Guys like bad girls...

[Heneni]

......but will he make her his wife?

What a man wants and what a man needs are sometimes two different things. Men are pleased to marry a women who can take care of the kids, take home to his mother and they get along, run the domestics and keep the bills paid.

Some men marry girls who can do the above, but they desire to get down and dirty with a 'bad' girl because soon after marriage his wife becomes less sexually appealing, because of various reasons.

I dont want to discuss the morality of this. Neither do i want to quib about what is a bad girl and what is a good girl. You all know what i mean.

How can a good women keep her husband interested? Why do men start looking around?

Heneni

[Alceste]

Hi, Heneni. I just read an article about this very topic. While I disagree with some of it, and the bit about "DIY feelgood boosters" for women actually offends me ("get a manicure??" Puh-lease! Why not "Solve Mensa problems for an afternoon?" That always picks me up...), I think the section on hormones is quite useful.

Here's how it works: At the start of a relationship, a man will get excited and motivated by the challenge of winning a woman's affection. The challenge automatically stimulates the production of testosterone, the "male" hormone that contributes to a man's sense of power and well-being.
As relationship routine sets in, and the challenge in the relationship decreases, however, his testosterone levels naturally decrease. When this happens, the honeymoon is over, and a man starts to look elsewhere to stimulate higher levels of testosterone to make himself feel good.

What rang true for me is that declining oxytocin levels (for women) and declining testosterone levels (for men) are the inevitable result of domestic "bliss". Where women need to feel "loved" to be happy in a relationship, men need to feel "successful" - particularly at making us happy, which is something they're not very good at, frankly.

IMO, the reason the effort by men to boost their testosterone often plays out as interest in other people because each new woman is a clean slate, a new conquest, another opportunity to feel successful and admired. I think men quickly lose that feeling with the woman who has to trail about after them picking up their soiled underpants. She's already been conquered, and she knows all about your backne.

So what to do? Forget about him and work on making yourself happy. When you are happy and confident, he will assume it's because of something he did. His testosterone will start to build up again as he takes the credit for your satisfaction. Also, the way you go about making yourself happy - which he should know nothing about - will add to your aura of mystery, which will make him feel as if he's lucked into a continuous conquest.

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by Alceste

Hi, Heneni. I just read an article about this very topic. While I disagree with some of it, and the bit about "DIY feelgood boosters" for women actually offends me ("get a manicure??" Puh-lease! Why not "Solve Mensa problems for an afternoon?" That always picks me up...), I think the section on hormones is quite useful.

What rang true for me is that declining oxytocin levels (for women) and declining testosterone levels (for men) are the inevitable result of domestic "bliss". Where women need to feel "loved" to be happy in a relationship, men need to feel "successful" - particularly at making us happy, which is something they're not very good at, frankly.

IMO, the reason the effort by men to boost their testosterone often plays out as interest in other people because each new woman is a clean slate, a new conquest, another opportunity to feel successful and admired. I think men quickly lose that feeling with the woman who has to trail about after them picking up their soiled underpants. She's already been conquered, and she knows all about your backne.

So what to do? Forget about him and work on making yourself happy. When you are happy and confident, he will assume it's because of something he did. His testosterone will start to build up again as he takes the credit for your satisfaction. Also, the way you go about making yourself happy - which he should know nothing about - will add to your aura of mystery, which will make him feel as if he's lucked into a continuous conquest.

A women must therefore be waiting for her husband naked on the couch with a tie around her neck, instead of talking to him about the bills and the kids and the laundry. That about right?

Thanks for the post it was very informative.

[Alceste]

Originally Posted by Heneni

A women must therefore be waiting for her husband naked on the couch with a tie around her neck, instead of talking to him about the bills and the kids and the laundry. That about right?

Thanks for the post it was very informative.

What I was really getting at is that it would be better if she were not there at all when he comes home from work. She should be off doing something that makes her happy, come home when she's good and ready, initiate sex whenever she feels like it, and be as filthy as she likes in the process (and no filthier). I also think female friends are much better partners for talking about kids, laundry, bills, etc.

To have your girlfriend waiting naked for you to come home is not much of a "conquest", although I suspect he would find it quite hot if she were doing it for herself, and not for him.

I'm convinced the best way to maintain the interest of a man is to have a fulfilling life of your own that he is not a part of.

[Nanda]

I don't know. I'm a "bad girl" that takes care of my kid and does the laundry.

[dawny0826]

What a man wants and what a man needs are sometimes two different things. Men are pleased to marry a women who can take care of the kids, take home to his mother and they get along, run the domestics and keep the bills paid.

I don't think this labeling really "flies" anymore. Though yes, you'll find many men who want this very thing. More and more couples are sharing these responsibilities.

Some men marry girls who can do the above, but they desire to get down and dirty with a 'bad' girl because soon after marriage his wife becomes less sexually appealing, because of various reasons.

You're right. Some men do.

I dont want to discuss the morality of this. Neither do i want to quib about what is a bad girl and what is a good girl. You all know what i mean.

I don't think this stereotyping is as relevant anymore. No doubt, there are men who are attracted to a particular image or type of woman but I don't believe that there are many girls who are specifically good or bad anymore.

I understand what you're saying, here, but I feel this sort of labeling is rather limiting and doesn't describe most woman that I know.

How can a good women keep her husband interested? Why do men start looking around?

If either spouse is looking around...there's a problem, somewhere and it's likely within the individual who has decided that they are restless with their relationship.

Unless both spouses are willing to work together to determine the reasons behind restlessness in a relationship, I don't think either should feel that they have to go to any length to KEEP the other interested.

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by Nanda

I don't know. I'm a "bad girl" that takes care of my kid and does the laundry.

LOL!!! Hun do you entertain married men on the weekends? I dont think so!

Yo nut missing out on nuttin! Your a GOOOD girl.

[Nanda]

Originally Posted by dawny0826

If either spouse is looking around...there's a problem

(Unless they're poly.)

[Nanda]

Originally Posted by Heneni

LOL!!! Hun do you entertain married men on the weekends? I dont think so!

No, that's true. But I live with my husband, my son, and my live-in boyfriend, and I have a girlfriend in New Jersey, and some people would consider that "bad."