in a domestic violence case?

Yes.

Do you think the defense that because a woman is smaller she's not capable of hurting a man is valid?

Considering how many men bigger than me that I've beaten the snot out of, I don't see how that can be true.

Never understimate the use of speed, agility and doing the unexpected.

Do you know anyone personally who was abused by a woman verbally or physically who was taken seriously by the police or court system?

I don't know any man who ever admitted he was abused physically by a woman, but I sure know of some seriously verbally abused men, and that should be taken as seriously as when men verbally abuse women.

And I would be surprised if a man showed up in court claiming his wife or significant other was verbally or psychologically abusing him, and he was taken seriously.

Yeah, we have to work on that.

[lizskid]

Sure, the courts generally expect the woman to be the victim, due to perceived (and perhaps true) lesser strength, etc. Do women abuse male partners? Uh-huh, more often than one would think....it would take a lot for a man to press charges, because, to him, it would be admiting weaknesses of all sorts. I have never known one personally, but I know OF two or three, and it was an absolute shame....abuse is inexcusable, whoever the victim.

[Buttercup]

Originally Posted by Booko

I don't know any man who ever admitted he was abused physically by a woman, but I sure know of some seriously verbally abused men, and that should be taken as seriously as when men verbally abuse women.

And I would be surprised if a man showed up in court claiming his wife or significant other was verbally or psychologically abusing him, and he was taken seriously.

Yeah, we have to work on that.

Do you think it likely that a man who is being severely verbally abused is going to be physically slapped or hit as well at some point?

[Mike182]

the courts are not exactly geared towards helping anyone who has suffered abuse anyway, but i think it is harder for a man to report domestic abuse.

[Buttercup]

Originally Posted by lizskid

Sure, the courts generally expect the woman to be the victim, due to perceived (and perhaps true) lesser strength, etc. Do women abuse male partners? Uh-huh, more often than one would think....it would take a lot for a man to press charges, because, to him, it would be admiting weaknesses of all sorts. I have never known one personally, but I know OF two or three, and it was an absolute shame....abuse is inexcusable, whoever the victim.

Do you think because men are larger they might be more likely to stay in an abusive situation longer than women? Or if the abusive is verbal only they don't classify it as abuse as readily?

Do you think women are the same way? If the abuse is verbal only they stick around longer?

[lizskid]

Yes, I have seen that pattern again and again. People don't equate verbal abuse with abuse....there are no physical signs. I think people live with it because they think they have done something to deserve it, or "at least I am not being hit." You don't need a broken bone to have a broken spirit.

[Buttercup]

Originally Posted by lizskid

Yes, I have seen that pattern again and again. People don't equate verbal abuse with abuse....there are no physical signs. I think people live with it because they think they have done something to deserve it, or "at least I am not being hit." You don't need a broken bone to have a broken spirit.

I don't want this thread to turn into a "women have it worse than men" type scenario. It's quite evident that women suffer substantially more domestic abuse than men....at least that we know of.

Still, I think men deserve to have this issue brought out more often. It must be so deflating to suffer from frequent verbal abuse from your wife but yet feel that you have no where to turn. Men tend to hide these sorts of issues from their friends and families for fear of appearing weak. What it must do to their spirit over time is simply sad beyond belief.