Religious Jokes - Post Your Best! (Jesus Christ, priest, Torah, Jehovah)

[Green Gaia]

Q: What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's witness?
A: Someone who knocks on your door asking what YOU believe in.

[Green Gaia]

There was a 3-alarm fire on a corner where a synagogue, a Catholic church, & a Unitarian church stood. The Rabbi ran in & saved the Torah, the Priest ran in & saved the Crucifix, & the Unitarian ran in & saved the coffee pot.

(Yes, I'm still laughing at that one. )

[Runt]

LMAO. That last one is SOO true! Does your congregation gather for coffee after every sermon? Ours loves coffee so much we're considering makeing a UU coffee shop at the church (or perhaps elsewhere).

How 'bout this one:

Q: What is the Unitarian Universalist Trinity?
A: One God, at least, if any...

[Green Gaia]

Originally Posted by Runt

LMAO. That last one is SOO true! Does your congregation gather for coffee after every sermon?

Before, during, after... we love our coffee lol.

I love this one too:

A little woman of middle years requested the clerk to cut 40 yards of pink chiffon for her. When he asked her what she could possibly want with 40 yards of chiffon, she explained, "I'm making a nightie for myself."

"But surely you don't need 40 yards. You are not a large woman."

"Yes, but my husband is a Unitarian and he'd much rather look for something than actually find it."

[Runt]

LMAO, that's good! I'm remembering one right now, but I can't quite remember how the joke goes. So, warning, this may be lame:

Q--If the KKK wants to terrorize a Christian family, they burn a cross in their front yard. What does the KKK do to terrorize a Unitarian Universalist family?
A--Burn a question mark in their front yard!

[Green Gaia]

LOL! I've heard that one too.


A Christian couple decide one Sunday to visit the Unitarian church near their home. After the service on the walk home the wife asks "Well Honey, what did you think of the service?" The husband replies. "It was very nice I enjoyed the music and found the sermon quite thought provoking. There was just one problem though." "What is that? Dear." asks the wife. "The only time I heard 'Jesus Christ' was when the janitor fell down the steps."

[Green Gaia]

Do you know why there are no Unitarians in Heaven?

Because they heard there was a choice between going to Heaven or going to a discussion group about the existence of Heaven.

[Ardhanariswar]

this joke is kinda funny. i dunno. its also kinda wrong, hindus can sleep with cows.

A Jew, A Hindu, And A Lawyer


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One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a lawyer all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn.
The Hindu and the lawyer were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Jew. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

"No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the lawyer and the Jew to share the room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

The lawyer grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when here was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig.

[Irenicas]

Well, there is that old one that i quite like - you've probably heard this so, sorry!

One day there was an awful flood in a village, and one man, a devoted Christian, was caught on his roof, with the waters rising. He couldn't swim, and so was trapped. After five minutes, a boat came along and the crew yelled "quick, jump aboard", "no", he answered, "God will save me". The waters continued to rise, and then a diver swam past. " Quick, jump in and I'll help you get away", but the man again said "no, God will save me". The waters continued to rise, and now only his head was above the water. Another boat cam along, and they called "quick get in! We will save you!". But the man said "no, God will save me". The waters rose, and the man drowned. After he died, his spirit went up to heaven and he met St Peter at the Gates. "Why didn't God save me?" he asked. Peter looked at him and cried:

"He sent a diver and two boats, what more do you damn well want?"

[Ardhanariswar]

ya, i heard about it. theres a lot of meaning to it.

it means that God wont send literal signs. you gotta see them and accept them as from God. he is all around you, sending ambulance and stuff, not sending sexless angels in white robes and halos from the sky.