World's Worst Analogies (I love some of these) (Earth, tradition)

[dawny0826]

Humor: World's Worst Analogies

These are really, really bad!

Annual English Teachers' awards for best student metaphors/analogies found in actual student papers:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up

[evearael]

If I were an English teacher, I would have given most of these kids extra points for humor. Thanks for the laugh!

[Nehustan]

One of my favourites, but really more of a joke than an analogy is one that I used heard often when I worked at the BBC...

'You have the perfect face for radio'

[Buttercup]

Originally Posted by dawny0826

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

This could be the perfect chick advice for Mr. Guy! *shudders*

Those were great Dawny, thanks!

[mr.guy]

"We had a band powerful enough to turn goat **** into gasoline." - Donald 'Duck' Dunn

[jonny]

That was the funniest thing I've read in a while. Thanks!

[Katzpur]

That was the funniest thing I've read in a long time!

It kind of reminded me of a compliment my husband paid me back when we were first dating. He said, "Your skin is as soft as a horse's nose."

[mr.guy]

Originally Posted by Buttercup

This could be the perfect chick advice for Mr. Guy!

I should be grateful, buttercup, that you've broken away from your usual characterization of me. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to think of myself as spoiled meat, for a change.

[Bastet]

Ah, those are great! I'm sitting here at work cackling, people are looking at me strangely... This reminds me of something one of the young girls used to say when asked to do something:

"I'm all over it, like water on a whale." (apparently being all over it like a rash was 'icky').