Taking Stock

[stephenw]

This has been a funny year. All my life I've loved sport, but the sport caught up with me last Christmas when arthritis started bothering me to the point that I had to stop running. Being used to running a couple of marathons and maybe an ultra every year this came as quite a shock to the system. I put on a bit of weight and started feeling a bit different about things. I even found myself smoking the odd cigarette, I felt like I was on a bit of a slide. The slide culminated in A&E a few weeks ago, I went to my doctor with chest pains etc. etc. they called an ambulance and there I was. Turned out it was an anxiety attack.
This was followed by the biggest run of funerals I have ever experienced. People were dropping off left right and centre around us. People who had always been there for me, I needed to take stock. I took it. One night, after my Nans funeral I read these lines:-

Down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

That really inspired me. I have adopted it as my own. I AM NOT RESIGNED. That will be my motto from now on.
I started doing a little running again a short while ago. When I used run marathons I saw people who were in an awful lot worse nick than I am now get around. I'm going to do the Belfast marathon in May, I am not going to train with the ferocious intensity that I used so I might be an hour or two slower than I was but I'm going to do it. I am not resigned.

[UltraViolet]

I am not Resigned.

I have had my own extreemely challanging year Stephen,
on a few fronts.

Turned 40,
finally found myself,
could not love myself (completely) as I was,
challanged my whole marriage,
resolved to get out and play music professionally again...
but "needed" to lose weight first...
which resulted in me hurting myself...
and thus I could not play piano for really 5 months.

But...

I did not Resign myself.

And I will not Resign myself.

I will continue to love my Self... improve my Self... & accept my Self.
Heal, Help & Nurture my SElf.

Things are turning around finally.
I could conceivably be playing out by next month.
I'm playing for hours at a time again...
with little to no discomfort at all.

I may not have the figure I once did...
but in my maturity,
I am more the Diva than ever.
Matured musically, and secure in my Sexuality/Sensuality.

Good enough.

I am not Resigned.

I am glad you are not Resigned either.

[Seyorni]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a bad year, Stephen. I hope things start looking up.

In re your arthritis, have you considered a lower-impact exercise like bicycling?


Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

[stephenw]

Originally Posted by Seyorni

Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I like that, Dylan Thomas?
It hasn't been a bad year, it's actually been good in that the result has been taking stock and giving myself a kick in the pants.
Regards arthritis - stopping running altogether for eight odd months seems to have taken the pressure off the skeleton a bit. I have started mixing up a little cycling with my running. Where before I ran 7 days and did 60-80 miles a week I'm planning on mixing up running, cycling and swimming. I'm going to run no further than 14 or 15 miles in a session in training for this marathon and go around it very easy. I'm planning on about five hours - nice and relaxed.