How to give a cat a pill . . . (Earth, blood, dragon)

[doppelgänger]

How to Give a Cat a Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet mignon. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture store on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and call pet shop to see if they have any hamsters or fish.

How to Give a Dog a Pill

1) Wrap it in a piece of bacon and give it to dog.

[Hema]

Hyuk hyuk. Can't the pill be mixed in cat food though? Paging Katzpur.

[RevOxley_501]

been there before---

and no, if it is in cat food, it will be the only thing left in the bowl...i promise


baths are even more fun

[GoldenDragon]

how about crushing the pill up into a fine powder first and mixing it in with the food?That's what we did for my cat.

[Shadow Wolf]

Personally, I just pet the cat, then firmly hold it in place with one arm, shove the pill in its mouth with my free hand, tilt its head back and hold the mouth shut.

baths are even more fun

Been thier, done that, got the deep cuts the were quickly infected and burned.

[Snowbear]

How I learned to pill the cat when I worked for a vet... first wrap the cat firmly in a thick towel.
When you shove the pill in - make sure it goes all the way over the back of the tongue so it can't spit it out.
When you unwrap the cat - stand clear

All that said - the OP made me laugh just about as hard as it did the first time I got it in email form

[dawny0826]

That was great!

This is my favorite...

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

I think what I find so funny is that I can see myself doing this...

[Snowbear]

Originally Posted by RevOxley_501

baths are even more fun

Yup:

Flush~n~Fluff

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.


Sincerely,

The Dog

[Hema]

Originally Posted by GoldenDragon

how about crushing the pill up into a fine powder first and mixing it in with the food?That's what we did for my cat.

That's what I was talking about.

[Gentoo]

I've found that crushing the pill into a powder and then putting it water, then the water in a medicine dropper is the best way for us and my cat.