Guys like bad girls...

[doppelgänger]

Originally Posted by dawny0826

There are many ways to keep each other satisfied sexually, even when one isn't as into it. Books, toys...many tools are available to assist with issues relating to sex.

Great point, Dawny. Sometimes all it takes is a little creativity and willingness to break out of one's usual ways of thinking about sex. So much of sexuality is emotional and psychological, there's often many different doorways into a particular sexual aesthetic.

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by Troublemane

Women are the same way. They like "bad boys" just as much, only difference is women always wanna "fix" a bad boy, turn him into a "good boy", and its never gonna work! LoL!

Men dont wanna turn bad girls into good girls, since we tend not to see relationships as a process, but as however we feel about it at the moment.

True, some women like bad boys, and are more willing to take bad boy to meet the parents.

I started this thread because of your current girlfriend situtation....i figured id like to understand why guys fancy 'bad' girls.

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by Nanda

(Not to beleaguer the issue, but I'm coming from a different perspective, so I can't really help but apply it in this case...)

In open/poly relationships, the partner who isn't getting enough sex could get another partner to fullfill those physical needs, but everyone has to be on the same page for that to work, and it's not at all easy. Plus most people want sexual fidelity, so I realize that most people won't consider this an option.

Ive thought about this actually. I wonder if emotional adultery is worse than physical adultery, and why women see physical adultery automatically as emotional adultery.

Some women, i know can stomach her husband/partner getting a bit on the side, since they are sure that their partners love them. But for me...ill be wondering...does he look into her eyes and wisper sweet things into her ear?

And that right there...sends me over the edge ya?

Heneni

[Troublemane]

Originally Posted by Heneni

True, some women like bad boys, and are more willing to take bad boy to meet the parents.

I started this thread because of your current girlfriend situtation....i figured id like to understand why guys fancy 'bad' girls.

LoL, thats funny! She's not my girlfriend now, but I do still love/care about her.
I think she turned to me because she was losing herself in the role-playing, and I represented a time when things were more stable. She was going through a depression/self-destructive phase, and I was able to help.

As a nice conclusion, I think I made a connection, as we are now able to get along fine: we exchange emails about normal life, movies, music, politics, etc. Regular friend stuff, which is nice!

[Alceste]

Originally Posted by Heneni

What can a women do, when she has a husband who wants to have sex often, but she doesnt have the same sexual drive?

And of course...visa versa...

My favorite advice columnist, Dan Savage, recommends that if you are the low sex-drive partner (and you are not cool with Nanda's approach), you should compromise. Find the middle ground between his sex drive and yours, and agree to supply some form of regular gratification for your partner even if / when you're not in the mood. Dan thinks, and I agree, that it is not fair to the high sex-drive partner to deny them an outlet, since sexual desire is such a powerful drive. Not getting as much as you need is a torment, whereas having more than you want (or providing an outlet that does not necessarily involve a lot of effort on your part, like manual, oral or visual stimulation) is only an inconvenience - and it shouldn't really bother you much if you love the other person and care about their happiness. If the low-drive partner is not willing to either put out or allow the high-drive partner to look outside the relationship for release, they really shouldn't be surprised to find to one day discover their partner is having an affair.

[Nanda]

Originally Posted by Heneni

Ive thought about this actually. I wonder if emotional adultery is worse than physical adultery, and why women see physical adultery automatically as emotional adultery.

Some women, i know can stomach her husband/partner getting a bit on the side, since they are sure that their partners love them. But for me...ill be wondering...does he look into her eyes and wisper sweet things into her ear?

And that right there...sends me over the edge ya?

Heneni

Well, the key difference between poly relationships and open relationships is that poly relationships are all about the emotional aspect; so if you were in a poly relationship, and your husband found a girlfriend, it's pretty much understood that he would be whispering sweet things into her ear. But that doesn't mean he'd love you any less.

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by Troublemane

LoL, thats funny! She's not my girlfriend now, but I do still love/care about her.
I think she turned to me because she was losing herself in the role-playing, and I represented a time when things were more stable. She was going through a depression/self-destructive phase, and I was able to help.

As a nice conclusion, I think I made a connection, as we are now able to get along fine: we exchange emails about normal life, movies, music, politics, etc. Regular friend stuff, which is nice!

So you dont like bad girls then? PHEEEWWWW.....AAHHHHH......EEEEWWWW... which ever answer you fancy.

I have always been attracted to bad boys. I'm working on it! My ex-husband though wasnt a bad boy. We got divorced. HE HE... Oh dear.

I think i was on a self destructive course as well in way. He was my anchor, but as you know any realationship that is rooted in need doesnt always work out. He on the other hand has always been attracted to bad girls. Pink comes to mind. Whenever he use to freak out about a bad girl, id be thinking...what are you doing with ME then? HE HE...well...maybe he saw something in me i didnt quite see myself. OOPS.

Both partners must continue to WANT each other, not need each other. That i think is a worthwhile lesson i learnt from my previous marriage.

[Heneni]

Originally Posted by Nanda

Well, the key difference between poly relationships and open relationships is that poly relationships are all about the emotional aspect; so if you were in a poly relationship, and your husband found a girlfriend, it's pretty much understood that he would be whispering sweet things into her ear. But that doesn't mean he'd love you any less.

I guess if you both understand that, it is exactly what is going to happen, you are ready and open to it.

I can imagine that it would cause far less emotional damage if all things are in the open.

Im more of a cinderella kind of girl. Im hoping that my prince will look past the 'ugly' sisters who pick their noses at weddings, and pinpoint me as the only love in his life. At times though, i wonder if i have what it takes to capture the mind and heart of a man in that way. Sometimes im confident that i do...but whenever i get close to someone.....things get a bit complicated.

[Sunstone]

Originally Posted by Alceste

I'm convinced the best way to maintain the interest of a man is to have a fulfilling life of your own that he is not a part of.

I profoundly agree with you here, Alceste. Women who have interests and accomplishments apart from me -- who have a life of their own -- are extraordinarily appealing to me. I put it down to being raised by an executive (my mother) who had a very successful career in addition to being an extremely good mother. I think she might to some extent be my model for that. To this day, when I encounter that kind of competence in a woman, it's almost guaranteed to make me fall in love, and stay in love.