Three jokes from my wife......... (elder, confess)

[michel]

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied,"Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Martha was on her deathbed with her husband, John, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling John," she whispered.........
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk." But she was insistent. "John," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."

There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping John. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."

"No, no. I must die in peace, John. I had affairs with your brother, your best friend and your father."


John mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Martha, don't torment yourself. I know all about it." he said, "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" asks his friend.........

..............."Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants".

[Willamena]

Okay, not bad, but that middle one isn't funny.