politically correct (Earth, translation, mission, experience, Mary)

[tcprowling]

A bit hard to sing to but worth a try!


CHILDREN at a British childcare centre have been taught to sing "Baa baa
rainbow sheep" to avoid causing offence. NEWS.com.au asked readers to
rewrite their favourite nursery rhyme to make it more politically correct.

Enjoy the best politically-correct offerings sent in by readers....


1. Mary had a dimensionally-challenged-but-no-less-useful-to-society
lamb,
Its fleece was as rainbow as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
the lamb chose to follow, out of its own free will not because it felt
compelled to by the mores of a patriarchal phallus-centred society that
seeks dominance over non-human life forms.


2. Georgie Porgie pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
In fear of a lawsuit, he ran away.


3. Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey,
along came a spider and sat down beside her
and got hit with a harassment law suit and a restraining order


4. 3 visually impaired rodents, 3 visually impaired rodents
see how they run, see how they run
they all ran after the agriculturalist's life partner
who in a non-aggressive way advised then they were invading her personal
space
have you ever heard such a thing in your life as 3 visually impaired
rodents.


5. Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water,
but Jill went only 'cause she wanted to,
not because Jack said she oughta.


6. I'm a size challenged teapot, small in stature and generous of
girth.
Here is my non-judgemental holding device and here is my non-pressurised,
safety device enabled, fluid releasing orifice.


When I feel temperature augmented and in need of external expression then I
exclaim in an elevated decibel,yet non-threatening verbal tone

Adjust my angle and release my non-caffeinated, dairy free organic
contents.

[Gentoo]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the government lawyers and all the government sense
Had OSHA come in and put up a fence

[Gentoo]

How about this one

Jack & Jill
Two young persons of opposite gender, proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance. The purpose of their expedition was to procure a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was omniously omitted from the record. As the male person precipitously descended, he consequently sustained severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomy. A similar fate befell the female, who immediately after the male person, performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction having been traversed by the young man.

[PHOTOTAKER]

i have to be the most policaly incorrect person in the world...

when i was a kid when the teacher told us to sit down it was "indian style" this is not correct now its "pritzel" or "make a lap" and sonner or latter these two frases are going to "offend" someone and then its going to be "set on the ground, and fold you legs!!!" and then this is going to be offenive and people are just going to give up or start a revalutionary war over this...

ok i'm done...

[Mestemia]

Noah and The New Ark

In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the USA,
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and
I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of
every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the
blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I will
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights". Six months later, the
Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard.... but no ark. "Noah",
He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the
right limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
decision. Then Transport USA and the Departments of Highways and Hydro
demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and
other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the
sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on
cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince
the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights
group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then
Environment USA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to
resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many
minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Also, the trades
unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union
workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the USA
Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it
would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the world?".
"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it".

[Capt. Haddock]

Originally Posted by tcprowling

A bit hard to sing to but worth a try!


CHILDREN at a British childcare centre have been taught to sing "Baa baa
rainbow sheep" to avoid causing offence.

Let's try that one then:

Baa baa rainbow sheep, have you any organic fibers?
Yes, indeed, sir or madam, three biodegradable hemp sacks full.
One for my voluntary human companion. One for my voluntary human companion's life partner, and one for the size-challenged child who lives down the lane.


There was a homeless senior citizen of unspecified gender (it is irrelevant to the case) whose only known abode was an article of footwear.
She or he had so many legal dependents
than she or he was unable to obtain any support or counselling on responsible guardianship.
She or he provided them with foods of inadequate nutritional value
but thankfully free of carbohydrates
She or he abused them physically and mentally
and social services had to intervene.

[michel]

They're all rather amusing; the tragedy is that this is all really going on, in the background.

[Capt. Haddock]

Ms. Hubbard, a senior citizen with some symptoms of Alzheimer's disease
went to the cupboard
to retreive an unspecified plaything which she intended to give to a neglected canine under her care.
When she arrived at the cupboard, she realized that it was empty.
The canine, malnourished at this point, was taken into the custody of the Humane society, and Ms. Hubbard was referred to a supervised living facility for seniors.

[tcprowling]

a sign of attitudes over the years and after the hoo ha re happy feet the nursery rhyeme Wee willy winkie has to be down right pornographic> try see someone politically correct that one. When i was a kid we said this all the time and never had a second thought about it.