Stay at home or work? (choice, hell, America, experience)

[Victor]

Feb. 23, 2006— Stay at home with the kids or go to work? It's a question every mom struggles with, and a question at the heart of a fierce debate.

"I think it's a mistake for these highly educated and capable women to make that choice [to stay home]," said law professor and working mom Linda Hirshman. "I am saying an educated, competent adult's place is in the office."

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFa...1653069&page=1

I've always been open to supporting whatever my wife chose to do in this regard. And recently we have been seriously thinking of having my wife or me stay home. But this article really turns us off.

Is staying at home to raise your kids as bad as she paints it?

~Victor

[nutshell]

Originally Posted by Victor

Feb. 23, 2006— Stay at home with the kids or go to work? It's a question every mom struggles with, and a question at the heart of a fierce debate.

"I think it's a mistake for these highly educated and capable women to make that choice [to stay home]," said law professor and working mom Linda Hirshman. "I am saying an educated, competent adult's place is in the office."

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AmericanFa...1653069&page=1

I've always been open to supporting whatever my wife chose to do in this regard. And recently we have been seriously thinking of having my wife or me stay home. But this article really turns us off.

Is staying at home to raise your kids as bad as she paints it?

~Victor

Bad for who? If it means bad for the stay-at-home parent because it's a lot of work and kids are a handful and because it is a thankless job that brings no immediate satisfaction then I say tough. One of the parents should be home with kids. It's for their benefit, not ours.

I find the law professor's quote insulting. It suggests stay-at-home moms are uneducated. NEWS FLASH: Over 70% of LDS moms (who typcially stay at home) have a college degree.

When we have kids our desires come second and the kids come first. It is extremely difficult. I struggle with it every day. But I think this is the cycle God intended and when they're 18 I'll kick them out and get back to "me" time.

[Green Gaia]

I think parents should do what they feel is best for them and their kids, and no one else can tell them what that is.

[Victor]

Originally Posted by nutshell

Bad for who? If it means bad for the stay-at-home parent because it's a lot of work and kids are a handful and because it is a thankless job that brings no immediate satisfaction then I say tough. One of the parents should be home with kids. It's for their benefit, not ours.

But what about the career of the women or man? Isn't that important?
(Playing devils advocate)

Originally Posted by nutshell

I find the law professor's quote insulting. It suggests stay-at-home moms are uneducated. NEWS FLASH: Over 70% of LDS moms (who typcially stay at home) have a college degree.

She feels it's a waste of a degree.

Originally Posted by nutshell

When we have kids our desires come second and the kids come first. It is extremely difficult. I struggle with it every day. But I think this is the cycle God intended and when they're 18 I'll kick them out and get back to "me" time.

But what about what's best for you?

[Victor]

Originally Posted by Maize

I think parents should do what they feel is best for them and their kids, and no one else can tell them what that is.

Wouldn't "what is best for you" secondary?

[robtex]

Originally Posted by Maize

I think parents should do what they feel is best for them and their kids, and no one else can tell them what that is.

Amy brings up a good point. The decsion is contextual in nature. For instance a woman with a kid who is mentally handicapped or severly depressed has a different set of circumstances than a woman who has her mother living in the house with her.

I see as I reach middle age a lot of women start out being homemakes and it not panning out in later years. They get married at the age of 18-22, have a few children and than divorce their husband 5-10 years later. Many times they have 2-5 kids, and no job skills or experience. I think maintaining a healthy indepdance is a smart move not only in case of divorce (50 % of marriages end-up as divorces) but also it takes pressure-off the man to be "sole bread winner" for a family or 4 or 5.

However circumstances may dictate a senerio where the opposite is true. It is just sorta contingent. Good you are thinking it through though Victor.

[Green Gaia]

Originally Posted by Victor

Wouldn't "what is best for you" secondary?

\
I think it's interconnected, I just typed that part first, doesn't mean that I think you should put your needs above your kids. But if someone is miserable staying at home with the kids all day, then that's not the best environment for the children, wouldn't you say?

And some parents would love to stay home with the kids cannot do so because of financial reasons. I don't think we can or should judge them for their decision.

[dawny0826]

Originally Posted by Maize

I think parents should do what they feel is best for them and their kids, and no one else can tell them what that is.

I agree with Maize.

I've been home with my children for almost a month now and I'm incredibly happy. My children are incredibly happy to have me home. My husband is ecstatic to have me home when he gets home from work. I would get home from work so late in the evenings, that we had little family time when both my husband and I worked. Weekends were spent playing catch up on housework and personal business and it took a toll on our emotions.

So, it's working for us and we're very pleased with our current station but two years ago, if someone told me that I would be home now...I wouldn't have believed it because two years ago...I wasn't ready to be a stay at home Mom. I enjoyed my management/administrative positions and although being a Mom and wife were my most treasured positions in life...I was also focused on building my resume and gaining skills that I felt were important for myself.

When my boss and I had a fall out last month and I had the option to either stay home or seek employment elsewhere...I was so ready to stay home with my children and financially speaking...it works.

I actually have more opportunity to further my skills NOW than I did when I was working because now I have the TIME that it would take to further my education or explore another field. Staying home with the kids doesn't eliminate opportunities for personal growth. In fact, I view staying home as having the best of both worlds.

It's not for everyone though. Not everyone will have the same list of pros and cons about staying home with the kids. And had I decided to stay home a year or two ago...I may not feel the same as I do now.

I'm certainly not selling myself out by staying home, which I felt the article implied. And I KNOW my children, especially as they get older will appreciate this time that I'm investing in THEM.