Come again, flight attendant said what? (hell, Christian, Christ, muslim)

Djamila · #1 03-19-2007, 05:26 PM

West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. West Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a West Jet flight there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want, passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a West Jet Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please swim to shore and keep them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please, do not leave children or spouses."

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on a particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport... After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

angellous_evangellous · #2 03-19-2007, 05:47 PM

I bet the Bosnian version is better!

Djamila · #3 03-19-2007, 06:13 PM

Not really. Ours is just clapping when we land. lol

Katzpur · #4 03-19-2007, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angellous_evangellous

I bet the Bosnian version is better!

Actually, I'm pretty sure there must be a Bosnian Muslim version and a Bosnian Christian version.

BFD_Zayl · #5 03-19-2007, 06:49 PM

"in case of a crash landing, put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye, if you have enough time you may also kiss mine..."

Djamila · #6 03-19-2007, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katzpur

Actually, I'm pretty sure there must be a Bosnian Muslim version and a Bosnian Christian version.

Hehehe, there were actually different airlines in different regions of the country. lol We had Air Bosna, Air Srpska, everything you can imagine.

Now we have just four - all of which harvest their flight attendants from Miss Bosnia preliminaries. lol

1. Bosnia and Herzegovina Airlines

2. Arnoro

3. Fly Bosnia

4. Bosnia Airlines

Djamila · #7 03-19-2007, 06:56 PM

I almost forgot...

Bosnia and Herzegovina Airlines names it's planes. lol Which is probably funnier than the joke I started this thread with...

This one is, of course, my favorite.

The plane named "Mostar" is second for me... hahaha

Shadow Wolf · #8 03-20-2007, 02:58 AM

Quote:

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

I like that one. Next time I fly, and have to experience another rough landing, I think I'll call the captian that on the way out. Just have to think of something to call him if he manages to make the plane bounce while in flight.

Tigress · #9 03-20-2007, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Djamila

West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. West Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a West Jet flight there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want, passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a West Jet Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please swim to shore and keep them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please, do not leave children or spouses."

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on a particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport... After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg to Montreal. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me a bit if these were true. lol