Protecting Children from Abuse (experience, sex, heaven)

[evearael]

I want to use this thread to brainstorm for how to prevent, identify and effectively react to all types of abuse of children, regardless of whether it your child or another that you care about. Feel free to share experiences, observations, websites, books, charities and ideas on how to stop it.

[Arabis]

Originally Posted by evearael

I want to use this thread to brainstorm for how to prevent, identify and effectively react to all types of abuse of children, regardless of whether it your child or another that you care about. Feel free to share experiences, observations, websites, books, charities and ideas on how to stop it.

I would love to hear any advice from anyone. This is my single greatest fear, to have something happen to my children. I never quite know how to handle situations, being very non confrontational, and my husband has a slightly more agressive type A personality. I would hope that together we would be able to come up with a solution and not react badly.
My personal experiance has been that it is usually someone in your close circle of friends or relatives, someone that you trust to be around your children, that is the abuser. I was almost abused by an older brother, the times that I remember anyway were unsuccessful. I remember each time laying in bed in fear. I know that my husband and I are very careful who we let watch our children, but how do you really know who you can trust?

[ayani]

something i can say from my own experience- it is important for adults to believe the child when he or she comes forward about abuse. i know, it's a no-brainer. but it's incredible how often that *doesn't* happen here. it is also awesome if there is a family network (aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends) who can help step in and offer the child a safe place to live. just that much does alot.

[jacquie4000]

This is so difficult as a mother you always worry about your children. I have a son who is 13. Sometimes I worry because as they get a little older they feel the can protect themselves more not truely understanding. I just always talk to my son keep him informed but do not push. We have a good relationship this way so far...teen years are only just beginning. We can only protect them so much. But we must always inform them to the best of our knowledge of how they can protect themselves and stay safe.

[evearael]

Here are some good sources to start with...

http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/cac/states.htm
...It is the FBI site that links all of the state sex offender registries so you can be aware of offenders in your area.

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=200\
...the parent & guardian page for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

I believe very strongly in keeping an open dialogue with my child. I make sure she knows the proper names for her anatomy so if, heaven forbid, something happens to her she would be able to tell me. I make sure she understands that her body is hers. It is a rule that if she ever says no to a hug, tickling or most any other physical contact that the person must respect that (that doesn't apply for anything that affects her safety... I will pick her up and carry her back if she runs into the street).

[jacquie4000]

Keeping the lines open with your child is soooo important. How old is your daughter evearael?

[Feathers in Hair]

Originally Posted by Arabis

I would love to hear any advice from anyone. This is my single greatest fear, to have something happen to my children. I never quite know how to handle situations, being very non confrontational, and my husband has a slightly more agressive type A personality. I

Being a non-confrontational person myself (though people might not know it from how I've been behaving on RF lately, I fear ), you might want to emphasize to your kids that being confrontational in certain situations is okay. Teaching them to be assertive (especially in case of abuse) is very much needed, since they might otherwise think it's okay for others to do things to them that they're uncomfortable with.

I grew up in the 80's, and during that time, the emphasis on teaching kids was to get them to 'prevent' abuse by stating to the adult "that makes me uncomfortable". They neglected to mention that this brilliant strategy did not give the kids any guidance in what to do if the adult happened to not be listening to the kid. Hopefully, there's more of an explanation nowadays, but if I had kids, I would try to tell them things like how to get away, how to reach a person that they trust, how to tell the cops.

With that said, I don't envy those that are having to raise kids in this day and age. Hopefully, internet predators will be less prevelent in the future than they are now.

[Sunstone]

Hopefully prevention will work, but when a kid is abused anyway, it is crucial to get the child professional help. Shoving abuse under the rug does not make the fall out from it go away.

[Hope]

Coming from someone who was "abused" of sorts when I was a little girl, I'd have to agree with several others that keeping an open line of communication with your child is crucial. Your child needs to know they can tell you anything. I unfortunately never had this type of relationship with my parents, so when I started feeling scared and uncomfortable, I had no one to turn to, and the abuse went on over a period of years. The abuser was also a very close friend of my parents, so that worsened the situation. I didn't even realize it was abuse---I wrongly thought I was to blame---until I became an adult. So, yeah, I'm pretty passionate about protecting kids. The most important thing you can do is be your child's best friend and confidante.