May I have some opinions please? (ritual, pray, God)

[michel]

The members who were here a couple of years ago might remember a thread in which I asked for this same advice.

To cut a long story short; when either my wife or I take our dog for a walk in the morning, like as not, we are most likely to see a guy go and park his car on the road.

He seems a decent chap (if you say good morning to him, he'll answer back, but he will never prompt the talking himself).

The problem is that he very obviously suffers from OCD. He gets out of his car, walks 360 degrees around it, locks all the doors, reopens one and then closes it and re-locks it.....this goes on for a few minutes.

When I asked about this last time, I asked for people's opinions on what I could do. I was hoping that people would agree to my plan of actually stopping him one morning, explaining what I have seen, and ask him if he'd like some help.

At the time, the members suggested that I try to get to know him better before going anywhere near talking to him about his obvious problem. I have tried, but he is extremely 'insular'. I did manage to get the fact out of him that he works in a language scholl (teaching English to foreigners) in town; he leaves his car some way away to save parking fees.

Apart from that, I haven't had much luck; and I have tried to engage him in conversation, but get nowhere fast. He always seems in a hurry to get away.

The reason I have brought this up again is that he seems to be getting very much worse.

His 'ritual' with the car means walking around it about 5 times, checking the doors compulsively......etc. The trouble is that he now manages to get (say) 20 yards away from the car, and he now goes back, to re-do the whole ritual. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, just recently, and he even crossed the road to be able to see his car again (which was hidden from view because of a bend in the road).

My wife happened to mention him again today (and was commenting on the fact that he seems far worse).

I realize that to confront him might well make him feel very awkward (and I am not sure that I have the right); what I did suggest to my wife, though, was that I could leave an envelope under his windscreen wipers, for him to find when he picks his car up, when he fineshes work. She said that I couldn't do that - it was none of my business.

I can't get this one out of my system; what I planned to do, was to leave a letter for him to see, explaining that I (who he doesn't know) have noticed that he has a 'problem' leaving his car - that he is obviously very anxious. That, if he would accept some help, to contact me (just a telephone number).

What do you all think ? Would I still be invasive, or would the above way of 'breaking the ice' be 'O.K' ?........I really need a help with this one (from different perspectives than mine).

To help, I'll put a poll with this.

[ayani]

michel- it's very kind of you to want to help. i think i'd certainly stop and talk to him if i ran into this fellow.

i don't see how it could hurt stopping him. what would you say, though? would you recommend him to a help group, a website, a specialist something like that?

[Djamila]

He's probably just paranoid that his car is going to be stolen. That's the problem with the West - too much material wealth. If someone wants my car, for the love of God take it. I'll even fill up the tank for you, before you're off.

I should simply give him my car, and that will solve the problem. I must warn him, though, that although I call it a "new" car, it's actually a conglomerate of several older cars. You need a different key to open each of the side doors and a third to start it. It smells really bad if the tank is less than half full, and it only has one windshield wiper.

That's the beauty of living in a poor country, really. No one worries about their cars. You don't need to look far in Sarajevo to find proof of that:



All jokes aside, I'd say try to find one his family members and tell them - but I wouldn't approach him directly. You could make him worse, if he knows that people notice these funny quirks.

[michel]

Originally Posted by gracie

michel- it's very kind of you to want to help. i think i'd certainly stop and talk to him if i ran into this fellow.

i don't see how it could hurt stopping him. what would you say, though? would you recommend him to a help group, a website, a specialist something like that?

I would offer to help him myself. As an OCD sufferer, I know all the techniques; when I am low, I cannot always control my OCD, but when I am feeling a bit better, I can. With OCD sufferers, there are only 2 things to do:-

1. Find out what the 'trigger' is, ie has he had a car stolen or vandalised in the past ?
2. Give him some de-sensatization and 'coping' techniques; that is easy.

If I did become aware that this is part of something much more 'invasive' than just the symptoms as presented, I would encourage him to go and seek professional help.

What makes me think that he may bot be 'that bad' is that he is obviously holding down a job; simply from that, I would guess (and I am aware I may very well be wrong)
that this is just a single 'hang-up'.

Originally Posted by Djamila

All jokes aside, I'd say try to find one his family members and tell them - but I wouldn't approach him directly. You could make him worse, if he knows that people notice these funny quirks.

I can't do that, I don't know his name, neither where he lives. I take your point about perhaps making him paranoid - I figured I could cover that by signing the letter "A well wisher" and comfirm that if he doesn't get in touch with me, I won't bother him again.

[ayani]

michel- i'm thinking of number two as more appropriate. if you're not comfortable with stopping him, a kind letter in his windscreen might be a good idea.

you're a kind soul, michel. best of luck with this fellow.

[Ciscokid]

People with OCD are aware that they have a disorder don't they? I don't really know I've never knew anybody that had that but I didn't think they were unaware that they were troubled by that condition.

I feel bad for the guy, it must suck.

[!Fluffy!]

michel: A few free-association thoughts. First, he probably knows by now he has a problem; perhaps he knows very well he has OCD and has chosen to do nothing about it, or is off his medications. You are not telling him anything he doesn't know already.

What he may not realize is how bad, how much more noticeable it is getting. A word from a stranger may be the motivation needed to get the help he needs or get back on his medication.

Would you wish to be direct? Be nearby when he arrives, walk up and place your hand on the car and say "It's getting worse, mate. You need to get some help. Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you and I'm here in case you need to talk."

Then put a card under the wiper (with an OCD support website and if you wish, your name and email or phone no.) and if he says nothing smile your warmest smile and wish him well before walking away.

Again, you are not the only one who has noticed his repetitive behaviors. Others in his life have pointed it out to him. He is at his worst when he is anxious. He is likely most anxious before 'performing', i.e. getting in front of the class. Either he is most relieved and anxious to get away when his workday is done, or he has another job to go to after work thus the hurry.

If you would rather take your time instead of the direct route you might approach him with a gift and an offer to have tea. Something simple like a piece of candy or chocolate chip cookie (wrapped and in a bag in case he has obsessive fears of germs etc.) might help him accept your gestures of friendship, if that is your goal.


It's hard to judge from here not knowing all the circumstances, not seeing the body language and facial expressions etc. I prayed for discernment for you michel; I know you'll do the right thing.

[Booko]

Originally Posted by Ciscokid

People with OCD are aware that they have a disorder don't they? I don't really know I've never knew anybody that had that but I didn't think they were unaware that they were troubled by that condition.

There are plenty of people who have OCD and haven't quite figured that out yet.

Like the woman who, every day, took all the sheets off the bed, washed them 3 times (bleach and everything), ironed them, and put them back on. This process took her hours of housework every day. And no, she had no idea she had OCD for the years I knew of her. I have no idea if she ever did figure it out. Her husband just thought she was a bit batty, "as women can be, you know -- they like things neat."

Also, when someone has disorders like OCD or depression or things of that sort, it isn't obvious to the person that they're getting worse. Even if he knows he has OCD, it might be a useful bit of info, if given kindly.