To improve your marriage - STOP talking!

[Engyo]

To improve your marriage -- be quiet

(OPRAH.com) -- Forget everything you've heard about frankness, sharing your feelings, getting him to express his. New research into the male mind makes it clear that discussion may be the fastest way to shut down communication. (Oh, you noticed that, have you?)

When I first heard about the book, I thought it was a gimmick. "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" sounded like a title somebody's prankster husband dreamed up after a rocky couples' therapy session.

When I mentioned it to Hugh, my own husband -- who in 22 years of marriage has never once said, "Honey, we need to talk" -- his face lit up like the Fourth of July.

Needless to say, I was suspicious. What about the vast repertoire of communication skills women have spent decades perfecting? Were Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, the psychotherapists who co-authored the book, advising us to forget everything we've learned and rethink how we relate to our partners?

The answer is yes -- and they're not kidding.

balance of article at:
To improve your marriage -- be quiet - CNN.com

[Charity]

I think a lot of couples have distored view on what they perceive as "talking" over any problem.....I think they look at it as a time to be nagged or lectured about the problem, so therefore it creates more hostility. Precious are the couples who can communicate and gain relsults from the conversation because so many have just ended up with the "talk" turning to a bitter stand off.

[mball1297]

Thank God! I've been trying to tell this to my wife for years!

But, seriously, I heard something like this, or maybe it was this, on the radio the other day. Obviously, something needs to be done, with the divorce rate the way it is.

[mrscardero]

When ever cardero and I get a chance to talk, we talk. He tells me about what he has done for the past few days. He has more exciting things to tell me then me telling him anything about my day because I don't really do much at work.

I agree with Charity. cardero and I have always had something to talk about after all these years. I think in all the years we have been together, we faught ones. I think it was around the time I was having those headaches and they put me on depression medication because they thought I was depressed. I was hallucinating and wanted to kill him. I was also seeing things. When I stopped taking the pills, I was back to my normal self. I don't want to kill him anymore...

I find that when men talk, they like to be heard and they want their partners to listen. But when it's the women's turn to talk, men grab the remote because the game is on. Is this true?

[Charity]

You got that right Rizza.....You know how those men are

[Ringer]

Originally Posted by mrscardero

I find that when men talk, they like to be heard and they want their partners to listen. But when it's the women's turn to talk, men grab the remote because the game is on. Is this true?

Yes, to a certain extent.
From my experience with women, they like to chit-chat about random events throughout their day that a guy wouldn't even think of talking about. Many times I'll tell my girlfriend something that happened to me a couple days ago and she'll say, "Why didn't you tell me that before?". I don't know? I guess I didn't think it was important enough to mention. I don't mind listening to when my girlfriend talks as long as it is relevant to what's going on and worth listening to. Apparently, how we define those things are completely different. It's hard for me to concentrate on a 5 minute story that ends with "...and I was that close to hitting the squirrel but I managed to just miss him".

[UltraViolet]

To improve your marriage - STOP talking!

It works at my house.


Less talking almost always means less fighting.

[DallasApple]

Im sorry..

This is not "new news"...Women being stereo typed and men..And the woman being "advised" to shut up and have more sex...

I mean DUH!! What man wouldnt like a mute that "expressed" communication through "touch"??(including sex)....Double duh!!!

Well how about the WOMEN who are starved for sex??? And wish their husband would shut up and stop whining and give her a real thrill????

Way too stereo typical for me...

Sorry....

Love

Dallas

[UltraViolet]

Ok, I just fixed my post.

I was just responding to the thread title,
but neglected to quote it.

I still have not actually read the OP.

Carry on......

[DallasApple]

"When a baby girl hears a loud noise or gets anxious, she wants to make eye contact with someone, but a baby boy will react to the same sound by looking around, in a fight-or-flight response," he says. What's more, while newborn girls are much more easily frightened, boys have five times as many "startle" reactions, which are emotionally neutral but pump up adrenaline. Boys need to intermittently withdraw into themselves to keep from becoming overstimulated.

Touche...

Boys go in a cave...(babies)...and girls look around for human contact..(babies)...

"boys get "overstimulated by noise..(unless that is a woman sreaming very loudly during sex)...

And girls are "scaredy cats"...(they frighten easily...EEEK its a mouse!!)

I mean come on ya'll???

Love

Dallas