Has any man here hit a woman ? (mystic, virgin, marriage)

[michel]

Or maybe a woman hit a man ?

I know that this is a dreadful topic on which to embark; It came to mind when I saw the "rape" thread was still doing the rounds.

There is a great taboo on family violence; it is the one subject that people react to as strongly (maybe) as they do to rape.

I have never actually hit my wife, but I have been oh so near when we were first married.........

I became aware of a trait in me to react with apparent very near total loss of control when our younger son was born. He was a screamer; morning, noon and night, he used to cry ceaselessly. I had to come out of the nursery and leave him, every so often, because I was worried about what I would do.

I guess I had the problem "in hand" by the age of thirty five; I can feel an episode of "loosing it" coming on, and can only do one thing - walk out of whatever room I am in, and go somewhere on my own.

The dreadful thing is that I almost seem to "come out of myself" (if that makes sense to anyone); I feel like a seperate observer, watching this fool driving over a precipice - and, as the observer, I cannot work the brake. Does this resonate with anyone ? If you want to, you can P.M Me.

To all you members, does that revolt you ? - be honest, does it make you feel like never 'talking to me' again ?

[FatMan]

I've never hit my wife, but when we were dating, I got so ****** that I hit a wall. Not as good as Andy on "The Office" did last night - but good enough to bruise my knuckles.

[RevOxley_501]

i play fight with her, but i have never hit her in order to hurt her...even though i have been accused of doing so by someone that owes me alot of money (defamation of character anyone?)


my dad beat the crap out of women---badly, i dont follow in those footsteps

one thing that ****** me off though, is that many women think its ok to hit men...my wife does that, and i have been extremely tempted to smack her real good for it.

also, a year or so ago, at the pinnacle of our sexual strain of trying to remail virgins before marriage, i got so frustrated i hit the shower wall and broke it....

normally im not violent though

[Hema]

Originally Posted by michel

To all you members, does that revolt you ? - be honest, does it make you feel like never 'talking to me' again ?

No Uncle Michel. Nobody is perfect. Some people just deal with their anger better than others. My dad has a problem controlling his anger, but that's just the way he is. He's a very sweet person and I love him in spite of that. He's a very good father to me. Uncle Michel, you are one of the kindest people I have met on RF. To me you come across as a father figure and I know that you're a great father to your own children. As for your wife, I remember you said once that she's your equal and you guys are a team. I was like "wow", he's such a great person. My opinion of you doesn't change one bit.

Generally speaking though, to any man out there who ever hit his wife or wants to...just remember that she is someone's daughter and consider if you would want a man to hit YOUR daughter.

Just remember that problems are faster resolved with love than with anger. When there is anger, the other party will resist even more.

[Hema]

Originally Posted by RevOxley_501

i play fight with her, but i have never hit her in order to hurt her...even though i have been accused of doing so by someone that owes me alot of money (defamation of character anyone?)


my dad beat the crap out of women---badly, i dont follow in those footsteps

one thing that ****** me off though, is that many women think its ok to hit men...my wife does that, and i have been extremely tempted to smack her real good for it.

also, a year or so ago, at the pinnacle of our sexual strain of trying to remail virgins before marriage, i got so frustrated i hit the shower wall and broke it....

normally im not violent though

I highly commend you for not following in your father's footsteps.

I don't think that it's okay for women to hit men either. Ask your wife how she would feel if you had hit her. Tell her that you have feelings too and the same way that she would feel hurt is the same way that you hurt as well. Don't get angry when you're telling her. Tell her that you love her and see her as your equal and now...you want her to see you as her equal also.

Guys, if that just made me seem smart...let me just tell you I saw it on "Dr. Phil."

[Hema]

Hee hee. I'm a woman intruding on a thread meant for men. Feel free to kick me out if you want though.

[MysticSang'ha]

No, Michel. You're not revolting, and I think your story is a heck of a lot more common than conventional wisdom will admit to.



My husband and I have never hit each other. But he's certainly smashed his fist into the hood of my car once for being so angry with me. We normally walk away from each other to cool off if a disagreement starts getting personal, but a couple of times things were thrown, a shower curtain was ripped off it's shower rings, and I broke a toilet scrubber in half.



Steve and I have also grabbed each other on the arms a few times, too. But, I know the feeling, I had two older brothers that I grew up with that I had fights with, and there were times where I just wanted to throw down and show this man what a tiny 4'11" woman can do. He's also had that look in his eyes. So, yes, our family has seen flashes of domestic violence, but I guess the good thing is that we both own up to our mistakes and never blame the other for something broken.




Most of the time, anything personal usually ends with one person walking outside and the both of us mumbling where the other spouse can stick it. By the next day, we're usually back to our normal goofy and laughing selves again.




Hope it feels better to read about our own levels of dysfunction, Michel. You're not alone.




Peace,
Mystic

[Djamila]

I've hit men several times, though not in a relationship, with a closed fist, in anger.

[michel]

Wow! I am amazed at your tollerance.

I suppose the one thing I can say is that I have conquered the problem in that I have found a way of dealing with the situation, so that I know I will never hit my wife. As I have said, I have never actually done so - but I have come near it.
(thankfully not for a long time). I suppose the way I expected you to react was a projection of my own feelings towards this behaviour; it is one that used to frighten and revolt me.

Originally Posted by RevOxley_501

normally im not violent though

I wonder if that is not part of the problem; I am never violent (except for the above) - and I have never actually given into it. I wonder if repressing anger merely "stores" it, until it accumulates to a timewhen the pressure just becomes too high.

I think I remember once hitting the wall with my fist so hard that I could hardly use my hand for a few days......well, better that than to have hurt my wife.