You know you're a Bosniak in America when...
Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs.
Your family owns a coffee grinder..and a nut grinder
Duck tape is your father's only tool next to using a kitchen knife as a screwdriver .
Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikanac
You get a C in history, but can recite every Bosnian king, in order, from Ban Kulin
You are somehow related to every 1 in 3 Bosniak girls/boys.
You don't actually attend University, just hang out there and play games.
You can derive "Steve" from "Nenad".
You can derive "David" from "Zeljko".
You can derive "Mark" from "Mirko".
Your father expects you to study or "hit da books" every waking hour that he's home, and he expects nothing less than an "A".
You work out six days a week, but somehow you dad whoops your *** in like five seconds after he comes home from a thirteen hour day from the bakery/factory/food business.
You own a leather jacket.
You have three pairs of black shoes.
If you're 20, unmarried, and female your parents threaten to send you back to Bosnia to find a husband if you don't hurry up
There is a 120-gallon barrel of wine and Cabbage in your garage.
There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar.
Your mother still makes your bed.
Every car your family owns has chrome wheels.
Your Grandma calls all cereal "Corn Flakes".
Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
Your Grandma and Grandpa live in your basement.
Your parents never go on vacations because they are afraid to leave you home alone for a week.
You have all brand new appliances in your kitchen but your mom cooks in the basement with the stove from your old house in Bosnia.
Your dad claims not to be a racist but insists the whole world should speak Bosnian
You are prohibited from speaking English in you own home.
Both your parents had to walk to school barefoot in the snow, 5km uphill both ways. And over rocks.
Your parents can't pronounce "Thursday".
You argue that your mobile phone is better than anyone else's.
You always have the biggest sandwiches at school.
Your dad wears dress socks with tennis shoes.
There's oil stains on your driveway.
There's at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to.
When you make jokes based on your own tragedy
You are high maintenance
A loaf of bread is eaten for lunch every day
You only go out of town for Bosnian Tournaments and Dances
Your dad pronounced the silent b in Climb, plumber, comb etc…
Your mom wears her bra as a bathing suit
You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup
You live with your mom and dad until you are married
You have a pair of wool slippers that your Grandma knit
There's a slab of fat in your fridge called "slanina"
At your birthdays everyone is singing "Happy brzday tu u"
Your parents pronounce three, thirteen and thirty three as tri, tirteen, and tirty tree.
You have a vegetable garden in your backyard consisting of a variety of peppers, onions and tomatoes.
When you have to reassure your Mother that her cooking is the best
In your house, the walls are neon green or yellow and your carpet is brown
You can think of nothing you would rather do an a Saturday night than go to a dance
Your American friends will never understand why you spend so much time at Mosque events and you are the farthest thing from holy that there is
Your Dad pronounces "oops" as "ups."
All the older Bosnians around you are always worried about air drafts in the house, the "promaja" will kill you!
No one has ever pronounced your last name right, and every kid on the block has a nickname for it
You know you're Bosnian when you don't work and you go shell out $300 easy on the weekend
When your parents know everything you did at the basketball tournament before you get home
A Bosnian baby shower is as big as most American weddings!
When all guys balk at the idea of meeting you family, especially the male relatives
When you are 6'5" 250# and your parents think you are too skinny.
When your mama gives you vodka when your teething...
You sport the latest Nike and Adidas outfits but have never exercised in your life
You can spend 3hrs in a Cafe drinking the same one coffee
Calling someone for a chat at 1am on a weeknight is the norm
When your parents call relatives in Bosnia they shout to be heard
Your parents work day and night to build the ultimate brick and concrete mansion so their babies can live with them in eternal happiness
When everytime your family needs to buy a household item, your father asks the salesperson "how much for cash" and continues to bargain down for at least half an hour
When as a young boy/girl you have your head shaved to promote a thick head of healthy hair
When your front yard is all concrete ... and your dad then paints it green
When your parents only want to invite your Bosnian friends in your house, because they can't "relax" around Amerikanac
Your mom gloats about how good Bosnian food is but cooks Turkish coffee for all her friends
Thinking there's no such thing as Santa Claus but believing St Nicholas will come to your house, but only if you're REALLY bad
Your parents always complain about how the work you're doing in school is too easy for kids your age.
When you write on your history exam that Nikola Tesla is the father of electricity not Thomas Edison and you teacher fails you.
When you make a pilgrimage to Chicago
When your parents tell you that the laws pertain only to North Amaericans and not them
When no one enters your house through the front door. .. everyone is to enter through the garage
When your parents will only go to the doctor if they are passed out on the floor or have severed a limb
When to ensure that you will never marry a non-Bosnian, whenever you are in the car with your parents, your parents play Bosnian music and sing along really loud when the windows are rolled down in the car
If your real first name isn't Bosnian, you have two first names -- one is definitely Bosnian.
When the first thing you do when you walk into a friends house, is take off your shoes, kiss their mom, and shake their dad's hand
When your friends' parents talk to you like they're YOUR PARENTS too.
When you beg a friend going back to Yugo to get you some Bosnian cigarettes
Your mother keeps buying and sending you clothes long after you have grown up and left home
When you go on holiday, you take the same suitcase that your dad had with him when he arrived in the country over 30 years ago
You have an ashtray in your shower
You can make a public announcement by telling just one Bosnian friend something in confidence.
When your tata chases the pigeons off the balcony with a mop, then sits down and says "dayll be back"
You use the words brat i sestra for your brother and sister and for your
Seeing an animal's brain in the fridge doesn't freak you out
Your parents don't expect you to make good grades, as long as they are better than everybody else's
When she is mad your mama tells you that she will send you back to where you came from
When your family suggests that u go to Yugo to marry your cousin so u can bring them over
Your parents tell you that "gurlz" love guys that can dance a good folk dance
When your date comes to pick you up and your dad sits on the couch cleaning his hunting gun
When relatives immigrate from Bosnia, they live at your house for 6 months first
You get mad when somebody says that you speak Yugoslavian
If you were taught to love not just your immediate family but up to your 10th cousin or more and NOT to marry them
Your favorite phrase is "Nema problema"
When your parents' friends have no shame to tell you that you gained weight
When working 9-5 is like working under fascism the first question you ask at a job interview is "how much vacation time do I have"
When you were a kid you made enough money for any electronic toy you wanted every time you saw your older relatives
You bring gifts when you come and take gifts when you leave.
Your dad tells you "dis is the turd time I am telling you dis" and you are afraid to laugh.