Is it okay to hit your children? (punishment)

[Aqualung]

I don't know if this has already been a thread or not, but is it okay to hit your children?

I say yes. Hitting is little different than sending a kid to time out. The intent is to make them know that they did something, and the end result (guilt) is the same. I don't think it does more damage to a kid if that guilt is come by hitting or by time out.

This is only true in a loving home. A mom or dad who actually didn't care about their kids, would not be able to excersise proper judgement when it came to hitting. They could seriously hurt the child if they didn't care. But if they did care, they would be able to judge what sort of hitting the child could stand, and be able to tie the hit into a lesson about what the child did wrong. Of couse, these scenarios are also true in the case of timeout. A parent could seriously misuse timeouts, if they really didn't care about raising their kids. So, really, I don't think it makes a difference whether you hit your kids or not, just whether or not you do it lovingly.

[Jaymes]

No. No a thousand times over. Hitting teaches nothing except that violence is acceptable--after all, mommy and daddy do it.

EDIT: I think the 'as long as you do it lovingly' thing doesn't count for much. My father could have easily said that he 'lovingly' hit me on the head until I collapsed when things got physical.

[Aqualung]

Originally Posted by Jensa

No. No a thousand times over. Hitting teaches nothing except that violence is acceptable--after all, mommy and daddy do it.

EDIT: I think the 'as long as you do it lovingly' thing doesn't count for much. My father could have easily said that he 'lovingly' hit me on the head until I collapsed when things got physical.

He could have easily said that, but was it true?

[Jaymes]

From his view it might well have been. I didn't find anything too loving about laying on the floor and being unable to get up, though, and I'm sure kids don't find anything too loving about being forced over a knee and smacked with their pants yanked down.

[michel]

I have resorted to a slight slap when things have got out of hand, when our two were younger (and so was I)!. No I don't believe in hitting Children.

This may sound absurd, but the way one deals with a difficult child is very much like the way one deals with pets dogs.

Bad behaviour is attention seeking; when the Child is seeking attention - you don't give it to him. Bad behaviour should be ignored, while good behaviour should be rewarded. And that doesn't mean with sweets - that's another trap to fall into. The other trap is the one of 'If you keep doing that, I'll send you to bed' - thaty gives a very wrong subconscious message that bed is for bad children.

[Fire Empire]

Pain is a great teacher, but we think a good parent should be able to control a child without resorting to violence. We remember reading some psychological studies showing that even mild hitting (spankings and such) could result in serious psychological problems.

Originally Posted by Aqualung

So, really, I don't think it makes a difference whether you hit your kids or not, just whether or not you do it lovingly.

Wrong, there is a significant difference between hitting anyone and not hitting them. By this reasoning, is it okay for husbands to occasionally hit their wives as long as they "do it lovingly"?

[lilithu]

Originally Posted by Aqualung

I say yes. Hitting is little different than sending a kid to time out. The intent is to make them know that they did something, and the end result (guilt) is the same. I don't think it does more damage to a kid if that guilt is come by hitting or by time out.

If indeed the end result is the same (in terms of letting them know they did something wrong), why would hitting ever be peferable to other forms of discipline? The only reason it would be preferable is if it accomplished something that other punishments could not. You have not elaborated what that might be.

While otoh, Jensa has pointed out why hitting would be more detrimental than other forms of discipline, teaching kids that violence is an acceptable (or even preferable) response to conflict.

I do not believe that hitting your child is wise under any circumstance. That said, I also do not believe that it's the worst thing that you can do to your child. Inconsistent punishment, so that the kids is never quite sure what's wrong and what's right, and disproportionate punishment, so that the kid feels overwhelming guilt for even small infractions, are far more damaging.

[Draka]

As I have said in another thread I believe that the only appropriate instance would be smacking their hand away from dangerous things like a hot stove burner or a knife or something else sharp to save them from being hurt worse than the smack. Other than that I cannot think of any other time where hitting is warranted. Protection is one thing...hitting doesn't have to be part of discipline in any way. I have seen a child take a spanking and just laugh or be defiant as if it did not hurt at all and only made them angrier. While taking a child and putting them in time out facing a corner without anything to see or do, or grounding an older child does seem to have a far better discipline result. As long as discipline comes with an explanation for the consequences then that works best.

[michel]

Originally Posted by Draka

As I have said in another thread I believe that the only appropriate instance would be smacking their hand away from dangerous things like a hot stove burner or a knife or something else sharp to save them from being hurt worse than the smack. Other than that I cannot think of any other time where hitting is warranted. Protection is one thing...hitting doesn't have to be part of discipline in any way. I have seen a child take a spanking and just laugh or be defiant as if it did not hurt at all and only made them angrier. While taking a child and putting them in time out facing a corner without anything to see or do, or grounding an older child does seem to have a far better discipline result. As long as discipline comes with an explanation for the consequences then that works best.

Oh yes, that's a routine reaction - defiance. Ever watched 'Nanny 911' ? that's an eye opener in itself.

[jewscout]

different discipline strategies work for different kids...i know spanking worked for me...i learned my lesson!